"Two girls, one limo," it's not...


Two girls in a limo is not Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson.

Friday, July 24, 2009

"Commitment Crisis?" revealed yet again


A rare candid sighting of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill with their kids in LA shopping yesterday looking at puppies at a pet store.


I don’t want to cast aspersions on this particular pet store but pet owners know about pet stores, and it's not recommended usually to get pets at a pet store, especially dogs, because of puppy mills and shady breeding practices. This is a good time I think to talk about my Marcus as I’ve received many messages recently asking for more photos.

Jacek and I, whenever we’re away from each other, have an ongoing email chain called “Your Boy Right Now” dedicated to updates on Marcus’s f-ckery.

Marcus went to the beach yesterday and was digging obsessively. I received this photo at 6pm. Miss them.

As for Tim and Faith – this is the best I’ve seen Tim wear his jeans. Hot, right? He looks very healthy. And serene. Hopefully the things that were making him grumpy – like what happened at the ACMAs – have been eliminated?

Faith’s legs look great in those shorts.

But please don’t buy a puppy from a pet store.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 9:48 AM

PS. Heather Graham was not one of the two girls in the limo.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

"Two girls, one limo" guess 3


Sienna at Sundance

In town to promote the upcoming Interview, constantly attended by Harvey Weinstein who, of course, is here for purchasing purposes (already scooped up John Cusack’s Grace is Good) in addition to making sure his Golden Girl is on her best behaviour, and for the most part, she’s been keeping her ass clean…if not her nose, not that I would know anything about that.

Friday night, at the afterparty for An American Crime, starring Katherine Keener (very well preserved, lovely woman, not to lovely pitbull of a publicist), Canadian Ellen Page (quickly establishing a reputation as one of the most gifted actresses of her generation) and James Franco, Sienna sat in a corner and sulked for the better part of the evening, staring down several attractive women – a blonde television reporter in particular. Literally, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her. Intense glares, so noticeable that a few people actually remarked to the subject of her scrutiny that “Sienna wants to BE you”.

Other than that however, Sienna was rather upbeat all weekend, cruising down Main Street, hitting the swag suites, smiling for cameras. Here she is at the Interview premiere looking fresh and fetching with her closed mouth pout to cover those teeth, trademark crossed leg pose, wrapped in the most beautiful grey coat. Must have it.

Saw her again at the MySpace/Tao event and I have to tell you, as you know I’m not her biggest fan, but Sienna Miller – very, very pretty face. Small and delicate with the most beguiling eyes, her arrival caused the biggest stir, even louder than Diddy’s, and tiny…SO tiny, definitely NOT 5 ft 6 as listed. If anything, she is my height and I know this because I was next to her at one point, wearing flat boots with absolutely no heel and we were eye to eye. For the record, I am 5 ft 3 and ¾ on a tall day.

Still…as I said, Sienna has a lovely face. Haunting and deceptively innocent but not staggeringly beautiful either – the kind of face that breaks your heart and having now seen her, I have to admit…she does have a certain “it”. Just too bad she’s f&cked in the head.

As for Josh Hartnett – he’s here, they were together Sunday, chaperoned at times by Harvey, rumour is they went home together Sunday night.

Will keep you posted…

Monday, January 22, 2007


Sienna Miller: Attention-whore at Burger King

Saw her almost every day at Sundance…weird.

So anyway, we’re leaving, we go through security at Salt Lake Airport, we decide to skip the classy sit-down restaurant and giv’er on some grease at the food court – perfect, there’s a Burger King.

Am with my producer Laura from eTalk and our camera visionary Donovan, we order, we grab a table close to the counter, right by the soda foundations, I’m chowing down on an enormous Double Whopper (flamebroiled HEAVEN), and in walks Sienna Miller with her mother in tow.

Dressed in a white beater tank, hair pulled back, faded grey/black jeans tucked into black suede boots with furry trim, and her face – remember Golden Globe night? When so many of you remarked on the shine and the oil? That’s what she looked like – definitely a far cry from when I saw her on Saturday at her best.

Anyway, they unload at the table closest to us, directly across from Burger King, we are now between her and soda foundations. Her mother gets up to order, she fidgets in her chair, and gets up to tell the clerk that she wants one of those paper Burger King hats – you know the ones? They’re gold, in the shape of a crown, usually passed out to little kids at a birthday party?

Yep – that’s what Sienna asked for, that’s what she put on her head. And her mother too.

So they’re waiting for their food, sitting across from each other, both pull out their cell phones and start yammering away. Mom was discreet, Sienna was loud as f*ck. A pack-a-day voice and every other word is “f&cking”…not because she’s cussin’ someone out, apparently it’s just the way she talks.

“I f*cking emailed you. I really f&cking did. I wanted to know about the f&cking photos (foe-toes)”…and the best part is she can’t stay put when she’s chatty, she has to walk around. So she’s pacing back and forth, between her table and the soda fountain, directly behind us, dragging her feet so that her boots were scraping against the tile (as Donovan noted, she walks like a teenager), yapping incessantly, and at one point she sees Donovan’s video camera, which isn’t hard to miss. It’s one of those over the shoulder ones used for television, he had it in plain view by his feet, and before you ask – it was turned OFF and he made absolutely no motion to use it either. I’m telling you…we weren’t gawking, we didn’t turn around to study her, she was just hard to miss, and when she realised that we were part of a tv crew, she actually became HARDER to miss.

Now remember, this is one of the most photographed women in the world who has had a few run-ins herself with the pappies and has also, on occasion, “complained” about the press intrusion in to her life. Even though we didn’t make a move towards her, even though we kept to ourselves and our burgers, even though no one else at Burger King had recognised her either, even though everyone else went about their business leaving her alone, Sienna goes back to her table and decides to PUT ON HER SUNGLASSES. Because that’s how you blend in to the background, right?

Still…when she did this, we figured it was because she saw the camera and became wary. Fair enough. We made a point of not looking at her, we started chatting about work, and amazingly enough, wouldn’t you know it, the bitch gets up from her chair AGAIN, still yapping at the top of her lungs on her cell phone, and shuffles past us AGAIN over to the soda foundation without pouring any soda.

One lap, two laps, three laps…THREE TIMES she paced by our table, three times for no other reason than to pace, without getting napkins, without getting condiments, Sienna just had to talk on her cell phone full volume, “f*cking this, f&cking that” with us as her audience, to the point where we started laughing incredulously and eventually Laura, my producer, was like – is she serious? No…is she serious? Does she want us to turn the camera on? Is she begging us to turn the camera on?

And then her food came. So she sat down and ate and every few seconds she’d whip her head around and look at us and we’d feel her eyes on us and we’d try not to giggle – the way you tried not to giggle in the cafeteria as teenagers when Mr Burton, the biology teacher, shuffled by and made a lame joke? That’s how we were giggling.

And THAT is Sienna Miller. The loser you’re at once amused by and embarrassed for, desperate for attention, narcissist to the max, extra-obnoxious with all the toppings, and of course we wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. The camera stayed idle, my cell phone stayed put, and then off she went, making a big production of getting their gear together, her mother asking someone else at another table for the time – you’ll note they had their cell phones with them, both of them, and every cell phone has a clock!!! – before stomping off, Sienna continuing to blabber away so that I could hear her half way across the room, dragging her feet all the way to the escalator.

And we just looked at each other: did that really happen? Is Sienna Miller that pathetic???



Sienna in this month’s Nylon Magazine.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Sapphic Sienna

Well well… isn’t this a shocker. Sienna Miller looking bombed out of her tree groping someone else’s girls. Looks like some innocent fun, non?

Because Sienna would NEVER make out with a chick. Or a random dude. Or get shitfaced and lose control. No no. Sienna wouldn’t go there. Sienna is STABLE, you see?

She’s much, much, much too stable and sensible too! She’s sensible and she’s stable and she’s smart and she totally has her head on straight and she also never said that drugs were “f*ckloads of fun", right?


Monday, March 26, 2007

Tights and Boots and BFFs

Lindsay Lohan not welcome!!!

Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller in London the other night, tightly bonded after working together over the last few weeks on The Edge of Love, formerly the Best Time of Our Lives about Dylan Thomas and his women. Rather than letting professional rivalry get in the way, the two appear to have found in one another a kindred spirit – friends who understand the business but who are also, at heart, two girls with girl problems and girl hang-ups.

Rumour has it Sienna hasn’t had many positive girl relationships, that she is only recently experiencing it for the first time, that she is happier now than she’s been in a while.

A real friend...Lindsay Lohan needs one of those.

PS. That other dude is a co-star, NOT a new boyfriend. Jamie and Sienna still on.

Friday, June 01, 2007 at 12:00 AM


My New Favourite Besties

Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley are currently promoting The Edge of Love – this is an interview recently during which they went head to head on trivia related to each other. It is SUPER cute. And it also feels authentic. It feels like they way you’d be with your bestie. All the giggling, the competition, the mutual support, the cheating…and especially Keira. I love that she was so immediate about her answers. Sienna’s like the littler one – the troublemaker, the flake, the one who can never stop sh*t from coming out of her mouth. As usual.

Probably the most likable they’ve both been in a long time. This is the kind of thing I’d watch more often.

Click here to view.

Attached – Sienna and Keira in Scotland for the photo call yesterday. The size of Keira’s waist is indeed alarming. But we’re not allowed to say she has an eating disorder anymore, remember? She insists she doesn’t have one!

Thursday, June 19, 2008 at 7:30 AM


Sienna still has a friend

Thanks to her affair with Balthazar Getty, Sienna has become persona non grata in Los Angeles as Rosetta Getty’s powerful female network quickly mobilised against the other woman.

At home in London though, Sienna still has friends. And she still has a friend in Keira Knightley. Here they are arriving hand in hand and bone to bone yesterday at the British Independent Film Awards in London.
Maybe spending more time with girls, the right girls, will set that crazy bitch straight. Sienna makes really bad boy decisions over and over and over again.

They looked great together last night. LOVE both dresses. Love that they’re so well coordinated they pout at the same time and laugh at the same time. Love, love, love the shot of Keira from the side, a great shot of the razor blades in her mouth.

Monday, December 01, 2008 at 6:44 AM

Keira Knightley: a protesting jaw?

Uhhhh… NOT sweet.

And yes, I get it that celebrities can’t always looked glammed up the ass every day. But that jaw? That jaw scares me. That is what I call a Bulimic Jaw – my girlfriend Beth, a doctor, can attest to that kind of jaw: jutting out at the corners as a result of too much heaving…though of course, let’s clarify in light of her lawsuit that the mere suggestion of an eating disorder on her part is absolutely absurd right???

After all, those photos of her on the beach a couple of weeks ago, cut abs, not an ounce of fat – those photos are simply the result of working out, eating well, and TOTALLY NOT torturing her own body, right? How could anyone even suggest such a thing???

But that’s exactly what a British rag did at the time, which has resulted in her suing for damages, because NO ONE, NO ONE other than the editors of said publication would, in their right mind, be so Cruise to assume that she’s anorexic, right???

Here’s Keira, in London with her equally overnourished boyfriend, cutting a fine line with their cheekbones, their hippy chic, and of course their love of food. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a healthier couple.

Thursday, January 25, 2007


What problem? There is no problem!

This is Keira Knightley yesterday in London at The Edge of Love afterparty in a gorgeous purple dress looking as healthy as ever. At least in her mind. Remember – she doesn’t have a problem, she’s never had a problem, and you’re not allowed to say she has a problem. Because there is no problem.

Keira according to Keira takes care of herself properly. And if you don’t believe her you’re just a mean gossipy asshole. Yeah, that would be me.

As for her famous pursed lips - a few readers have emailed to defend Keira’s morose mug. You say that the contrived depression is simply a smokescreen for her razorblade teeth. This is maybe the most amazing theory, like, ever.

So Keira knows her smile is scary (surely you’ve seen the underbite, bulimic jaw, crazy incisor combination, right?) and therefore never bares her teeth, resulting in the pouty pissy face we’ve come to know and love.

Makes sense to me.

Does she think of prunes too?

Friday, June 20, 2008 at 5:58 AM


My Olga Kurylenko is in Paris for Fashion Week – at Chanel today and look! Blessed by the Karl himself! Karl seems to be quite pleased by this new Bond girl. But of course not quite as taken as he is by Keira Knightley who is very thin and doesn’t do anything disgusting … like eat food.

Keira was on hand today to support Karl Lagerfeld too. Of course. She is the face of Coco Mademoiselle. That’s a very thick fringe. You like? I think I do. It balances out her bulimic jaw.

Oh hush.

Keira doesn’t vomit!

She’s naturally thin!

And my mother dresses like Jacqueline Kennedy.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 2:43 PM

Both former “It” girls, both around the same age, both with body issues, both experts at denial, both f-cked up, and they found themselves together one night in a limo, not alone, accompanied by assistants and business agents and other Hollywood hangers-on, and of course cranked up on something, and touching led to feeling led to stroking, led to …

The slightly more famous of the two on her knees, head between the legs of the other, totally givin’er, as the others sat by awkwardly, and the recipient with her head thrown back totally enjoying it even though, in showbiz, to receive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a preference. To give however… well… suffice to say, the pleasure dispenser has very much established herself.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 6:30 AM

Update (6/10/12):
guess 1
guess 2
guess 3
denial 1: Heather Graham
denial 2: Denise Richards & Pamela Anderson
denial 3: Nicole Ritchie