"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_31dec08.aspx

PS Kevin Bacon is not Cuba. Leo D is not Chocolate.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_and_Cash_Warren_bar_hopping_to_celebrate_her_backstabbing_her_way_to_a_new_role_playing.aspx

All smiles on a bitch night out

Alba Demon and her husband were spotted out and about yesterday no baby and then extended their free night on the town at Crown Bar and then Bardot. As you can see, she actually smiled. Jessica Alba is in good spirits.

She starts shooting The Killer Inside Me in a short few weeks alongside Casey Affleck and… she plays a prostitute, which means she’s convinced herself that – finally! – she’s found an Oscar-potential part. You know the formula: get ugly, play a whore, get slapped around… it always works. At the very least, she thinks she’ll be taken more seriously.

It’s also somewhat of a victory. She worked hard for this one, she supposedly backstabbed with ruthless determination to make it hers. There is much to celebrate. And this is why she’s so happy. Jessica Biel, not so much.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 at 7:32 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_30dec08.aspx

PS. Cuba is not Dennis Quaid. Chocolate is not Jim Carrey or Keanu Reeves this time.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate

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"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_29dec08.aspx

PS. Ewan McGregor isn’t Cuba or Chocolate.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate

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"Cuba and Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_24dec08.aspx

PS Cuba is not Will Smith. Chocolate is not Justin Timberlake.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


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"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_23dec08.aspx

PS. Tim McGraw is not Cuba. Also not Liam Neeson or Denzel Washington. Josh Brolin isn’t Chocolate.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008
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"Chocolate" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jason_George_George_Clooney_George_Clooney_has_bad_taste.aspx

George Clooney has bad taste


Look. I know that despite some rather kinky predilections, the man is almost perfect . I know you want him on the Freebie 5. But something's been holding me back, aside from the fact that he might be just a tad out of my maturity range. The thing is - I think George has really, really bad taste in women. Horrible taste. Low classy taste. Here he is the other night in NY trying to camouflage a hot date with Krista Allen. The same Krista Allen with whom he's had an on again off again thing for 5 years. The same Krista Allen who has verged on soft core porn. And Before and after and in between Krista there was Lisa Snowdon, also a horny lookin' pin up type.

Now George is a hotblooded male so hey, if he's got the flavour for a set of fake tits and some dirty dirty action once in a while - more power to him. But long term relationships with both bunnies? That’s where I get suspicious. So you have one of two choices:

A. he has cheap, low classy taste (and if that's the case, why do you love him so much?)

Or

B. he's gay and is using the big tit, round ass, sexpot on his arm to deflect the scrutiny.

Take your pick.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_22dec08.aspx

PS. Russell Crowe is not Cuba. Also not Tom Hanks. Or Rob Lowe. And Hugh Grant isn’t Chocolate.

Monday, December 22, 2008
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"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_19dec08.aspx

PS Tiger Woods is not Cuba. Josh Brolin isn’t Chocolate.

Friday, December 19, 2008
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"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_18dec08.aspx

PS. Russell Crowe is not Cuba. Daniel Craig is not Chocolate. Justin Timberlake isn’t chocolate either, but that would be amazing.

Thursday, December 18, 2008
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"Bitch Wars" Bitch 1 Reveal #2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_to_guest_star_on_The_Office_after_the_Super_Bowl.aspx

Ausiello is reporting that along with Jack Black, The Office has secured Jessica Alba for an appearance on the episode of The Office that will air immediately following the Super Bowl.

The Alba Demon is coming back to TV! Where she belongs!

Great move by her agent. And one that Shelfy Biel is too obtuse to make. Then again, Alba’s been bashing her head much longer against the brick wall of the film community without success. Give the other Jessica another year of two of sucking sh-t …maybe her agent will get the picture too.

Here’s the Alba Bitch at a Christmas party the other day trying to obscure her beauty. She only takes her clothes off and gets pretty when you pay her.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 5:23 PM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_17dec08.aspx

PS. Cuba is not Christian Bale. Chocolate is not Keith Urban. But I love that you guessed him. Heh.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008
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"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_16dec08.aspx

PS. Johnny Depp is not Cuba or Chocolate – seriously, I’ve never read such panic in your emails. Also not RDJ or Jude Law or Brad Pitt. As if.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008
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Cuba & Chocolate

http://www.laineygossip.com/Cuba_and_Chocolate_blind_item_.aspx

Two different megastars, two different preferences, but in the end, the act is the same.

The first is a happy father, settled down and reformed, bankable and respected at the same time… a major player. Which is why it’s so important that he keeps his Cuban male lover hidden away to be enjoyed when he’s not on location. It might seem risqué, having his secret stashed so close to home and his official partner, but he’s hot and horny, and it’s not like he’s not living in a freestyling environment, although I have to tell you, this one really, really surprised me. He plays it so well. And in the end, if it wasn’t such a fraud, it totally wouldn’t matter. He is the nicest, nicest person. Kind and considerate and generous… makes me sad he’s forced to live a lie.

The other is much less attached, but just as heterosexually pressured, perhaps even more so. While he’s best known for his female pursuits, and so many females need to believe it that way, it would seem that women are not his only pleasures. When he decides he has a yearning for the other sex however, his flavour is decidedly darker. Sweet chocolate is what they call it? Yes. Black men are his weakness. On occasion, his hankering for it can get him into trouble. He was recently captivated by a fine black man working security at an event who was, unfortunately, not a homosexual. Apparently our star doesn’t have a very sophisticated gaydar because he hit up the wrong dude who did not appreciate the attention, even coming from such a powerful and coveted celebrity. He almost had his ass kicked. His people had to intervene, placate the man, pay off the man… although if he did end up getting the beat-down, he probably would have liked it. Because word is, as time goes on, he’s leaning towards picking a side. Like playing exclusively for the boys team.

Monday, December 15, 2008 at 6:49 AM

Update (03/10/15):
denial 1: Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law & Brad Pitt
denial 2: Christian Bale & Keith Urban
denial 3: Russell Crowe, Daniel Craig & Justin Timberlake

denial 4: Tiger Woods & Josh Brolin
denial 5: Russell Crowe, Tom Hanks, Rob Lowe & Hugh Grant

Cuba guess
Chocolate clue 1
denial 6: Tim McGraw, Liam Neeson, Denzel Washington & Josh Brolin

denial 7: Will Smith & Justin Timberlake
denial 8: Ewan McGregor
denial 9: Dennis Quaid, Jim Carrey & Keanu Reeves
denial 10: Kevin Bacon & Leonardo DiCaprio
denial 11: Ben Affleck
denial 12: Matthew McConaughey & Alec Baldwin

denial 13: Bruce Willis, Tobey Maguire & Forrest Whitaker

Cuba red herring (Hugh Jackman)
denial 14: Hugh Jackman
Chocolate reveal 1
Chocolate reveal 2
Chocolate reveal 3
Chocolate reveal 4
Chocolate reveal 5
Cuba reveal 1
Cuba reveal 2
Cuba reveal 3
Cuba reveal 4
Cuba reveal 5


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"Because he ignores her" revealed yet again

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_attends_New_York_ballet_opening_alone_and_confirms_Sex_and_the_City_movie_seque.aspx

Alone at the ballet

Actually no. Valentino was there to keep her company, so at least one gay was by her side… and a orange one at that…just not the one she was hoping for. Seriously, how fashionable is it to look as though you’re being asphyxiated?

This is Sarah Jessica Parker last night at the New York City Ballet opening in a killer short dress but no one to appreciate it.

And an update on the Sex & the City movie sequel: Kim Cattrall revealed it was happening, then SJP claimed that was premature, now she’s explaining that they’re hoping to nail everything down by February, shoot this summer, and go for a 2010 release…so basically what Kim said.

Apparently Michael Patrick King needs to decide on what the story should be. How about no story and just montage after montage of Carrie trying on clothes interspersed with random sightings of the mute Asian baby?

At least the dress porn wouldn’t be boring and contrived.

SJP also confirmed (for now) that Carrie likely won’t have babies. Then again, Carrie seemed uncomfortable talking about sex with her best friends in the last movie. Out of character decisions don’t seem to be a problem.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 at 6:51 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Diddys_new_fragrance_ad_compares_himself_to_Barack_Obama.aspx

You Are Douche


This is Diddy in a new ad for his new fragrance I Am King that will be plastered in Times Square.

I Am King?

No! You Are Douche. You Are SUCK.

Oh, and it gets worse. Much worse.

When describing the ad, Diddy offered these enlightening words:

"When you see Barack Obama, you see a strong, elegant black man and when people see my ad, it's almost like that's the trend.”

Diddy = Barack Obama?

Sit the f-ck DOWN B List!

Barack Obama wouldn’t tell people not to make eye contact. Barack Obama wouldn’t tell hotel staff to kowtow in his presence and be honoured to breathe his air. Barack Obama wouldn’t make a 100 people wait during what was promised to be a live interactive interview and cancel at the last minute for no reason.

But Diddy would. And Diddy did.

And who are the f-cking idiots spending money on this sh-t?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 at 10:15 AM
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"Bitch Wars" B2 revealed again

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Biel_and_Justin_Timberlake_walk_their_dogs_after_Biel_is_rumoured_to_have_lost_out_on_a_part.aspx

Apparently they’re about to move in to his new New York apartment together and are tentatively doing so in LA as well. This would mean making sure her remaining dog, the one that ate her 2nd dog, killing it tragically as she was negligently in the other room, will have to live in peace with Justin’s two pooches.

So Shelfy and Pips took them all for a walk today. She was kind enough to give us several views from behind. Why? Because, really, there isn’t much work ahead. She still isn’t being considered for the parts she wants. She’s still losing out on those ones to the girls who always get them. And worse still, as if Natalie Portman and Scarjo and Keira weren’t enough to contend with, she now has to worry about Anne Hathaway. Rumour has it Anne will soon be booked for something Jessica Biel has had her eye on for a long time. Am told she is livid. Look for more shenanigans to follow.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 1:33 PM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Biel_and_Justin_Timberlake_walk_their_dogs_after_Biel_is_rumoured_to_have_lost_out_on_a_part.aspx

Merging the dogs


Apparently they’re about to move in to his new New York apartment together and are tentatively doing so in LA as well. This would mean making sure her remaining dog, the one that ate her 2nd dog, killing it tragically as she was negligently in the other room, will have to live in peace with Justin’s two pooches.

So Shelfy and Pips took them all for a walk today. She was kind enough to give us several views from behind. Why? Because, really, there isn’t much work ahead. She still isn’t being considered for the parts she wants. She’s still losing out on those ones to the girls who always get them. And worse still, as if Natalie Portman and Scarjo and Keira weren’t enough to contend with, she now has to worry about Anne Hathaway. Rumour has it Anne will soon be booked for something Jessica Biel has had her eye on for a long time. Am told she is livid. Look for more shenanigans to follow.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 1:33 PM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Debra_Messing_new_body_in_Self_Magazine.aspx

It's all about healthy eating


But isn’t it always?

Debra Messing with her “new amazing body!” graces the cover of the new issue of Self. Inside the magazine, she discusses her frustration with the tabloids over losing her baby weight and what finally led her to finding a program that worked.

Her secret?

Oh just healthy eating. That’s all. Nothing invasive. Nothing suspicious. She says it’s all about the diet. Of course it is…

"I was exhausted! I couldn't work out three hours a day and do my job as a mother and an actress. So I took the pressure off. I cut back on seeing the trainer but started eating healthier. Ultimately I'm very proud of how I dropped the weight because I think it was the healthy approach. I've finally taken ownership of my body."

Right.

Now that she has her body back, her priority now is to spend time with her husband:

"I can't tell you the last time I had a date with my husband. My ideal date with Daniel would be a spectacular meal, maybe Italian, followed by dancing. That's a New Year's resolution I'm looking forward to."

Italian?

Carbs expand in your stomach. Then again, that’s what elasticity is for.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 9:49 AM
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"Bitch Wars" B2 reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_with_shitty_bangs_at_the_Black_Ball_.aspx

Those bangs…

Are the shits.

Does she know?

Does the Alba Demon know? That she’s not Heidi Klum? I don’t think she knows. Because we already know she has an inflated opinion of her abilities – physical and professional.

This is Jessica Alba last night at the Black Ball, hanging out with Alicia Keys and Justin Timberlake and trying to pretend she can roll in the same river of talent.

Wasn’t Jennifer Aniston’s appearance last night on 30 Rock a lesson to everyone? TV Girls belong on tv!

Speaking of TV girls, seeing the Alba Bitch now it makes sense why the Shelf Ass laid low. Or why Pippy kept them apart.

Two TV girls on one carpet? Like Kelly and Brenda but real life.

Ordinarily yes, but not on a night for the children.

Friday, November 14, 2008 at 11:24 AM
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