Digits on the Run


A very attractive male actor at a photoshoot just this past weekend, curiously without girlfriend, making a career out of making girls want to be his girlfriend. A special bond exists between artist and subject – as explained to me, when something clicks, so to speak, it just clicks, and it’s as though the two are the room together, alone, creating magic.

Magic obviously lingered, he obviously wanted the magic to linger beyond their studio session, so he asked for a phone number. Not to go out for coffee, not for a follow up set of pictures, not for any other reason than the reason you think. A bold surprising move given that it’s not usually his style, especially since he’s not allowed to be so overt, but lately he just can’t help himself.

I’m told that in addition to the photographer, there are have been suggestive advances made to a network publicist a few weeks ago, and to an event planner a few weeks before that, much to the consternation of his professional wardens who have impressed upon him the importance of holding on just a little longer, just until the official renewal, just until the numbers climb back up. Apparently he struggles with the pressure every day.

By the way, the photographer is gay. As are all the others. But you knew that already, right?

PS. - in an unrelated matter...

Let’s try it this way:

What major A list actress will be mortified to learn that her husband was once arrested and charged for assaulting a woman, grabbing her by the neck, and punching her in the chest? They settled out of court, of course – a major payoff in exchange for silence, then buried the paperwork, but these things always have a way of coming out…

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Update (8/19/08):
denial 1 & clue: Chad Michael Murray
denial 2 & clue: Daniel Craig & Jake Gyllenhaal

No matter which way you slice it, this dress sucks donkey ass.


All of it is ass - the fabric, the way it cuts off her arms, her makeup…all of it is ass.

Southern. Belle. Ass.

But curiously enough, those are also some very healthy looking breasts. Like expectant breasts. Shall we start a new rumour? Is Courteney Cox pregnant again?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Shit…now here’s a shocker. A sweetheart not so much???

Received an email from the lovely AC in Texas:

Hi Lainey!

Carrie Underwood and Tony Romo were at a very nice restaurant in South Lake, Texas recently. Tony was a charmer and Carrie was a complete and total BITCH! Neither Please nor Thank You ever came out of her mouth! My friend was refilling water when an older lady came by and asked Carrie for an autograph and Carrie barked at her and told her to go away. After the meal was over and they were leaving, my friend asked Tony for his autograph bc her little sister is obsessed. Tony of course happily obliged asking the sisters name and age. Carrie threw a fit and started interrogating Tony questioning why he needed to know her age, finally storming out with him following her. I was born and raised in Dallas, and honey I have the best manners…maybe they don’t teach you that in Oklahoma, but maybe the bitch needs some lessons from Kelly Clarkson!


Maybe she’s not really that bad? Girl’s been looking kinda little – not eating can make you grumpy.

Could eating be the cure for the raging attitude?

I think yes.

Friday, January 19, 2007


Exclusive. My sources have spotted him in Vancouver this week, working on a new movie called Juno starring Ellen Page (talked about in some circles as the female Ryan Goslig – for talent, I mean, not The Notebook), and Jennifer Garner.

Once upon a time, before River Phoenix, I went to bed dreaming of Jason every night.

Anyway, Jason is allegedly replacing Luke Wilson who was allegedly in Vancouver a few weeks ago for wardrobe and preparation for the same role in Juno before heading to Los Angeles for the Grammys.


Wonder what prompted the switch? Probably just scheduling conflicts right?

Yes. That TOTALLY must be it.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Have you seen what Luke Wilson looks like lately? Shocked me in Blades of Glory – it’s frightening how bloated he is. Bloated in a bad way, bloated in a “I drink too much and I’m a loser” kind of way – what the hell was Gwyneth thinking?

Thursday, April 19, 2007


"Text Harassment," it's not...

Thursday, February 8, 2007

PPS. Julia Roberts does not harass via text message. Julia is A-list independently, TH is A-list by association and syndication. Also not Jada Pinkett Smith. TH’s husband will never go near an Oscar, never mind get nominated for one.


Happily married comes in all shapes and sizes. By conventional definition, both spouses are faithful, both spouses expect fidelity, and when all goes to plan, both spouses adhere to the gameplan…happily ever after.

There are however some couples who can make it work by a different playbook – typically called an Open Marriage when one or the other or both can explore outside the marital bed boundaries but remain committed spiritually, emotionally, and most importantly…financially.

Such is the case with Her and her Famous But-not-as-Famous Husband.

On the heels of a career rejuvenation of sorts, partners now both on and off screen, a true family at last, our A-list wife is experiencing a sexual awakening not entirely satisfied by her spouse. Instead, she has set her sights on a number of periphery players, most recently an employee of sorts – the only problem is that the employee is engaged and, truth be told so he says, isn’t really interested in stepping out on his bride-to-be with his Actress Boss…but isn’t that the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace?

Unfortunately, the Actress Boss isn’t taking no for an answer and much to his Fiancee’s horror, Actress Boss has taken to texting the object of her desire repeatedly – texts so explicit and so detailed and so full on horny and actually so really, really hot, regular readers of Hustler would have a hard time not blushing. And the worst part? The Fiancee, poor girl, found them. She read them, she hit the roof, she wants to call off the wedding but he keeps pleading innocence and harassment.

At the start of what might be a promising career, saying NO could jeopardize his future – at least that’s his excuse. Oh yeah – and he also says the Actress Boss could just be “method acting” – deliberately crossing the line to bring out a more authentic performance which sounds to me like a dude who wants to keep his job and his pecker inside his job.

Lame joke yes…but couldn’t resist. Please forgive?

And it’s not Anne Heche.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Update (10/12/10):
denial 1: Anne Heche
denial 2: Jennifer Lopez & Demi Moore
denial 3: Julia Roberts & Jada Pinkett Smith
reveal 1
reveal 2

reveal 3

The bitchery of Courteney Cox continued
The Belle from Hell

Monday, February 19, 2007

PPS. Colin Farrell was not Drunk and Fired. Colin isn’t bloated anymore…D&F STILL is. And he has been for a while now. Shame really…for a while he was actually good enough for (in my opinion) the Best of the Best, legally and romantically. And now he’s working with bimbo blondes straight to DVD, poor sod.

Drunk & Fired

Who’s rumoured to be thrown off his latest movie because he can’t stay sober? It wasn’t a starring role but those kinds of jobs are few and far between these days. Obviously being a dickhead has a lot to do with it…as does looking bloated most of the time. And unfortunately he doesn’t have Vince Vaughn’s charm. Or, for that matter, Vince’s more successful, more sought-after counterpart...which actually might be part of the problem.

Huge ego problem, not enough talent to back it up, using numbs the insecurity.

Always the same story.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Update (8/5/08):
Denial & Clue: Colin Farrell
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

PPS. The Wrong Gender is not Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston can’t afford anything but hetero. This girl on the other hand has already disappointed the MiniVan Majority before, though I’m still not clear who she was exactly at the time. There are, apparently, several of her.


She might be single now – amid rampant speculation about why and who, but we’ve apparently all been sniffing at the wrong source. Wrong as in gender. Stepping out AND reverting and not with a dude?

Anything for promotion, right?

But behind the market push for ratings lies a Sapphic surprise. And word is – not just one. Very naughty…but also kinda hot, non?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Update (5/18/08):
clue 1
clue 2 & denial: Jennifer Aniston


Country’s reigning princess won big last night. And as you can see, Carrie Underwood’s stayed close stylistically to her roots. The waves, the curls, the gold tacky dress… this is a girl who knows how to please her fanbase.

Well done.

Having said that, it’s apparently no secret – Carrie Underwood isn’t exactly a sweetheart. Rumour has it she’s a demanding, crusty, petty bitch…the kind of bitch with demands and shit, like don’t talk to me, like I want this and that, and do you know who I am? At least she was last year.

Maybe she’s turned a new leaf?

From the sounds of it last night… not likely. Am told she allegedly had no time for most other female artists especially newcomer Taylor Swift and Kellie Pickler. Supposedly she feels threatened and was not terribly kind or gracious to Taylor, apparently visibly irritated when Taylor showed up in a similarly shaded prom dress.

As for Kellie – she had a meltdown on stage and now some are claiming Carrie was laughing about it all night, openly deriding the girl for being so “embarrassing”. Sources say Carrie that while Carrie is an industry phenom and undoubtedly talented, her ego is growing out of control, to the point that she is not winning any friends among Nashville’s established.

But look at her. She looks so sweet. Like wholesome country corn. A girl like this can’t be a bitch, right?

Thursday, November 08, 2007


It’s George!

Looking kinda sleepy on the set of Leatherheads in South Carolina. George is pulling double duty starring and directing. Hope he’s finding opportunities to relax?

Friday, March 16, 2007



There have always been rumblings about his sexual orientation…never anything concrete. Just that, as we all know, any time you’re single for a protracted time in Hollywood and you happen to be as fine and distinguished as he is, people start to whisper. And while I do know for sure that he does enjoy women, even hiring them on occasion, this is the first legitimate hint of the gaygay – for me anyway – that I can report.

Or maybe not. Maybe it means nothing. After all, there can be a THOUSAND explanations behind it, right?

So he’s shooting on location. Co-star flirtation will undoubtedly start swirling…as usual… especially since they’ve supposedly had a past. Anyway, during down time, he heads to the local spa for a massage. Very normal. Except he books a Couples Massage. Also very normal. But is it normal that his partner was his stylist? His male stylist?

Well… since I think he’s totally, totally straight – to me, he’s just a dude with a tight sched. Sometimes you have to take a meeting in the unlikeliest of places. Others in our conservative location town however found it a little unusual though I should clarify – there were no Travolta-like masseur-inspired c*ckstands, thank Goddess.

Oh and one more thing – this male stylist goes everywhere habit? It’s apparently, like, totally a habit. Every location, everywhere, a shadow. I hear this wasn’t the first couples massage. And it won’t be the last.

But again – call me Cruise, as is the case with Jake Gyllenhaal, to me this superstar is 100% into chicks.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Update (7/11/08):

Other blinds about the wonderful life of George Clooney
Mr. Popular Likes Pretty Woman?
Why He's Single

So the Gay Midget Dwarf is scheduled to hit NYC on April 19th for a fundraiser – apparently the Church has found the magic solution to those suffering from toxin exposure during 9/11. The Scientological program has been the recipient of hundreds of thousands of dollars in funding from the city and although some claim to have been cured by the GMD’s method, it has not been officially endorsed by the Fire or Police departments and has even been labeled “medical mumbo jumbo” by some specialists in the field, going so far as to call the procedures potentially “dangerous”. The process includes:

“high doses of niacin to release fatty acids into the bloodstream, ingesting cold-pressed oil and sweating off "toxins" in a sauna set at 140 to 180 degrees for 2 and a 1/2 to five hours a day, with frequent showers.”

Remember of course that the regimen is based on the doctrine of Church founder L Ron Hubbard – praise Thetan Ah-Xenu.

But still…Detoxing with the GMD, like, so totally works, right?

Monday, April 09, 2007


PPS. Girl on the Verge – remember her? Good news is she’s managed to avoid rock bottom…for now. Dried out for a week though a new setback is causing much distress. Seems she’s been professionally replaced, the mentor has moved on. Which in the long run is a good thing. In the short term however, it’s more rejection and for someone so fragile, it could mean disaster. Let’s hope she stays strong. Will keep you posted.

Thursday, April 10, 2007



Depressed and directionless and bitterly disappointed over recent professional failures and feeling stifled by a ruthless mentor, she is apparently on the verge – like a Britney verge. Except in her case, she’s lucky the pappies don’t have so much access.

Wild, wild partying and an endless cocktail of serious drugs supplied by an unsavoury group of new friends who are as degenerate as they come, relentlessly pushing their poisons into her body. And apparently she’s too messed up to stand up and walk out. Word is she’s either “out of it” half the time or so wild on tilt with insatiable chemical appetite that even her people can barely control her. She has been late or absent from a few recent engagements and while she was fortunate enough to have her team make new arrangements on the fly, her reputation is beginning to suffer…though that’s not the biggest problem.

The old friends fear the new friends are taking her down a dangerous path. Recent night out – by the end of the evening she was limp and lifeless and supposedly serviced by two different men and also at one point full on making out with another woman. She’s also been known to go missing, totally unreachable for hours at a time, and when she resurfaces, she’s a frightful mess.

Of course there are those trying to help her. And some days, she knows and she tries. But when the night comes and that crowd is calling, it’s trouble all over again.

Not Lindsay.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Update (7/11/08):
denial 1: Lindsay Lohan
clue 1
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3
reveal 4

More Sienna stupidity
Leftover Blow

Thursday, April 12, 2007

PS. The New Bitch is not Katie Couric, not Meredith Vieira. MUCH younger, entirely different industry.


Gotta pay your dues in any industry…but especially in hers. However, it seems like the New Bitch doesn’t care for respecting the veterans in her business and so she is making enemies of almost everyone she works with and everyone who works with everyone she works with. For such a close knit community, this certainly doesn’t bode well, especially when the freshman glow starts to recede.

But such foresight has escaped her and she’s burning bridges left right and centre, issuing demands normally reserved for bonafide legends in the business and treating the “workers” like they were born to serve her. During a recent tantrum, when she was given some professional advice, and instead of taking the criticism and learning from it, she waved her finger around, humiliating the person trying to help her, and tore him a new asshole: “I don’t need you to tell me what to do. I AM (this business) and I saved it too!” and then of course sulked for an hour and refused to work.

And then there’s the insecurity. The minute another big name female gets brought up, the backstabbing begins. “Oh please… she is so fat next to me, she should just go home” or “Girl is gettin’ OLD! She should stop worrying about what I’m doing – it’s stressin’ her out!”

Now as women…let’s face it… we are ALL catty. But the smart ones do it in a safe environment, with our girls, with those we trust. But the New Bitch’s ego is so out of control, she drops her insults everywhere, all the time, and she thinks she’s above repercussion.

Dead Wrong.

With the exception of her own team – and they’re milking her dry anyway – most people in the industry hate her with a passion. And while they would never intentionally bring her down, they will certainly make her feel unwelcome. So one day when she needs a friend, she may not have anyone to help. Hospitality is not an eternal river.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Update (3/29/08):
denial: Katie Couric & Meredith Vieira
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3


One of my closest friends Julie – love her – she quit smoking years ago, is one of those ex smokers who is, like, evangelical about cigarettes: it’s filthy, it’s going to kill you, don’t do it, stop doing it, why are you doing it, you really shouldn’t do it…

I, on the other hand, I’m the other kind of ex smoker. Though I stopped over a month ago, I know that I will always love smoking. Smoking for me will be like that bad boy who keeps breaking your heart and taking your money, the one you can’t even talk on the phone with, because a phone call will most certainly lead to a booty call. The point is, I get it. I get how hard it is to quit. I get that smoking is sometimes that one vice some might never leave.

But what of the superstar who claims no vices? Who claims transcendence over addiction thanks to studied enlightenment and almost supernatural self control?

Husband, hero, healer…What would his followers think of his other closeted habit? Methol ciggies alledgedly sucked back like a fiend behind closed doors - yet another secret on top of all the others. Or is it that the one super suppressed secret is spawning the others? Is it the keeping of the Big Secret that compels him to cope by secretly smoking?

Is smoking a big deal? Of course not. But for someone whose image is largely based on selling perfection, whose status supposedly is said to render him immune to addiction, who can apparently assist in overcoming it – smoking is indeed a bit hypocritical, though by comparison to his other fraud, I suppose it’s all relative.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Update (7/18/08):
Friday, November 16, 2007

PPS. Catherine Zeta-Jones is an Oscar winner. No Mute Stones for her.


Physically I’m not attracted to him. He’s a bit too…… hirsute for my tastes. But in person? When he speaks? Adrian Grenier is The Hotness.

First of all, he’s tall. Tall for a celebrity. I’d say just over 5 ft 10, maybe an inch more. And he’s serious. He’s not at all Vincent Chase. Serious in the sense that he’s not loose, not a joker, not like George Clooney who can ham it up and is the centre of attention everywhere. Adrian is really low key and, well, almost introverted I’d say.

Every answer is measured and deliberate, there’s nothing facetious about him, not that there’s no sense of humour but he’s just not a frivolous guy, you know what I mean?

But it’s the way he speaks that makes the difference. Articulate is sexy, non? And Adrian Grenier is very articulate. He uses proper sentences, he uses appropriate words in appropriate contexts, he used the word “normalcy” as opposed to normality – normality is what I consider a cop out, and I like to think he wouldn’t say “utilise” either…words created for the sound of their own self importance.

No, no. Adrian Grenier is better than Utilise.

And he has the most beautiful, beautiful eyes. And apparently he’s part of a Book Club. Asked him about it today, he said they discussed the Jeffrey Sachs book, then did a Book Club fundraiser and ended up donating $11,000.

Love, love, love.

And Adrien Grenier is now fighting for a spot on the Freebie Five.
Here he is today on the Croisette. Yes, he is that thin.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007



What’s worse than Rossum? What’s worse than Rossum is a CHEAP celebrity. What’s worse than a CHEAP celebrity are two CHEAP celebrities.

Both successful, both earning millions, both with new projects on the go…both in Toronto last weekend treated to a complimentary dinner at a posh supper club. And leaving only a six dollar tip.


Of course the teenage fan defence will be that stars don’t carry cash. Fair enough. But if you don’t have cash, do whatever it takes – call your farking manager, call your assistant, call your band if you have to, get a few bills and tip the hard working server who has to make your punk asses happy for 2 hours, would you?

As of Thursday, no follow up visit has been made for more generous gratuity.

Un. Forgivable.

But then again, not that surprising. She’s always been a twat anyway. And he’s a twat for loving her.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Update (7/15/08):

Other Punk Ass incidents
Which little Punk Ass...


It’s one of the few downsides of the job and while the snark is occasionally balanced by super love and adoration, when your fantasies about someone turn out to be just that – just fantasies – it absolutely crushes you.

Such is the case with Joaquin Phoenix. I am sad.

I loved him after Walk the Line. It was mild obsession. Read every article, watched every interview, make believe scenarios replayed in my mind – we would meet, he would pursue me, he would invite Colin Firth to our house. Happily ever after, the end.

Unfortunately … not happy. And as for the end – I certainly hope he puts an end to whatever he’s doing to himself.

He is, of course, a brilliant actor. Brilliant. One of the best. And he has brought a new film to TIFF called Reservation Road co-starring the equally brilliant Mark Ruffalo – more on him later. In a word, Mark is DELIGHTFUL.

Back to Joaquin: I saw him yesterday at the Intercon goofing around with his cast members. Seemed very animated but not alarmingly so. However, word from the Sutton Place the same afternoon is that he was completely jacked – bright eyes, a close talker, speaking very quickly, eyes darting this way and that, a little bit paranoid, and looked like he’d barely showered.

Last night he apparently raged super hard. I was at the Park Hyatt, he had an area secured for him off to the side, but he came up, saw how packed it was, got freaked out, and decided to go somewhere else. Wherever he went, he was feeling the effects of it all day.

His junket was this morning. Everyone EVERYONE was talking about how rough he looked. Walked down the hall totally hunched over covering his head, couldn’t believe he could stand up straight. Luckily I was in the early rotation. He was in a foul mood. And looking at him face to face put me in a foul mood. Most disappointing is that you know the hotness is in there, hidden under layers and layers of hurt and trauma and whatever else it is that Joaquin Phoenix is escaping.

And you know what? We didn’t have a bad time. Famous for being surly and difficult with reporters, he actually didn’t mind my questions. And with Joaquin you know when he minds your questions because he will not hesitate to either throw you out of his room or walk out on you himself. It happens all the time. It happened to a journalist just today.

Towards the end though, it was like a switch went off. He went from being rather articulate to no longer being in the mood to talk. And to be honest, when you’re face to face with someone in such bad shape, the only thing you want to do is to get out of the room anyway.

So I wrapped, he thanked me, we shook hands, said he appreciated the time, and then stood up, grabbed his smokes and hustled over to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, having finished two or three more, he walked off the entire junket. No more interviews. He couldn’t get through.

To me, this was no simple hangover. It is beyond hangover. This is a problem. A very serious problem. Looking at him, all I was reminded of were the kids we work with at Covenant House Vancouver covenanthousebc.org. They are in such turmoil, in such need of escape, so deeply damaged that their hurt becomes contagious. And while many other actors who may have behaved in the same fashion may just be assholes, period, with Joaquin, given how truly beloved he is by all of those around him and everyone who has worked with him, given how gentle he is even when he’s acting like a dickhead, you really do get the sense that this is someone who is in an enormous amount of pain and who is dealing with it in the unhealthiest of ways.

But it’s not over. Only 2 hours later, Joaquin had apparently recovered. He was still at the Intercon having lunch on the patio with his co-stars. He still wasn’t all that steady on his feet, walking wasn’t too easy, but the attitude appeared to have been adjusted. WAY in the opposite direction. Shouting and laughing and whooping it up loudly, and then proceeded to get down on his knees and started singing at the top of his lungs. Then he took his sunglasses off, whipped them at Mark Ruffalo, and continued his song.

You will note this was not a private area. There were other diners, many of them journalists, also eating on the patio. And all of them were buzzing – Joaquin Phoenix is out of control. Joaquin Phoenix is sad smut.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Monday, July 23, 2007

PS. The Vice is not Ben Affleck. Though I’m sure Ben has considerable talents, acting is clearly not one of them. Also not Jonathan Rhys Meyers – Vice is much less androgynous and played a different legend.



He is super talented. Undeniably so. But like many of the most brilliant, he is also very troubled, though it was thought that he had been able to gain control of his demons with professional assistance. Thing is, he went in last time for booze…at least that’s what was “revealed” at the time… but it turns out, since he’s certainly not abstaining these days, the truth is alcohol was never his vice. His vice was actually hard core smack.

Which is why he’s been brazen about drinking in public these days - carousing and cavorting with friends and family who up to this point haven’t seemed concerned, seeing as vodka wasn’t his toxic muse. Past tense.

Word is he’s been hitting the bottle hard to the point of oblivion, to the point where the studio behind his new projects and the suits who manage the marketing are getting worried about whether or not he’ll be able to deliver on his commitments and are now trying to impose behaviourial conditions on his promotional appearances as a pre-emptive move to get him to clean up - something has not taken kindly to.

Jury is still out on whether or not he can pull it together but everyone is pulling for him. In spite of his issues, everyone loves him. He’s a sweet endearing guy with a terrible terrible problem.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Update (7/18/08):
denial: Ben Affleck & Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Wednesday, September 12, 2007

PPS. The Unfunny Douche Unfunny Douche is not Jim Carrey. Jim is not gay. Jim is not green.


Here’s Shelf Ass walking her dog outside the Staples Centre the other day while Pip was presumably inside pre-performance. Like she'd ever miss a moment of his show, being his biggest fan, surely she wouldn’t stand to be deprived of even a minute of staring at him adoringly, thankful and appreciative …after all, he pretty much gave her her career.

Again, this girl is a Stage 5 clinger.

But at least she’s a responsible dog owner, right? Making sure to walk her baby before the show, doing it herself and not leaving the job to an assistant, unavoidably running in to these bad, bad intrusive photographers who just happened to be there to capture her canine devotion…especially since her publicist just released a rather curious statement.

You see, Celebrity Dog Watcher contacted Jessica Biel’s brilliant rep asking for the whereabouts of her OTHER dog. Jessica had 2 you see – two pit bulls – and now, obviously, only one remains. Rumour has it, one died. So what happened?

Here’s the official statement as provided to Celebrity Dog Watcher:

Thank you for contacting us, the story you have posted is not accurate. Tevy was Jessica’s younger dog that she adopted over six months ago. Last month Tevy suffered an unfortunate accident when she was playing with a group of dogs. No one was around to witness exactly what happened, and sadly she died later that day at a veterinary hospital. From one dog lover to another, we thank you for your concern and for thinking of her during this difficult time.

Coincidence or conspiracy?
Do you smell what I smell?

Bull. F&cking. Shit.
Thanks Lauren!

Thursday, September 20, 2007


One after another – celebrity dog scandals. This one is extremely upsetting.

Miss Bottom had two. Both of the same fierce breed. They say of this breed that they should never be left alone together. That inevitably only one will remain.

And this is what happened recently. One ate the other. The other is gone. Killed. Seeing as she has such a wonderful publicist however, this tragedy likely won’t see the light of day.

But every dog owner will tell you – they are like our children. We are responsible for our children. We are responsible for making sure they are safe.
Clearly her dogs were not safe. Clearly she was too busy publicising a romance rather than prioritising her pet.


Thursday, September 13, 2007 at 4:28:35 PM

Update (11/25/08):
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3
reveal 4

No seriously…

Mike Myers. Like…do you care? Do you really?

So he’s made a few funny movies but is Mike Myers, on the Hollywood fame scale, is he really a two assistant, can’t hold his own water bottle kind of guy??? Is he really?

Because apparently HE thinks he is. The NY Daily News is reporting that Mike walks around like a king on the set of The Love Guru flanked always by two male assistants (you don’t say???). One minion holds an umbrella and the other is armed at the ready with a water bottle and a straw to be pointed at the direction of Mike’s mouth so he can sip whenever he needs.

Mike is also supposedly not able to focus with the glare coming off of reflective surfaces – is he a f&cking professional actor or what??? – and so crew members are constantly running around the set with black tape making sure nothing is getting into Mr Myers’s eye. Rather douchey, non? And not very funny either.

But then again…are you surprised? You shouldn’t be.

Monday, October 22, 2007


Right now – late afternoon in Toronto – Joshua Jackson is shooting his new movie in East Toronto. Super low key. There’s a craft services table, no trailer, no super star amenities, and between filming a scene where he’s riding an old little bike around, he’s been spotting just hanging out with the crew. Actually talking to them. Befriending them. Not ordering them around. Not barking for grilled cheese sandwiches cut specifically into four pieces lest he storm off in a huff and refuse to work the entire day.

Yes. That is the Unfunny Douche who, like Joshua, is also Canadian but seems to have lost his Canadian humility a long, long time ago.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Primadonna bitch is shooting a movie in Toronto and amazing people with his demands. First he refused to be driven in a limo to the set an hour away and demanded to be helicoptered there instead by his production company. Then his coffee wasn’t made right so a poor intern received the tongue lashing of life. When she started tearing up, he told her to grow a thicker skin. The other day he wouldn’t come out of his trailer because he didn’t get his cappuccino. Word is he sulks for an hour if people don’t fall over themselves quickly or often enough over his sense of humour resulting in much prompting and reminding by assistants to overtly applaud his brilliance. And despite the fact that everyone was initially stoked to work with a local legend, he has, at one time or another, mistreated the entire crew so badly, they are eager to start selling him out.

Wonder how long it’ll take them to figure out he likes boys?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The UnFunny Douche: an update


A hometown disappointment continues to disappoint with his ridiculous behaviour and outrageous demands. Still shooting his new movie close to home, apparently he has to wear some kind of prosthetic or padding that makes him hot and is obsessed with trying to cool down. Five personal AC units were installed in his “personal cooling tents” to keep him from overheating and it still wasn’t enough. Crazier still, the tents have to be pre-cooled to await his arrival which is never pre-determined so he had production completely halted for an entire day very recently just to discuss the tent/AC situation, extracting a promise from the crew to have his itinerary and his immediate whereabouts constantly communicated to the “personal cooling tents” so that they can be at exact chill temperatures when he enters.

Longtime fans are shaking their heads at the bizarre antics that don’t seem to be coming to an end. He’s also supposedly pulled out the old favourite – no looking at him without asking for permission. And around town he’s even worse. Many fans who’ve approached in public places for autographs have not only been rudely rebuffed, they’ve pretty much all been told off. But of course he won’t deign to do it himself. He simply looks away and motions for his minion to tell the admirer that he can’t be bothered to talk.

I’m telling you, of all the tips I’ve ever received about celebrity douches on set, he is by far the worst. Ironically enough, even worse than the Alba Demon.

Thursday, September 27, 2007 at 6:23:17 AM

Friday, October 19, 2007
PPS. Jennifer Lopez’s BFF is not leaking secrets.

Thursday, October 18, 2007
PS. Ken Paves is not leaking secrets.

Monday, October 29, 2007
PPS. Colin Farrell doesn’t need you to put it there, although if he asked, I totally would.

Friday, October 26, 2007
PPPS. Ryan Gosling does NOT have finger obsessions.

Thursday, October 25, 2007
PPPS. George Clooney does not like it there, at least not that I know of…


Warning – this is dirty and crass and, for some, not very appetising. So if you are the prudish type, prone to huffing and puffing your sanctimony through your nose…stop reading now. Otherwise, save your indignant emails. You’ve been cautioned.

He is hot and hirsute and horny, has had a varied career spanning television and big budget Hollywood productions but has preferred of late to stick with indie fare. Currently single and while there may be many reasons why – his romantic requests regarding the finger could have something to do with it.

A while back he was seeing a girl, a waitress, of course, not terribly serious but they were booty calling regularly to her delight until he became rather “obsessed” – a direct quote – with where he wanted her to put her finger.

Turns out he enjoys being stimulated in that dark orifice and eventually, although she takes great pleasure in starf&cking, using her digits so creatively became too much for even her to bear. And so she broke things off…which is why he prefers to pay for it now since he knows his particular predilection skews to the kinky side.

I know it’s not ladylike to talk of such things but my gays say it really is the most stimulating thing ever. Yet another reason why homos are that much more evolved.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 9:59:03 AM

Update (7/18/08):
denials: George Clooney, Ryan Gosling & Colin Farrell
guess 1
guess 2

Tuesday, October 30, 2007
PPS. It’s not Courteney Cox who's backstabbing Jennifer Aniston.


Old gossip now leaking, courtesy of her BFF – in whose chair she sat after her split, receiving therapy and getting pretty at the same time. That’s what friends are for.

Only lately her BFF is getting tired of her attitude problem – friendship is apparently on her terms and the BFF is treated alternately as servant and confidante. So since the BFF can be as catty as they come, secrets are starting seep, shedding light on several mysteries, including weight, children, and heartbreak, all pointing to one cause.

Male hormones???

According to the BFF, she took male hormones as a way to stay thin. As a result, she miscarried at least once, which is what resulted in the big break – she lost love because she was obsessed with being skinny…so says the BFF. The BFF also confirms that she has since stopped, which is why her body is back to lovely.

Still…her reputation, or her looks for that matter, won’t be lovely for long if BFF keeps yapping. In many ways, in one very critical way, she needs her buddy more than her buddy needs her.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 2:07:26 PM

Thursday, November 15, 2007
PPPS. Mute Stones is not Nicole Kidman. Or Charlize Theron. Those two have won Oscars. But while Mute's family and her husband may be decorated, she herself ...not so much.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007
PPS. Demi Moore does not distribute Mute Stones.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007
PS. Julia Roberts does not use Mute Stones (Neither does Sharon Stone)


She is not Julia Roberts. Julia might be doing the arty thing on Broadway these days but I'd say she still owns showbiz the way few actresses can. Besides, Julia is a mega movie star. Unlike Ms Belle who has never been and will never be. Oddly enough, they do have something in common - with one multiple difference.

Kim Basinger? Great guess but off target. Much less marital drama, minus the egomaniacal partner.
Belle is also not Sarah Ferguson, former wife of one of those royals, I can never tell them apart but the fellow who looks much more immunised and robust than the other limp-ish sickly one. Anyway, you're looking for someone on the other side of the pond.

And finally, you can cross out Ashley Judd, although Ashley’s certainly not a stranger to the bossy game, is she? I won't gloat here but I'm tempted. Stay here though…you’re warm.

Thursday, July 6, 2006


Now here's a bitch who needs a slap to Sunday.

Sure, she's rich. But in a town that only celebrates your recent success, what gives her the right to throw her sh*t around? Especially when the glory decade has long since wrapped?

A while back, when she had reason to self celebrate, she came home to inform her hardworking personal chef that she had invited several guests over for dinner. With only just a few hours lead, the employee was required to whip up something elegant and delicious, something she accomplished in spades. Hoping for a word of encouragement or at least an expression of gratitude, the unfortunate minion greeted her boss the next day, asking her how things went, how she was feeling. And this is what she got in return:

'I really wish you wouldn't talk to me', followed by heavy footsteps out of the kitchen.


Cut to present day, and apparently the assy manners are still in tact.

She's scheduled for a promotional product appearance and a driver is sent to pick her up. She gets in the car, he gets her settled, and politely asks her how she's finding everything, if she's comfortable, how she's enjoying the weather. And you know what she said?

'What gives you the idea that I want you to talk to me'. Cue very loud exhale and the silent treatment the rest of the way.

Now I know this shouldn't be shocking considering the clientele we're dealing with but when you're brought up to exude charm and grace, how is this anywhere near acceptable? And you wonder why snarky celebrity gossip blogs are popping up all over the place???

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The bitchery of Courteney Cox continued
Text Harassment


And finally, you can cross out Ashley Judd, although Ashley’s certainly not a stranger to the bossy game, is she? I won't gloat here but I'm tempted. Stay here though…you’re warm.

Thursday, July 6, 2006


Her husband would be shocked to learn how she behaves when he’s not home. Because on the outside, she is “supposedly” erudite, and classy, and goes on about being well mannered and respectful, but when she’s alone, without the eyes and ears of an audience, in the presence of only her household employees, this not so ladylike lady is a slob of the worst kind. But even more than this – she is mean, she is rude, and she treats people badly.

If the staff is making too much noise cleaning and dusting or simply cooking for her highness – she thunders down the stairs and puts her finger between the eyes of the offender, threatening termination of employment and a horrible referral. When she’s going through a “fat” day, it is pure mayhem. The breakfast tray that’s delivered to her in the morning gets smashed to the ground and if there are resulting stains from her tantrum, the blame falls on the help.

As awful as this sounds, it’s actually rather pedestrian when you consider what it’s like to work for the rich and the famous. Up to now, it’s been bearable. And then she crossed the line. She likes to smoke, you see. Especially when she’s on the phone. But she hates smoking outside. And she also can’t stay still. So she came up with the following brilliant request: every time she lit up, a staff person was required to follow her around, catching the ashes as she randomly flicked them about the house. Given that this happens several times a day, the other work was getting neglected. And the poor employee was forced to stay late. With no extra pay. I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise you to learn that the staffer quit after a couple of weeks of this kind of abuse. And rightly so. Why does being cheap and badly behaved always go hand in hand???

Again…one guess. Good luck. And it’s not Victoria Beckham.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

More amusing and abusing


So you already know that she's a legendary slob. And you know about her outrageous housekeeping demands. But it seems our sadistic mistress also has some self image issues. What's new, right? The only problem is, sometimes she can't wait to get to the bathroom before purging her binge. When it's one of those days, the poor staffers can do nothing else but clean up a messy trail all around the house. And dealing with her hysterics doesn't help either. But then again, it is certainly a sight to behold when she pulls it all together in time for the arrival of her husband. Oh, if he only knew…
Good luck. One more guess. Use it wisely.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005
The Assy-ness of Ashley
Mute Stones & Nude Windows


She’s kept a low profile, with few new projects in recent years preferring to focus on marriage and on her head. Clearly not enough focus on the head. Because while she’s cleaned up the slovenly habits of riddles past, she’s still as loopy as ever. And still a colossal bitch. Who likes to parade around stark naked in front of her window with the blinds wide open.

In a rented house on a well populated street shooting an upcoming movie on location, she can apparently be seen regularly walking around in front of the windows at the front of the house breasts flouncing around freely, oblivious to whoever might be outside.

It’s too bad she’s not as chill about her attitude than she is about her body.

Yet another star who stalks the set like a tyrant, yet another star who won’t deign to speak to the regular folk. Seems she considers conversation with her a privilege but the honour is granted sparingly and only through “Mute Stones”.


She carries around what people on set have taken to calling Mute Stones and when she isn’t in the mood to converse with someone, she will silently hand over the Mute Stone – those in possession of a Mute Stone are not permitted to speak to her until she takes it back.

Perhaps it’s a trick she can pass on to The Unfunny Douche who fired a dude recently for simply looking at him.

It’s hard to believe, I get it. You can’t believe people are capable of acting so appallingly. But there are two crews over a hundred strong that can vouch for it, word for word.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Update (2/18/12):
denial 1, 2 & 3: Julia Roberts & Sharon Stone, Demi Moore, Nicole Kidman & Charlize Theron
denial 4: Catherine Zeta-Jones
denial 5: Natasha Richardson
denial 6: Renee Zellweger

denial 7: Charlize Theron (again)
clue 1
clue 2
clue 3
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3

The Assy-ness of Ashley
Abusing the help


Hayden Christensen – not the first time I’ve heard he hates his teen beat pin-up status. Poor Hayden. Being famous and all, with a career supported by female fans willing to throw money at anything he puts out there no matter how shit it is – at times it’s really too much, you know? At times it really sucks to be Hayden Christensen. Please feel sorry for Hayden, ‘k?

At the risk of waking the psychotic monster that is the Hayden fanbase, here’s a sighting sent in by a LaineyGossip.com reader who was crushed the other day when rebuked by Hayden, to the point of tears. Rachel Bilson however is the loveliest, sweetest thing.

Friday, August 31, 2007 at 9:21:28 AM


As for Hayden – well first of all he looks awkward. Second… a bit of a glassy eye situation here, non? If you’ve been checking the site every day, this probably doesn’t surprise you.

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Perfect young couple: beautiful and cute, comparable status, first colleagues now lovers trying to stay out of the spotlight. At first, she was charmed by his charm, thought that she had found someone less brooding than her last boyfriend, someone less complicated, with fewer issues. Problem is, the honeymoon phase is over, and as is often the case when dating al narcissistic whiney bitches, their life has become completely about him – what he wants to do, who he wants to see, and what he wants to use.

It was cocaine last year – an addiction he managed to get under control rather quickly. But plagued by professional setbacks and self doubt, he started using recreationally again a few months ago, escalating now to the point where he has become surly and grumpy, alienating many of his own friends and isolating her from hers. Although she is not doing it with him, she is giving up her other relationships to be with him. Her once close group of girls has been pushed out of her life, she hardly sees them, she hardly calls, and she makes excuses when she’s with him, ignoring pleas from her confidantes to slow things down.

Worse still, it’s beginning to affect her work. She has been loathe to accept offers without checking with him first… and his response? “But I want us to be together, baby”. Apparently his cheese is as bad as his acting.

Friday, August 31, 2007 at 7:34:26 AM

Update (7/11/08):

More about Hayden Christensen
Drugs, drugs everywhere