"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS Tiger Woods is not Cuba. Josh Brolin isn’t Chocolate.

Friday, December 19, 2008

"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS. Russell Crowe is not Cuba. Daniel Craig is not Chocolate. Justin Timberlake isn’t chocolate either, but that would be amazing.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

"Bitch Wars" Bitch 1 Reveal #2


Ausiello is reporting that along with Jack Black, The Office has secured Jessica Alba for an appearance on the episode of The Office that will air immediately following the Super Bowl.

The Alba Demon is coming back to TV! Where she belongs!

Great move by her agent. And one that Shelfy Biel is too obtuse to make. Then again, Alba’s been bashing her head much longer against the brick wall of the film community without success. Give the other Jessica another year of two of sucking sh-t …maybe her agent will get the picture too.

Here’s the Alba Bitch at a Christmas party the other day trying to obscure her beauty. She only takes her clothes off and gets pretty when you pay her.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 5:23 PM

PS. Cuba is not Christian Bale. Chocolate is not Keith Urban. But I love that you guessed him. Heh.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS. Johnny Depp is not Cuba or Chocolate – seriously, I’ve never read such panic in your emails. Also not RDJ or Jude Law or Brad Pitt. As if.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate


Two different megastars, two different preferences, but in the end, the act is the same.

The first is a happy father, settled down and reformed, bankable and respected at the same time… a major player. Which is why it’s so important that he keeps his Cuban male lover hidden away to be enjoyed when he’s not on location. It might seem risqué, having his secret stashed so close to home and his official partner, but he’s hot and horny, and it’s not like he’s not living in a freestyling environment, although I have to tell you, this one really, really surprised me. He plays it so well. And in the end, if it wasn’t such a fraud, it totally wouldn’t matter. He is the nicest, nicest person. Kind and considerate and generous… makes me sad he’s forced to live a lie.

The other is much less attached, but just as heterosexually pressured, perhaps even more so. While he’s best known for his female pursuits, and so many females need to believe it that way, it would seem that women are not his only pleasures. When he decides he has a yearning for the other sex however, his flavour is decidedly darker. Sweet chocolate is what they call it? Yes. Black men are his weakness. On occasion, his hankering for it can get him into trouble. He was recently captivated by a fine black man working security at an event who was, unfortunately, not a homosexual. Apparently our star doesn’t have a very sophisticated gaydar because he hit up the wrong dude who did not appreciate the attention, even coming from such a powerful and coveted celebrity. He almost had his ass kicked. His people had to intervene, placate the man, pay off the man… although if he did end up getting the beat-down, he probably would have liked it. Because word is, as time goes on, he’s leaning towards picking a side. Like playing exclusively for the boys team.

Monday, December 15, 2008 at 6:49 AM

Update (03/10/15):
denial 1: Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law & Brad Pitt
denial 2: Christian Bale & Keith Urban
denial 3: Russell Crowe, Daniel Craig & Justin Timberlake

denial 4: Tiger Woods & Josh Brolin
denial 5: Russell Crowe, Tom Hanks, Rob Lowe & Hugh Grant

Cuba guess
Chocolate clue 1
denial 6: Tim McGraw, Liam Neeson, Denzel Washington & Josh Brolin

denial 7: Will Smith & Justin Timberlake
denial 8: Ewan McGregor
denial 9: Dennis Quaid, Jim Carrey & Keanu Reeves
denial 10: Kevin Bacon & Leonardo DiCaprio
denial 11: Ben Affleck
denial 12: Matthew McConaughey & Alec Baldwin

denial 13: Bruce Willis, Tobey Maguire & Forrest Whitaker

Cuba red herring (Hugh Jackman)
denial 14: Hugh Jackman
Chocolate reveal 1
Chocolate reveal 2
Chocolate reveal 3
Chocolate reveal 4
Chocolate reveal 5
Cuba reveal 1
Cuba reveal 2
Cuba reveal 3
Cuba reveal 4
Cuba reveal 5