Her First Request


Is always cocaine. Whenever she’s booked for something, whenever she’s scheduled to be somewhere, whenever she has to be on, or off, or pretty much standing these days, she needs a bump first, and the lowlies are required to procure her some, which she’ll eventually chase with hard liquor, a habit she’s become quite famous for.

Up until now she’s been able to manage herself quite well. “She’s always been a functioning drug user and drinker, she always gets her sh-t done.” But now that sh-t is turning nasty. It shows up on the side job, ugly, revealing, personal rants that go too long and elicit only embarrassment. Or it shows up as the bitch with her hand between her legs and her tongue stuck in the ear of some leering dickhead whose name she can’t remember the next day.

And her people aren’t doing anything about it. Because, frankly, “this is part of her image, it’s not like (she) ever pretended she never partied. When she talks about partying, everyone gets a cheque”. Enablers notwithstanding, it’s taking those who really care about her longer to notice.

In her case, then, I guess it’s the exact opposite of the child employees: they f-ck up because they’re not allowed to, she f-cks up because she’s encouraged to. Either way it’s becoming a serious problem, exacerbated by the fact that she was recently dumped by a dude who could no longer handle her lifestyle and then immediately moved on to a wholesome new broad 10 years younger.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 at 6:43 AM

Update (11/03/10):
denial 1: Lindsay Lohan


There was a party recently to celebrate the imminent arrival. So he took the opportunity to get dressed up, full lady costume, with his male friends, and sing and dance and flail about, and let the real him fly for a change, at least the afternoon, just like in the movies, while his expectant wife looked on... or away, I guess, depends how you see it. They say he feels free in character, this particular character.

But it wasn’t an open invitation for everyone. These curious affairs never are. Even the wait staff was required to have come off the same space ship. Like mandatory. While he would have preferred tall, dark, and handsome too, in this respect, at least lately, she’s been able to overrule him. Impulse control, however, has never been his strength. He’s been on a very, very short leash.

Monday, October 04, 2010 at 6:50 AM