Every gossip from here to Oslo (what's up Norway!!!) was buzzing yesterday about Ted Casablanca's brand new blind…a girl he called Jordy Junky. Details below…
If I were you, I wouldn't invite Jordache Junky to your son's bar mitzvah. She might lure him into a stairwell and do him. Now, don't get me wrong, girlfriends. Most boys would be thrilled to get into J2's prissy undies. I mean, she's been in, like, a million movies, many of which young boys just worship. That's why I can't believe what she pulled at a Hollywood bash last week. Gulp. There's no delicate way to put it, so here goes: J.J. banged a cater-waiter. And she didn't take him home in a doggie bag. Nope, J.J. jumped this dude's bones in the damn stairwell. If you think it sounds sexy in an Unfaithful kinda way, hold yer Trojans. She was wasted. And while most of the gals her age dig cocaine, J2's more of a, well, horse girl. Yep, she was smacked out. Poof. Oh, Jordache. I'm sorry 'bout all yer on-and-off relationship woes. I'm also sad for yer latest flicks--which fail on a lotta freakin' levels. But really, honey. A catering dude in a stairwell at an Industry party?! The above shoulda been the stuff on which porn movies are based--not some sad little episode that had the guy's colleagues nodding their heads in pitiful tsk-tsks. I hear nobody even broke a damn sweat! What kind of friggin' sex act is that--something George and Laura do? Now, I know you're not friends with Paris Hilton. But maybe you should be?
Now many of you have emailed me, convinced that it's Brittany Murphy, primarily because she models for Jordache jeans…a very good assumption. Me? I think that's too easy. Besides, Brittany is not embroiled in any 'on-and-off relationship woes. ' At least not publicly. My guess is Kirsten Dunst. We all know about the Jake situation. And these recent photos of her, trashed beyond belief, leaving a recent Elizabethtown event, would seem to corroborate my choice. So…what say all of you???
Thursday, October 27, 2005