I’m about to gloat, just a little. If you can’t handle it, skip to the next. Gloating isn’t terribly gracious, but then again, neither is gossiping. And in this business, I gotta give my sources their due when they come through.
On Sunday night, following the BAFTAs, I reported exclusively on the bedroom eye action going on between Renee Z and George Clooney at the event. This morning, two days later, UK tabloids are blaring headlines that the two were caught canoodling at a hotel bar later on that evening. They also printed a rather suspect quote from Clooney about being ready to settle down. I’ll take that one with a grain of salt. I definitely, however, buy the rekindled closeness that seems to have bloomed between the two former maybe daters. And while I certainly have issues with Renee’s bronzer and her lemon suckage and also her alarming relationship with food, I have to tell you, I definitely approve of this couple for the following reasons:
1. Renee is not a flooze. Renee is also not Teri Hatcher – thank Goddess. And even though George’s romantic past has been littered with soft core porn bikini babes, I think we can all agree that a man of his stature needs a woman with an equally respectable resume. Renee is a celebrated actress, she is not stupid, she is not a bimbo, she knows how to read, and she can certainly keep him interested conversationally. In other words, George’s brain will remain as sharp as his penis. This is very important.
2. George does not want children. Therefore, it’s important for him to hook up with someone who either shares this preference or who is too old or too damaged to want them as well. Now Renee’s not exactly creaking around, but the girl is five years past fresh. And considering all the extreme dieting she’s subjected her body to, in addition to other industry indulgences that have not likely done her any favours, I’m guessing Renee’s window of fertility isn’t exactly wide open. But bagging a diamond geezer like George wouldn’t exactly be a sh*tty consolation prize.
And finally…perhaps the most compelling reason of all…
3. Renee needs a kind, good man for a change. In spite of it all, I do like Renee. Renee is what Jennifer Aniston should be and isn’t. Except Renee has talent. A regular down home girl, ordinary looking and she knows it, grateful for her opportunities, never reaching for an elusive Olympus that will never be hers. Which is why I feel sad for Renee. The single girl so unlucky in love, a nice girl who just picks the wrong dudes. Hooking up with a narcissist like Jim Carrey could not have been great on her ego. And we certainly don’t have to rehash what Kenny Chesney put her through. So after all the heartache, after all the pain, wouldn’t it be nice if Renee could finally find solace in the arms of real man like George? Come on gossips. Open your smutty hearts and grant her a new kind of happiness, happiness of the healthy sort.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
