"No one will tell him he sucks," it's not...


He sucks is not Robert Pattinson but that’s totally my favourite guess. WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!!!!!!! He’s suuuuuuuch a good actor!!!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

PS. Tranny Ego Blow is not Eminem.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"Tranny Ego Blow" clue?


She’s not high fiving his penis

What would it be like without John Mayer?

I’ll never stop slagging him but I also don’t want him to stop asking to be slagged.

So there was a story circulating yesterday that John Mayer has been secretly urinating on Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach/The Hills – click here for more.

As you know, John loves it when we talk about him. And he loves it even more that he has an opportunity to talk about himself.

Of course he took to his Twitter http://twitter.com/johncmayer immediately to address the rumour.

How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.

If he had stopped there, it would have been funny. But you know John. He kept going…

I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.

My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.

I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.

Then, becoming increasingly turned on, he promptly jerked himself off to one of his new songs.

This is Kristin yesterday loving the spotlight. She probably circulated the story herself.

And John a few days ago leaving Katsuya.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 8:02 AM

Not 50 Cent. Not Justin Timberlake. Not Josh Groban.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 9:11 AM


I’ve been saving up. There’s an even smuttier one to come later. But it’s almost Christmas. Christmas is about gossip gifts. This one is NOT FOR PRUDES.

He was working out one day at the gym and a well known tranny caught his eye. So he gave her the signal and they ended up in the bathroom where he told her it wasn’t the first time he’d been with a tranny and then she blew him and the entire time it was all cocktalk as he kept asking her “Do you know whose dick you’re sucking…?” like she was supposed to be honoured by his penis in her mouth. With him, it’s always about ego. Even when he’s being serviced, he still needs affirmation for his ego. Hilariously though, at the time, she had no clue she was helping herself to an award winning artist.

Not 50 Cent. Not Justin Timberlake. Not Josh Groban.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 9:11 AM

Update (10/13/10):
denial 1: 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake & Josh Groban
denial 2: Eminem
denial 3: David Foster


"No one will tell him he sucks" clue


Please don’t encourage him

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association. They are feeding Pippy’s ego and worse, they are giving him encouragement to keep acting.

If you’ve ever seen him in a movie, from Alpha Dog to Edison to Black Snake Moan to The Love Guru, well you know. You know that encouraging him to keep acting is a disservice to the world.

But Justin Timberlake wants to conquer it. He is focusing all his energy on it. He has put music aside for it. And now the HPFA has invited him to announce the Golden Globe nominations on Tuesday alongside real actors John Krasinski and Diane Kruger.

…the f-ck?

Pip’s inclusion is even more ludicrous than Jessica Biel’s a few years ago. But he’ll take it as a sign that he should keep trying. We are the ones who will suffer.

By the way…what’s Shelfy doing? Well JT will almost certainly be invited to attend the Globe ceremony. She’s now begging to tag along with him.

Friday, December 11, 2009 at 7:59 AM

There’s a dirtier riddle coming later in the week but here’s an easy quickie for now

He wants this so badly, to be taken seriously as an actor. But on the set of his new movie, everyone is baffled. By how terrible he is. Like laughably terrible. The worst timing, the most awkward line reads, cheesy expressions… at this point it’s become a fun work-time activity: watch him get through a scene, feel the fontrum for him while he sucks it so hard so obliviously, giggle your tits off later because he walks around thinking he is the sweetest sh-t ever.

There’s an ego involved, of course, and he actually thinks he’s doing a good job, that he is gifted in this discipline too. Please. He is not gifted. And his lack of gifts in this respect could cost the entire production. The weakest link drags it all down. Which is why people are mystified that the director has not bothered to fix it. Like suggesting more classes, like pushing his coach, like replacing him with someone who can actually do it? None of the above. Word is, he’ll make the corrections in post by greatly reducing the role. Unless there’s a miracle and suddenly Cate Blanchett comes out of his ass to save the day. Not likely.

Monday, December 21, 2009 at 6:51 AM

Update (01/05/10):
denial: Robert Pattinson