Franchise Fat

Written by Sarah

He showed up the first time fit and fine but this time around he was rather round about the tum. The director noticed and was not happy, fearing for the consistency of the franchise. When asked to slim down, the slightly schlumpy star responded, “This movie isn’t worth it.” The trim-down request was rejected, and the show went on, but feelings were sore and things were a bit stiff until Sir Portly finished his scenes.

Thursday, September 22, 2011 at 8:01 AM


"Boy Crazy" reveal 4

Gwynnie helps Cammie control the crazy?

Cameron Diaz is not good with breakups. Cammie becomes That Girl. We all know a girl who’s That Girl. Or maybe we’ve all been That Girl. When I was 16 and a boy broke up with me for some bitch who looked like Reba McEntire, I drove to his house every night to see if she was over. She used to wear this really lame floppy hat and walk around asking people whether or not it “fazed” them. He was dumb enough to think that that was a really profound question. Obviously I’m totally over this.

In my defence, being 16 and dumped is one thing. Being Cameron Diaz, 38, and dumped and losing your sh-t is entirely another, especially when you so desperately want guys to think of you as the good time girl who comes with no drama and just loves to ride the cock.

Remember when Cam shrilled out on Justin Timberlake for almost an hour at a party after the Globes when she found out about Jessica Biel? I see this happening in public more and more. Adult women screaming in public like it’s not embarrassing at all. WHEN did it become not embarrassing? It will NEVER be NOT embarrassing. Please communicate this to everyone you know - via Facebook, via Twitter, your distribution list, please do it for real. Because I’m not sure enough people are actually aware.

Cameron Diaz certainly isn’t.

And if little Pipsqueak Timberlake with his half sack was able to turn her into a raging jilted cliché, imagine the impression ARod’s centaur of a package has left behind.

I’ve no doubt he f-cked her up. And she’s holding on, barely. And she may let loose on him, there may be another incident. Perhaps she shows up at one of his games, starts mouthing him off from the stands while he’s at bat. While the cameras are rolling. Um... would totally be Good for Gossip, OF COURSE it would be.

Which must be why Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to kill our erection. Gwyneth specialises in killing your joy, non? Gwyneth hooked up with Cam for dinner after the Emmy Awards. As you know, they’ve been friends a long time. G is also, as you know, a life coach for many of her friends. She tells them how to make high class pizza and suffer through their husband’s infidelity. It’s a good influence for Cam. It’s a calming one. It means that we may not get the meltdown that would otherwise go down if G could mind her f-cking business; but that’s the kind of girl G is - she looks out for her (famous) friends.

Cam was apparently very happy and smiled a lot during their time together, showing no signs of residual crazy from when ARod left her. Knowing Gwyneth she’s probably already thinking of who to set Cam up with next. Garrett Hedlund?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 8:23 AM

Boy Crazy
(Click picture to see "bumps" more clearly)

This just might be the best

Olivia Wilde made her entrance at the VitaminWater pre-gala cocktail for Butter last night as I was shoving my face into all the neglected food. I was seated directly facing the elevator, the only entrance point to the venue.

When she stepped out in this white dress, the last to arrive, fully aware that she was totally hijacking the attention...

Well, as cliché as it sounds, in this case it truly applies: she was a vision.

It’s not only the gown. It’s how the wearer presents it.

She glided. She held her chin at just the right height. She had the perfect expression of serenity and seduction on her face. And, I mean, then there’s the dress itself.

I saw it twice last night, both at the cocktail and then several hours later at the InStyle party. In person, it’s INCREDIBLE. The way it moved you could almost feel it on your face - like silk with soft wind on a hot beach. Some of you may look at these photos and find it underwhelming especially after all this hyperbole. My friend Fiona is like that. If you tell her you really like a movie and the movie was so good, she’ll end up hating the movie because it was built up too much for her. The best thing to do when you’re telling Fiona about a movie is to be rather medium about it - “yeah, I liked it, it was ok” - and then when she sees it, she’ll turn the medium into amazing all by herself.

I suspect then, with all my gushing, some might be looking at Olivia Wilde’s dress and shrugging your shoulders. But I am telling you. If you saw it standing in front of you, if you saw its perfect, perfect shade of white, if you saw how the material was so exquisite it would at times appear to pleat and then the next moment become completely flat, if you could appreciate the long and elegant silhouette, I promise you we would all agree on this. All of us.

And, shockingly, it’s Marchesa. You know I very, very, very rarely like Marchesa. But this dress is f-cking crazy. And the styling worked beautifully. Neutral makeup, simple hair, SO stunning. This whole week I’ve seen her, she has been stunning.

But for real, I can’t stop thinking about this dress. And look how it makes everyone beside Olivia look really poor. Especially Ashlee Greene, always amateur hour. And it’s a Marchesa?!?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011 at 6:28 AM

TIFF skin problem

When TIFF was winding last week and several of us sat around comparing notes and gossiping, as we always do after the festival, a few minutes of the conversation was devoted to a certain actress who looked spectacular in photographs, wearing what was truly an inspired dress, but who actually has a serious skin problem which you can see up close. It’s a massive layer of foundation covering her forehead and even then, the bumps underneath are quite noticeable.

Some things won’t go away even if you keep throwing money at them. And you’d be surprised, given how perfect they look so much of the time, how often UN-perfect they really are.

Monday, September 19, 2011 at 9:18 AM

Update (9/21/11):


Emmy ex-off: Jennifer Carpenter vs Julia Stiles

Did Michael C Hall actually go the Emmys? I’ve seen photos of him at an after-party but haven’t been able to find pictures of him at the show. Or perhaps I was preoccupied with shots of his ex-wife and his ex-lover dressed in similarly toned gowns. Grey-nude silhouette, hair down and wavy, one more tricked out than the other but overall it’s the same play, giving them even more in common than former lover and co-star.

I’ll give the edge to Carpenter who very rarely misses even though Stiles certainly deserves credit for her improvement. Do you remember her from the Golden Globes? Click here for a refresher. Goddamn that was bad. But she has a new boyfriend now. And he isn’t married. Some people figure it out quickly. Unlike Claire Danes who... I mean it took her a while and I worry that all the joy was taken from her and she can’t get it back. More on this later.

Monday, September 19, 2011 at 6:08 AM

About that breakup

Emmys Most Miserable: Claire Danes

I feel like whenever I see Claire Danes smile, she doesn’t really mean it. Duana asked the question during the liveblog last night - when was the last time Claire Danes threw her head back and laughed, heartily?

If you watched MSCL, you’ll understand the attachment we feel to her. And therefore the disappointment about what happened with Billy Crudup. It didn’t last, obviously, and it never does, and she’s with Hugh Dancy now (he did not attend with her) and they’re married and stable and she’s back on television and that’s all great and I hate to be bringing up this conversation - again - but I only do it because the toll that she took through it, it left some pretty visible and permanent scars. And I don’t just mean the stories that keep circulating about what a drunk mess she is at these events either...

I saw Dancy at TIFF several times last week. He’s very nice, he was relaxed and comfortable, seemed to have a great time catching up with friends. There was nothing smutty to report. But I will say there’s a noticeable difference in their demeanours. Where he is chill and loose, she’s seems withdrawn and, frankly, rather unhappy a lot of the time. Which is why she can’t come alive in this dress. This is a dress that could totally pop. Only Claire hasn’t been poppy in a long, long time.

Monday, September 19, 2011 at 6:21 AM

Clinging to love