"Bitch Wars" reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_and_Cash_Warren_bar_hopping_to_celebrate_her_backstabbing_her_way_to_a_new_role_playing.aspx

All smiles on a bitch night out

Alba Demon and her husband were spotted out and about yesterday no baby and then extended their free night on the town at Crown Bar and then Bardot. As you can see, she actually smiled. Jessica Alba is in good spirits.

She starts shooting The Killer Inside Me in a short few weeks alongside Casey Affleck and… she plays a prostitute, which means she’s convinced herself that – finally! – she’s found an Oscar-potential part. You know the formula: get ugly, play a whore, get slapped around… it always works. At the very least, she thinks she’ll be taken more seriously.

It’s also somewhat of a victory. She worked hard for this one, she supposedly backstabbed with ruthless determination to make it hers. There is much to celebrate. And this is why she’s so happy. Jessica Biel, not so much.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 at 7:32 AM

"Bitch Wars" reveal

"Bitch Wars" Bitch 1 Reveal #2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_to_guest_star_on_The_Office_after_the_Super_Bowl.aspx

Ausiello is reporting that along with Jack Black, The Office has secured Jessica Alba for an appearance on the episode of The Office that will air immediately following the Super Bowl.

The Alba Demon is coming back to TV! Where she belongs!

Great move by her agent. And one that Shelfy Biel is too obtuse to make. Then again, Alba’s been bashing her head much longer against the brick wall of the film community without success. Give the other Jessica another year of two of sucking sh-t …maybe her agent will get the picture too.

Here’s the Alba Bitch at a Christmas party the other day trying to obscure her beauty. She only takes her clothes off and gets pretty when you pay her.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 5:23 PM

"Bitch Wars" Bitch 1 Reveal #2

"Bitch Wars" B2 reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_with_shitty_bangs_at_the_Black_Ball_.aspx

Those bangs…

Are the shits.

Does she know?

Does the Alba Demon know? That she’s not Heidi Klum? I don’t think she knows. Because we already know she has an inflated opinion of her abilities – physical and professional.

This is Jessica Alba last night at the Black Ball, hanging out with Alicia Keys and Justin Timberlake and trying to pretend she can roll in the same river of talent.

Wasn’t Jennifer Aniston’s appearance last night on 30 Rock a lesson to everyone? TV Girls belong on tv!

Speaking of TV girls, seeing the Alba Bitch now it makes sense why the Shelf Ass laid low. Or why Pippy kept them apart.

Two TV girls on one carpet? Like Kelly and Brenda but real life.

Ordinarily yes, but not on a night for the children.

Friday, November 14, 2008 at 11:24 AM

"Bitch Wars" B2 reveal

"Bitch Wars" B1 reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_tries_to_play_a_math_teacher.aspx?IsMicro=0

Bangs for acting smart

Please.

This is Jessica Alba on the New York set of her next movie An Invisible Sign of My Own based on the book of the same name about a trouble young girl who also happens to be a math wiz recruited to teach young students and magic happens.

Alba Demon a math wiz? Because she wears bangs and funky clothes?

How sh-tty is this script? And how many other actors passed on this role? Because Alba can’t act, no matter how many acting coaches she hires. And a fringe doesn’t help with that.

She’s also not very… articulate.

Last night Alba was at a party hosted by her benefactor Harvey Weinstein celebrating Obama’s victory. When asked to comment, here’s what she offered:

"I think we all have to start to see the change we are waiting for. We need more people that think like him…that are, I don't know, thoughtful?"

F-ck. The profundity of that statement is staggering, non?

As for her relationship with Harvey – well documented on this blog: she’s been kissing his ass for ages, wearing Marchesa, doing his bidding, even after the disaster that was Awake, because it’s the only way she can keep getting jobs.

He’s like her Justin Timberlake.

Posted on Wednesday, November 05, 2008 at 1:34 PM

"Bitch Wars" B1 reveal

Bitch Wars

http://www.laineygossip.com/Bitch_Wars_blind_item.aspx

Girl sh-t is the best sh-t, right? It's even worse in Hollywood, especially when so many of them are fighting for everything: headlines, attention, and ultimately the work.

This is about the work. And the power plays they pull to get the work over their competitors.

Bitch #1 has been backstabbing for a while starting a few years ago when she was vying over a then-coveted role in a major blockbuster with lucrative potential. They'd narrowed it down to two and the studio had pretty much decided on the better actress. The contract was about to be signed but when B1 found out, she had her agent and her publicist publicly release confirmation that SHE landed the part, and even though it was an outright lie, it embarrassed her competitor so badly that her team pulled her back from accepting the offer leaving the film's producers with only one remaining choice.

Now she has a new opponent. And a more formidable one. The two were both in talks for a prestige project, a tug of war battle going back and forth. Bitch #2 launched the first offensive. She started circulating that B1 was struggling with her acting coach and had already fired two of them, studying with a third. When B1 found out she retaliated by circulating rumours that B2's assets were surgically enhanced and that she was a terror to work with, making crews miserable on a regular basis.

B2 has now struck back with the lowest blow yet. At a business lunch the other day, she made sure to drop details about B1's relationship: that it's in trouble, that's she's an emotional wreck and is prone to self harming and is trying to save her love by getting pregnant.

It's getting uglier and uglier and B1 is out for blood. Stay tuned...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 11:56 AM

Update (12/30/08):
denial 1: Megan Fox (B1), Lindsay Lohan (B2) & America Ferrera (neither)
denial 2: Beyonce, Rihanna & Liv Tyler
denial 3: Jennifer Garner & Sienna Miller
Bitch 2 clue
denial 4: Salma Hayek & Kate Beckinsale
denial 5: Scarlett Johansson & Anne Hathaway
denial 6: Kate Hudson & Kristen Bell
Bitch 1 reveal 1
Bitch 1 reveal 2
Bitch 2 reveal 1
Bitch 2 reveal 2
Reveal

Bitch Wars

"Body or Baby?" it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_21oct08.aspx

PS. Kate Beckinsale did not choose body over baby … like that. Also not Jessica Alba.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Body or Baby?" it's not...

"Anger Management," it's not...

Monday, September 08, 2008

PPS. Jessica Alba does not need anger management.

Anger Management

"Anger Management," it's not...

"So insecure" revealed

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jessica_Alba_Selma_Blair_Hilary_Duff_Jessica_Alba_with_a_capital_B.aspx

A few of you think my blind items are full of sh*t. Oh really??? Take a look at what Page Six posted yesterday about the not so pleasant Jessica Alba:

December 14, 2005 -- JESSICA Alba ruffled some hipster feathers at the hot MisShapes party Saturday night at Don Hill's. The gorgeous actress turned up with an entourage and was quickly ushered inside — but when head promoter Gordon Nicol asked if she would pose for a photo, Alba turned him down flat. When Nicol pointed out that celebs like Madonna, Hilary Duff and Selma Blair had all posed, Alba supposedly snapped, 'I don't care!' and walked away. At that point, one of Alba's entourage told Nicol, 'She's a bitch — sorry.' Other notables at the bash included Rumer Willis, photographer Ryan McGinley and fashion designers Zaldy and Benjamin Cho.

And remember – my clue was posted almost 4 months ago.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

"So insecure" revealed

So insecure

http://www.laineygossip.com/So_insecure.aspx

She’s beautiful. Her body is tight. And while she’ll likely never win an Oscar, she does have promising career prospects. But not if she keeps up the diva behaviour. Our young star refuses to work, refuses to talk, refuses to co-operate if there is anyone on the set – from the caterer to the seamstress to the makeup artist – anyone who she perceives as better looking as she is. Which is also another reason why she usually surrounds herself with male companionship and has trouble bonding with the opposite sex. Now this isn’t exactly unique behaviour, but this time our girl has taken it so far that she’s pissed off the wrong person. As in a senior studio executive’s daughter who happened to drop by the set to visit a friend one day. After a massive hissy fit, she demanded that the girl be banned from the set forever, and almost got kicked off the movie until her agent intervened. After a tearful apology she got her job back, but needless to say, her reputation has taken a serious hit. Who is she?

Feel free to email me with hint requests but please know that I can’t reveal too much on this one. You’ll have to work with the limited info give you. Good luck!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Update (2/20/08):
reveal

So insecure

"Matching Cheekbones," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Last_Word_for_Wednesday_October_04_2006.aspx

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony do not have matching cheekbones. Wrong on many counts including skin tone much closer to the coke.

Also not Britney and Kevin. Britney hasn't worked in 2 years and the blow babe has actually been rather busy.

Finally…Jessica Alba and Cash Warren - right now, her monster bitch is the only toxin coursing through her body. Besides, she only wishes she'd be considered for the same opportunities.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Matching Cheekbones, Matching Blow

"Matching Cheekbones," it's not...