"The Loyal Customer" clue 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Charlize-Theron-is-great-as-a-bitch/21827

When Charlize is a bitch...

When she is her true self...

She’s awesome.

I’ll come back to this in a minute.

Oh look, another year went by and Victoria Beckham did not make the cover of US Vogue. Instead, the final issue belongs to Charlize Theron in service of her upcoming role in Jason Reitman’s Young Adult, due out in December, for which she has an outside shot at another Oscar nomination.

What a strong, strong year for lead actresses. There are 7 who could easily be considered without any objection:

Viola Davis
Glenn Close
Meryl Streep
Elizabeth Olsen
Michelle Williams
Charlize Theron
Tilda Swinton

And that doesn’t even include Keira Knightley, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, Kristen Wiig, and Jodie Foster in the equation, and they’re on the outskirts too.

As for Charlize, well, if you believe all the people who are supposed to say good things about her, and they’re all quoted in the Vogue article, she gives an astonishing bitch of a performance in Young Adult that should rank as one of her career best. Seems like Charlize is going bitch rather often these days. As Sarah noted in her post about the Snow White and the Huntsman trailer the other day, it’s Charlize’s deliciously Evil Queen that is the centrepiece of the film. She’s awesome. Because, frankly, that’s what she is. A mega, mega, mega bitch. Trust me, I’ve seen it. My colleagues have seen it. Like, it’s breathtaking what a f-cking bitch she is, even in an industry full of crazy ass goddamn bitches. And then there’s Charlize. Few can step to Charlize. Except Julia Roberts. So it’s brilliant casting then that both will play the Evil Queen next year just three months apart.

And this Vogue article?

Doesn’t offer anything terribly insightful - she was sad about the end of her relationship and tried really hard to make it work, duh - mostly because you can’t really get any insight when you’re writing with a massive erection. So, you know, she’s super cool and makes an awesome mix tape, and is really beautiful, and isn’t a Hollywood fraud.

Dude, she played Rita in Arrested Development. You couldn’t at least go there?

OK! Night night!

Source

November 14, 2011 at 2:35 PM

The Loyal Customer

"The Loyal Customer" clue 2

"The Loyal Customer" clue 1

http://www.laineygossip.com/Charlize-Theron-is-a-bitch-in-Toronto/7456

Festival Douche

Almost everyone is on their best behaviour at a film festival. Not only because the international media lurks around every corner but also because one of the main objectives at a film festival, especially for smaller budget projects, is to buy and sell.

Such is the case for Battle in Seattle, Stuart Townsend’s directorial debut – the passion project on which he has toiled for 5 years.

Stuart is gorgeous. Unbelievably sexy. With terrific style. And sooooo nice. SO nice. The movie was screened on Saturday and was apparently well received which is why Stuart was so chuffed when he arrived at the Battle in Seattle afterparty that afternoon.

After so long, after the blood, sweat, and tears, it must have been an extremely validating moment. And he was happy to share it. He was wearing a black suit, perfectly tailored, short hair, beautiful eyes, and told me he couldn’t wait to finally have a drink to chill out and enjoy the moment. Smiling from ear to ear, Stuart also said that he loved working with Charlize, joked that he did take perverse pleasure out of bossing her around for the duration of the shoot.

I adored him. He is delightful. Which is why it is such a mystery why he’s been with someone so miserable and so full of her own sh-t for so long. I don’t get it.

Charlize came to “support” Stuart. She was in Toronto for 2 days and left back to NYC to resume shooting with Will Smith. Here they are on the set of John Hancock yesterday. On Saturday she attended the George Christie lunch, walked down the red carpet flanked by 4 massive bodyguards shielding her body from photographers refusing to stop.

Let me repeat.

There was a red carpet. The carpet was there so event organisers could invite press. She walked the red carpet. She did not go in the back door, she did not slip in through the kitchen. She chose to walk the carpet. And she chose to make a huge f*cking production out of not wanting to be photographed.

Everywhere she went she refused to be photographed. And she refused to talk on the carpets as well, refused interviews, even at the premiere and especially not at the after party. Word is she is fiercely guarded by a publicist, and even when a festival staffer approaches her to verify something, even when another publicist at an event comes over to ask after her, Charlize will supposedly stare at the person, look blankly ahead, and wait for her personal publicist to answer.

So why come, bitch? Why show up at all? Who is good enough to talk to you???

The point of showing it here in Toronto was to generate buzz for her boyfriend’s movie. And as much as I love Stuart, his name alone is not going to carry the sale. Right now, they’re looking for a US distributor. And attaching that sales pitch to an Oscar winner is the way the game works.

If you want to sell, you get out there and you pound it. You drive it home. You do what Matt Damon does and what George Clooney does and you shake every hand and smile for every photo, preferably with the movie’s poster in the background.

If this movie is what Stuart said it was – a project he was devoted to for half a decade, a movie about corporate greed, a movie intended to promote discussion and raise awareness – you get out there and you work it even harder than you would a blockbuster. You work it for HIM. You do what you can to make sure his efforts can be shared with as many people as possible.

But Charlize Theron is above that. Charlize is so special she can sell without talking, Charlize doesn’t need to make the effort. The same Charlize whose big break came in the illustrious Two Days in the Valley, showing off every inch of her beautiful body and her lovely tits, remember that? But one Oscar changes everyone, doesn’t it?

Seriously bitch… who do you think you are? Even George Clooney has to make the effort.

I’m telling you – Charlize Theron is a cow. She thinks she’s an “artist” but she’s a cow. A gorgeous, gorgeous cow but a cow nonetheless.

Douche. If she won"t promote it, maybe we should?
Click here for footage of Battle in Seattle

September 10, 2007 at 6:00 PM

The Loyal Customer

"The Loyal Customer" clue 1

The Loyal Customer

http://www.laineygossip.com/A-Loyal-Customer-blind-riddle/30411

For years I’ve been saying that she is such a bitch. Like, terrifying. And humourless, unless you’re famous. But on a red carpet? If she’s sneering at you? There’s venom. Behind that cool, tall beauty, she’s vicious.

Now, maybe I understand why.

Turns out she likes her cocaine. She’s much smarter about it than, say, people who end up under LA bridges with sketchy explanations, or child stars who rage down the Pacific Coast Highway chasing down their enemies. How does she keep winning awards and protecting her reputation? How has she kept the sh-t off of her? Because beyond her love life, there has never, ever been any gossip about her indulgences, beyond the occasional fruit, especially now that she has someone else to look after.
One explanation (on top of her discretion): Customer Loyalty. Same dealer for a decade. He supplies only to very exclusive clientele and is selective about his regular customers. She’s a regular customer. It’s more than occasional bump. Never mind the boyfriend, that might be her most steady relationship.

June 4, 2014 at 9:19 AM

Updated (3/16/15):
clue 1
clue 2

The Loyal Customer

"Mute Stones & Nude Windows," it's not...

http://laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/22406/Weekly-Live-Blog-January-17--2012

Comment From tamara
Does Charlize use mute stones?

Lainey: tamara - wrong one.

January 17, 2012 at 1:00 PM

Mute Stones & Nude Windows

"Mute Stones & Nude Windows," it's not...

"Smack no kids," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_20mar09.aspx

PS. Smack no kids is not Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend, not Sandra Bullock and Jesse James.

Friday, March 20, 2009

"Smack no kids," it's not...

"How He Holds Her," it's not...

Monday, March 31, 2008
PS. Josh Duhamel is not holding down Fergie. Stuart Townsend is not holding down Charlize.

"How He Holds Her," it's not...

"Leftover Blow," it's not...

Thursday, March 13, 2008
PS. Kate Beckinsale isn’t careless with her blow. That was before. Neither is Charlize. She prefers natural.

"Leftover Blow," it's not...

"Ph. D in F," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleDetail.aspx?ID=2799 AND http://www.laineygossip.com/Mischa_Barton_Shannon_Elizabeth_Elizabeth_Hurley_PhD_in_F_continued.aspx

And it's not Jennifer Lopez, Rebecca Romijn, Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, or Jennifer Aniston.

And it's not Mischa Barton, Sharon Stone, or Elizabeth Hurley.

Thursday, December 08, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005

"Ph. D in F," it's not...

"Mute Stones," it's not...

Thursday, November 15, 2007
PPPS. Mute Stones is not Nicole Kidman. Or Charlize Theron. Those two have won Oscars. But while Mute's family and her husband may be decorated, she herself ...not so much.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007
PPS. Demi Moore does not distribute Mute Stones.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007
PS. Julia Roberts does not use Mute Stones (Neither does Sharon Stone)

Mute Stones & Nude Windows

"Mute Stones," it's not...