"Hair issue (#1)" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_very_thin_attends_NY_City_Ballet_spring_gala_30apr10_.aspx

Sarah Jessica Parker attended the New York City Ballet spring opening last night. Love the jacket over the dress. Love. But... she is deathly thin right now, non? Like more so than usual. Perhaps it’s the stress of running after two babies and a preschooler. I’ll say it again though – she’s never slammed for her veins and her emaciated frame. Because the MiniVan Majority loves TBS Sex & the City. So fabulous! Let’s have cosmos followed by “exotic” Indian food!

Sex & the City 2 is coming. Which means the Dress Porn is coming. Which could be the only reason to see it. Interesting article in the LA Times about Carrie’s ridiculous logic defying wardrobe. Click here to read.

Friday, April 30, 2010 at 11:02 AM

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_Costume_Institute_Gala_2010_.aspx

She does a hair flower better than anyone else. I want to do a hair flower one day. But mine is so slippery the flower wouldn’t stay. And I’d keep cocking my head to one said and my neck would crick. Fashion, so often, is about suffering. It really really is.

Sarah Jessica Parker wore Halston because, like, she “designs” for the line now. All that design work, and raising three children, and making silly Sex sequels must be cutting in her sleeping and eating time because goddamn she is bones right now. And she’s already been choosing Body > Face for years.

Am so curious though, if for one year SJP would allow herself to be pick Face > Body, what would that look like?

Tuesday, May 04, 2010 at 11:36 AM

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_arrives_at_Alexander_McQueen_in_London_May_2010.aspx

We can all relate to SJP

Well can't we? This is what they try to sell us on, isn't it? I read an article recently where she said that she eats whenever she wants and whatever she wants because life is too short for deprivation and she couldn't imagine existing without the joy of food. Some sh-t like that.

So here's the relatable, food-enjoying Sarah Jessica Parker, the morning after the UK premiere of Sex & the City 2, arriving at the Alexander McQueen offices today in London in jeans and heels showing off her relatable, food-enjoying legs. We can all relate to her thighs being the same size as her calves because Carrie Bradshaw has great clothes and let's have cosmos and marry off our gays.

Friday, May 28, 2010 at 11:57 AM

Hair issues

"Hair issue (#1)" clue

Hair issues

http://www.laineygossip.com/Hair_issues_Blind_Riddle_12oct10.aspx

Two riddles about hair. Two different subjects.

1. When you don’t eat, when you deprive your body of essential nutrients, it reacts in ways to protect itself. One of the side effects of excessive thinnification is the fuzzy hair growth, a soft downy layer as the body tries to keep itself warm. And oftentimes on the face. Since food is not a regular part of her life, the thinnification hair on her face is naturally dark. They do a marvellous job of hiding it though – by bleaching and strategic photography and of course foundation, although it’s getting harder and harder to hide. And as a result she’s just lost a part because of it. The director loved her, he just didn’t want to go to such great lengths to camouflage her problem.

2. Young star of the moment was getting some action once and things were progressing along nicely until the boy headed down there and discovered that her situation was so umkempt, “like even more than the 70s”, he had to tap out. It was how she learned the importance of grooming. On a personal note though, let’s make this sh-t fair: maintenance goes both ways. It’s not just a female responsibility, male deforestation is a requirement too. Carry on then with your guesses now.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 7:16 AM

Update (10/19/10):

Issue #1

denial 1: Kelly Osborne

denial 2: Leighton Meester
denial 3: Angelina Jolie

denial 4: Evan Rachel Wood
denial 5: Keira Knightley & Carey Mulligan
denial 6 & 7: Catherine Zeta-Jones & Kristen Bell
denial 8: Lea Michele
clue

Issue #2
denial 1: Evan Rachel Wood
denial 2: Keira Knightley & Carey Mulligan
reveal: Lea Michele



General
denial 1 & 2: Megan Fox & Keira Knightley
denial 3: Natalie Portman, Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift, Emma Stone
denial 4: Renee Zellweger
denial 5: Jennifer Hudson, Mila Kunis, Kristen Stewart, Joe Jonas

Hair issues

"Because he ignores her" revealed yet again

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_attends_New_York_ballet_opening_alone_and_confirms_Sex_and_the_City_movie_seque.aspx

Alone at the ballet

Actually no. Valentino was there to keep her company, so at least one gay was by her side… and a orange one at that…just not the one she was hoping for. Seriously, how fashionable is it to look as though you’re being asphyxiated?

This is Sarah Jessica Parker last night at the New York City Ballet opening in a killer short dress but no one to appreciate it.

And an update on the Sex & the City movie sequel: Kim Cattrall revealed it was happening, then SJP claimed that was premature, now she’s explaining that they’re hoping to nail everything down by February, shoot this summer, and go for a 2010 release…so basically what Kim said.

Apparently Michael Patrick King needs to decide on what the story should be. How about no story and just montage after montage of Carrie trying on clothes interspersed with random sightings of the mute Asian baby?

At least the dress porn wouldn’t be boring and contrived.

SJP also confirmed (for now) that Carrie likely won’t have babies. Then again, Carrie seemed uncomfortable talking about sex with her best friends in the last movie. Out of character decisions don’t seem to be a problem.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 at 6:51 AM

"Because he ignores her" revealed yet again

"Because He Ignores Her," revealed 3rd time

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_looks_excited_but_Matthew_Broderick_looks_miserable_as_they_vote_for_Barack_Oba.aspx

His expression, her expression

Shall we play the fun game of Photo Assumption? Drawing conclusions based on nothing but photos...except in this case we know it’s true anyway?

Sara Jessica Parker and her dandy Matthew Broderick, on a rare occasion together, head with their son together to vote for Barack Obama. As you can see, SJP is in great spirits, encouraged by her husband’s willingness to hang out. The neglected are always so grateful for scraps. He on the other hand…

Well…

Photo Assumption says he’d rather be somewhere else.

Posted on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 at 4:19 PM

"Because He Ignores Her," revealed 3rd time

"Because he ignores her" revealed

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_at_Mobile_Art_Chanel_Contemporary_Art_Container_opening_in_New_York.aspx

Hair, Legs, Veins

But I’m all over everything else.

SJP attended the Mobile Art Chanel Contemporary Art Container opening in New York last night without her husband. He already turned up with her somewhere else a couple of days ago – as such, he’s already filled his monthly quota. Which is why she was left alone to enjoy this enormous Chanel purse sculpture by herself. See the chain straps?

I like the big bunch straps on hers too. LOVE the bag. Love the coat. Love the dress. Love the shoes…

But those legs. Those legs are scary skinny. Especially from behind. Not feeling the hair either. Messy and down would have given it some more edge, to say nothing of hiding the gaunt in her face. For her though, it’s always about the body, right?

And how about those veins? They give Angelina Jolie sh-t all the time for her veins, going so far as to raise accusations of heroin use…

Does SJP use heroin?

No.

She has other problems, other poisons.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 8:23 AM

"Because he ignores her" revealed

"Body or Baby?" it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/preintro_22oct08.aspx

PS. SJP chose body over face but not body over baby. It’s not Kelly Ripa either.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"Body or Baby?" it's not...

"Because he ignores her" reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_drops_son_James_Wilkie_off_at_school_and_Matthew_Broderick_attends_Project_ALS_.aspx

SJP this morning taking James Wilkie to school more dressed up than usual for the daily routine. James’s hair is starting to resemble his mother’s. Very cute.

Not so cute are his mother’s scrawny legs. They’ve always been scrawny. Like the rest of her. She says it’s simple genetics. That she’s always been a rail.

Oh really?

Have you seen Honeymoon in Vegas? Go back and watch it if you’re ever curious. Back then she had an ass. She was thin and she was fit, but look at her in the white dress. Those are some curves.

I’ve attached a compilation video. Never mind the music. Just note the body. Like it’s completely foreign to her now. Yeah. It totally must be simple genetics.

Because somehow SJP got tiny.

And she’s also been keeping a very, very low profile these days.

Mr Dandy Matthew Broderick on the other hand, well he showed up at the Project ALS benefit gala at the Waldorf Astoria two nights ago all by himself. Sarah Jessica Parker passed up the opportunity to walk the carpet in a special dress at a charity function? But she loves the carpet!

Maybe they couldn’t find a sitter?

Friday, October 10, 2008 at 8:50 AM

"Because he ignores her" reveal

"Because he ignores her" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/Rumour_has_it_Kristin_Davis_demanded_100K_to_attend_Sex_and_the_City_DVD_launch.aspx

At the Sex & the City DVD launch party last week – three girls showed up, one was missing…

The official reason for Kristin Davis’s absence was that she was working, something about shooting a commercial.

And here’s what’s being offered at the other end of the smutty buffet:

Rumour has it, Kristin bailed because she supposedly demanded a $100K appearance fee from Warner Bros and was rejected. The studio wasn’t cashing up for anyone else and it certainly wasn’t about to cash up for her…

Not to be mean but it’s not like Kristin’s career has been hopping since the series ended. In fact, attending the release probably served her interests better than theirs. Worse still, she thought people would care when she didn’t show and … no one did. So now allegedly she’s all contrite, fearful she may have f&cked up any opportunity to be in the sequel. After all, what’s left for Charlotte anyway?

Now there’s a shake up I can agree with.

As for the launch party itself – word is Warners put in almost $1 million to celebrate the DVD release which was rather poorly attended. Even Variety mentioned that SJP didn’t bother to join the main area of the event, preferring to head straight into VIP and wonder about her husband…

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 7:29 AM

"Because he ignores her" clue

Because he ignores her

http://www.laineygossip.com/Because_he_ignores_her.aspx

Another week, another riddle involving a coke fiend. Everyone does it, but it's not the doing that's intriguing, it's the who's doing that's intriguing. Especially since her reputation is supposed to be so civilised and enlightened: a doting mother, a successful business, an artist (debatable), and an icon to many a MiniVan member. ironic as it may seem considering the original spirit of the inspiration.

The situation is actually even more shocking considering her past. Having had that kind of experience with addiction though, perhaps there are only 2 roads: to shun drugs fiercely or, as it is in this case, to embrace them dangerously in her time of need.

It's not just genes that keep her so thin.

Turns out it's a habit that's making her very sick. Friends and family are becoming concerned. They're saying "she's not doing well", observing that her use has dramatically escalated, that she is becoming increasingly anti-social and withdrawn, removed out of embarrassment from her usual circle, and when forced out in public, looking awkward and seemingly unable to cope in social settings where she was once comfortable.

The reason?

It's not those laughable rumours of infidelity. It's actually because he ignores her. Never the child, but always her. Not deliberately but because she has no part in his life. It used to be he'd show up for the professional events, at the very least. Now she has to beg. And then it's only a maybe. He's not spiteful about it, he just doesn't care. Even on the forced holiday he could barely bother to acknowledge her and when they came home, he couldn't wait to get away.

So she retreats and she escapes and he still doesn't notice. When confronted about it by close confidantes, he insists there's not a problem. And he probably truly believes that, completely oblivious is he to her problems.

As such, her team is desperately trying to get her some new work, something else to focus on instead of moping around at home weighed down by disappointment.

Artistically though, it may be bad news. Forcing a project on the heels of something already forced is probably just going to lead to more sh*t.

Having said that, if it saves her, in the end, I guess that's what friends would do.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 at 8:30 AM

Update (11/26/08):
clue
denial 1: Nicole Ritchie & Victoria Beckham
denial 2: Isla Fisher & Nicole Kidman
denial 3: Christina Aguilera
denial 4: Tea Leoni & Debra Messing
denial 5: Madonna & Kate Beckinsale
denial 6: Jennifer Garner
denial 7: Faith Hill
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3
reveal 4

Because he ignores her

"A Bitch to Work For," it's not...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

PS. Tyra is not a bitch to work for. Neither is Martha Stewart or Vera Wang or SJP.

http://www.laineygossip.com/Gwyneth_Paltrow_Liv_Tyler_Maggie_Gyllenhaal_USA_Today_interview.aspx

"A Bitch to Work For," it's not...

"Why She's So Cranky," it's not...

Monday, April 14, 2008
PS. Sarah Jessica Parker is not cranky. Also not Hilary Swank. No awards for this anorexic.

"Why She's So Cranky," it's not...

"Holiday Detox," it's not...

PS. Sarah Jessica Parker is NOT on Holiday Detox. Also NOT Angelina Jolie.
Monday, December 17, 2007

"Holiday Detox," it's not...

"Gaydar interrupted" and "Clinging to love," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Matthew__Fox_Matt__Damon_Mos_Def_From_Theodora_K_SJP_and_Matthew_cling_to_love.aspx

i have a guess to clinging to love. is it horse face and matthew broderick?? also gaydar guess. i emailed about a week ago guessing colin farrel. now i'm guessing wilmer valderama. am i close?? when are you going to let us know?? i spend too much time thinking about these things during the day.

Dear Theodora,

Definitely not Dandy Pants and the big ass witch boil he calls his wife. Mr. Insensitive has certainly been pretty but going in to Matthew's territory is another matter entirely. As for Colin and Wilmer. No and no. Colin is much too Miami these days to qualify and Wilmer, while b-list at best, has oddly enough never to my knowledge been the subject of any gay rumours.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Gaydar interrupted

Clinging to love

"Gaydar interrupted" and "Clinging to love," it's not...

"Abuses the help" and "Gaydar interrupted," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Keri_Russell_From_Liz_R_two_guesses.aspx

I am guessing SJP as the dirty girl who ashes around the house and drives the help to reach for the booze. Oui ou Non? As for one half of the gaydar duo my guess is Russell Crowe. He is one dude who flies off the handle at anything and I think its because he can't figure out what to do about how much he luvs the back end…

Dear Liz,

Still chuckling about the back end. Love it! Unfortunately you're way off on both counts. Much as I can't stand her baby voice and boil, SJP likens herself a real lady. Please and thank you and Sir and Ma'am all the way. The abuser however has surprisingly less etiquette than you'd think, especially for someone groomed in that fashion. As for Russell. No, no, no. If someone with a penis hit on Russell, he wouldn't just tell a publicist about it, he's beat the bitch down with a cell phone! Think of someone less inclined for violence, more peace loving, in every sense of the word.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

"Abuses the help" and "Gaydar interrupted," it's not...

"Cheap & Crafty," it's not...

Thursday, November 22, 2007
PS. Salma Hayek is not Cheap & Crafty. Besides, she’s not married yet, is she? Also not Sarah Jessica Parker who IS cheap and crafty and golden in a way but not with the biggest prize. And that pointless new Sex & the City movie isn’t getting her there either.

"Cheap & Crafty," it's not...

"The Belle from Hell," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Last_Word_for_Friday_July_07_2006.aspx

Friday, July 7, 2006
Belle from Hell is not SJP. Belle's partner ain't so dandy. Also not Meg Ryan. Like this bitch would ever pollute her family by adopting one of my people…ha! And not Zeta either. Remember, I said she was from this side of the pond, and I’m in North America. Besides, CZJ is a STAR. She's won an Oscar. Belle hasn't won ANYTHING - not even a People's Choice Award!!!

"The Belle from Hell," it's not...

"Cheap & Crafty" guess

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sarah_Jessica_Parker_The_SJP_Award_for_Most_Desperate_Kate_Beckinsale.aspx

Once upon a time, Sarah Jessica used to arrive at these awards shows screaming – please, please look at me. Please, please pick me! Pick me for best dressed. Pick me please!! These days however, the dubious honour has passed to Kate Beckinsale who wanted to be noticed so badly I could smell it from my television set thousands of miles away.

Don’t me wrong. It’s a lovely dress. But she just tried so hard. Every step, every pose, every turn of the head, every angle – it was so laboured and so painfully self conscious that I just wanted tot pat her on her botoxed head and give her a gold star for her efforts. Pity, y’all. It’s a powerful emotion.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Cheap & Crafty

"Cheap & Crafty" guess