"A new low" clue


Every gossip from here to Oslo (what's up Norway!!!) was buzzing yesterday about Ted Casablanca's brand new blind…a girl he called Jordy Junky. Details below…

If I were you, I wouldn't invite Jordache Junky to your son's bar mitzvah. She might lure him into a stairwell and do him. Now, don't get me wrong, girlfriends. Most boys would be thrilled to get into J2's prissy undies. I mean, she's been in, like, a million movies, many of which young boys just worship. That's why I can't believe what she pulled at a Hollywood bash last week. Gulp. There's no delicate way to put it, so here goes: J.J. banged a cater-waiter. And she didn't take him home in a doggie bag. Nope, J.J. jumped this dude's bones in the damn stairwell. If you think it sounds sexy in an Unfaithful kinda way, hold yer Trojans. She was wasted. And while most of the gals her age dig cocaine, J2's more of a, well, horse girl. Yep, she was smacked out. Poof. Oh, Jordache. I'm sorry 'bout all yer on-and-off relationship woes. I'm also sad for yer latest flicks--which fail on a lotta freakin' levels. But really, honey. A catering dude in a stairwell at an Industry party?! The above shoulda been the stuff on which porn movies are based--not some sad little episode that had the guy's colleagues nodding their heads in pitiful tsk-tsks. I hear nobody even broke a damn sweat! What kind of friggin' sex act is that--something George and Laura do? Now, I know you're not friends with Paris Hilton. But maybe you should be?

Now many of you have emailed me, convinced that it's Brittany Murphy, primarily because she models for Jordache jeans…a very good assumption. Me? I think that's too easy. Besides, Brittany is not embroiled in any 'on-and-off relationship woes. ' At least not publicly. My guess is Kirsten Dunst. We all know about the Jake situation. And these recent photos of her, trashed beyond belief, leaving a recent Elizabethtown event, would seem to corroborate my choice. So…what say all of you???

Thursday, October 27, 2005


Rumour has it, Kiki was so loopy at Sundance her friends had to apologise that she’s “not in a good place right now.” Thing is, other than a marathon makeout session with Josh Hartnett, word out of Park City that week was that she was pretty low key and super professional, there to promote a short film she directed. In fact, the festival overall this year was pretty tame…

Having said that, my Kiki has in the past allegedly indulged in some very alarming habits, resulting in some alarmingly brazen behaviour. Especially when it comes to boys. Is Kiki the next? The next in line for a mug shot… or even worse?

Her saving grace just might be her friends. Here’s Kiki a couple of weeks ago lunching with real girlfriends. Kiki, unlike so many of the others, actually has real friends. Real girlfriends. Quite a novelty.

Do you hear a bell?

Friday, February 01, 2008 at 6:06:49 AM
PPS. Just As She Is: not Alan Rickman, not Antonio Banderas, not Johnny Depp, not Keith Urban who isn’t even in the same neighbourhood as squeaky clean, though the thought of a Sapphic Granny Freeze kinda makes my life. Finally, it’s not Will Smith. Entirely possible, of course, but not the purse you’re looking for.

Friday, February 01, 2008


I hear from at least 10 of you on a daily basis lobbying for Eric Bana's entry on the Freebie 5. Granted, I have not seen Munich. But I HAVE seen Troy. And he certainly is a molten hunk of loin quivering hotness…WHEN HE's in CHARACTER. From a purely physical perspective, I'm not feeling the head to mouth ratio. Take a look. Look at the size and the shape of his head in relation to those lips. It's weird, non? The more I study it, the more he looks like that Kool Aid jug that comes crashing out of the wall. It's not exactly nightmare-inducing but I don't know if I'd cheat on my husband for a sip of it, you know what I mean?

Oh, and if you're looking for gossip on this guy - there is none. Squeaky clean and devoted to his family. Almost suspiciously so.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Just As She Is

Not Lindsay.

Thursday, March 22, 2007


"Being cheap is unforgiveable," it's not...

Being cheap is ALWAYS unforgiveable


It’s not Keanu Reeves. Or any member of the Frat Pack. One more guess and then he goes to bed for good. We have new items to consider…

Monday, October 10, 2005


i usually enjoy my men with a bit of presumed intelligence (like i could imagine jakey and i talking about post-modernism and meta-fiction until the wee hours of the night). I always counted out paul walker from my list as being too cali, too surfer boy... but man... recent pics of him are smokin and heck the recent Toro article (a nice Canadian publication, no less) portrayed him in a rather positive light. Can I suggest him for the Freebie Five?

Dear Jonathan,

From a purely physical perspective - absolutely, 100%, no doubt about. Paul Walker is total loin quiveration. And in the face of all those naysayers who are dumping on 8 Below - screw you! Dogs who survive insurmountable odds?? A perfect movie script!!! What's not to love??? However, what kills it for me about Paul Walker is the personality. Watch him on a talk show and it's all over. He IS the surfer dude. He really DOES fix up cars and worry about his board. And I've heard he's not exactly the most gentlemanly of men on a date either. But if your Freebie 5 is all about glistening abs and the most piercing of blue eyes - I say giv'er. Paul is a hotness personified. And if I knew I'd be running into him on a Saturday night, you bet your boob job my legs would be shaved and my 'slam dunk' perfume would be strategically spritzed between my breasts for maximum olfactory stimulation. Fuh shuh.

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Again, not my type (the mouth, remember?)…but I do know he’s yours. So you will love these new photos from GQ and also this quote:

People say: how come you haven’t moved to Hollywood? What I hear is: if it were me I’d be over there making blockbusters, screwing starlets and counting the zeros.

Now he’s an actor in demand, who has landed and continues to land some very high profile, very heavily contended roles…and he doesn’t live in Hollywood. Which means you can be successful without being in the cesspool and so on the flipside – if you don’t want to be photographed, why stay in LA?
Just asking…

And on the subject of The Time Traveler’s Wife…as already mentioned, am not feeling Eric as Henry, though I’m sure he’ll be adequate.

Christian Bale though…wouldn’t Christian Bale have been perfect?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Just As She Is
PS. James McAvoy is not married to a lesbian. Neither is Matt Damon who is deeply in love with his devoted wife. Same goes for Christian Bale. Also not Ewan McGregor, but he swings a good bargain in other ways.

I’m about to gloat, just a little. If you can’t handle it, skip to the next. Gloating isn’t terribly gracious, but then again, neither is gossiping. And in this business, I gotta give my sources their due when they come through.

On Sunday night, following the BAFTAs, I reported exclusively on the bedroom eye action going on between Renee Z and George Clooney at the event. This morning, two days later, UK tabloids are blaring headlines that the two were caught canoodling at a hotel bar later on that evening. They also printed a rather suspect quote from Clooney about being ready to settle down. I’ll take that one with a grain of salt. I definitely, however, buy the rekindled closeness that seems to have bloomed between the two former maybe daters. And while I certainly have issues with Renee’s bronzer and her lemon suckage and also her alarming relationship with food, I have to tell you, I definitely approve of this couple for the following reasons:

1. Renee is not a flooze. Renee is also not Teri Hatcher – thank Goddess. And even though George’s romantic past has been littered with soft core porn bikini babes, I think we can all agree that a man of his stature needs a woman with an equally respectable resume. Renee is a celebrated actress, she is not stupid, she is not a bimbo, she knows how to read, and she can certainly keep him interested conversationally. In other words, George’s brain will remain as sharp as his penis. This is very important.

2. George does not want children. Therefore, it’s important for him to hook up with someone who either shares this preference or who is too old or too damaged to want them as well. Now Renee’s not exactly creaking around, but the girl is five years past fresh. And considering all the extreme dieting she’s subjected her body to, in addition to other industry indulgences that have not likely done her any favours, I’m guessing Renee’s window of fertility isn’t exactly wide open. But bagging a diamond geezer like George wouldn’t exactly be a sh*tty consolation prize.

And finally…perhaps the most compelling reason of all…

3. Renee needs a kind, good man for a change. In spite of it all, I do like Renee. Renee is what Jennifer Aniston should be and isn’t. Except Renee has talent. A regular down home girl, ordinary looking and she knows it, grateful for her opportunities, never reaching for an elusive Olympus that will never be hers. Which is why I feel sad for Renee. The single girl so unlucky in love, a nice girl who just picks the wrong dudes. Hooking up with a narcissist like Jim Carrey could not have been great on her ego. And we certainly don’t have to rehash what Kenny Chesney put her through. So after all the heartache, after all the pain, wouldn’t it be nice if Renee could finally find solace in the arms of real man like George? Come on gossips. Open your smutty hearts and grant her a new kind of happiness, happiness of the healthy sort.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Is anything for attention Kirsten Dunst?

Dear Kersti,

Kiki doesn't chase attention. At least not as much as she chases other things. No, Kiki's not your girl. Kiki is vain in a more fringe/off kilter corner whereas Ms. Nipply's vanity runs a mainstream wave. And while we're at it, Kiki is actually a bonafide movie star while the other one…not so much.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Pray Goddess…please let this be true. Several gossip sources, including US Weekly, are reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kirsten Dunst were seen getting very close at a club last weekend and you know what this means, don't you??? It means that our Jakey might finally be freed from her skank ass grip! Seriously though, if you think about it, Leo and Kiki? They make total sense to me. The same layer of weird pasty slime, the same holier than thou attitude that only comes with the most disconnected child stars, the same sh*tty attitude about fame, even though they happen to live in the most high profile town in the world and date the most high profile people in the world. Can you think of a more perfect couple??? Leo & KD fuh-evah!

Friday, November 18, 2005


All previous blind items are closed, but as you read last week, pay attention. At one point or another, I always spill it somewhere else.

As you know from previous teaser subjects, sleeping with a member of the crew isn’t exactly a rare occurrence. Begging for it like our skank bitch did last week is probably unique. But trust me when I tell you, mingling with the commoners is actually par for the dance floor. Which is what this superstar did a couple of years ago on the set of one of her biggest vehicles. He was her booty call, her go to guy. And he was smitten, totally thought it would last past filming, until he found out afterwards that she was doin’ 2 other dudes simultaneously. Damn. That’s quite an appetite.

However, one should never forget their down home manners, which is why she compensates for her promiscuity by lavishing this ex boytoy with $1,000 worth of clothing every Christmas, as a thank you for past services rendered. And now that she’s free to roam, perhaps she’ll renew their previous dalliance. I’ll keep you posted.

One guess for this one, but there won’t be a follow up clue. And there are A LOT of hints in this one. So use them wisely.

Sunday, November 20, 2005


"Just As She Is," it's not...

PS. Hugh Jackman is not married to the lesbian in question in question. And not Patrick Dempsey’s either. But maybe she should be. It might fix that permascowl.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Sweet Holy Goddess! How do you separate what’s real from what’s not real? Is this what holds them together? A mutual fondness for non-stop Botox? An unstoppable compulsion to mutilate their faces? And to think Jennifer Flavin used to be a very, very attractive woman. Long before she decided to destroy her natural good looks, there was a beautiful model underneath. A beautiful model who married an egomaniac who keeps trying all kinds of freaky sh*t because he refuses to admit he’s old. Now don’t you think he and Melanie Griffith would have made the perfect couple???

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Most Desperate for Attention: Ricky Martin

Who??? Exactly…

Monday, August 29, 2005


Oh my. How very Catherine Z-J of her, right down to the ultra couture gown and the geriatric, Viagra-assisted boyfriend. Hmmm…I wonder if their narcissistic sexual practices are similar as well! Nice to see Calista finally acting again, and looking rather healthy to boot. Motherhood must be quite fulfilling because you know that grumpy drunk she's hooked up with certainly isn't making her life easier. Come to think of it, what exactly does she see in him? 25 years ago I would have understood. But surely the Hans Solo effect has to have worn off by now…non?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Worst Couture: Jennifer Connolly

Can you believe it? Selma Blair showed up last night and she actually WASN'T the thinnest girl in the room. No, I'm afraid that illustrious honour goes to Allegra something-or-other (see below). In 2nd place... Jennifer Connolly, who complemented her starving frame with an inexplicably horrible Balenciaga short dress that only Anna Nicole Smith would be proud of. You know, I want to give her high marks for taking a chance...because, believe it or not, I prefer this over a boring old plain black dress a la Aniston, event after event. And if Ms. Connolly had only done something with those lame locks and the pale face, throw them up in dramatic fashion, brighten up the eyes, it would have certainly improved the look. As it is, she looks tired and cheap...like a bridesmaid the morning after, know what I mean? Very disappointing. Very disappointing indeed.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Cheap and Crafty

"Just As She Is" guess


Christian Bale. One of the most sought after actors, matinee idol good looks, chooses not to take his career down a certain path, not a famewhore, devoted to his wife, doesn’t sell out, for all those who keep making excuses for celebrities, blaming the paparazzi for lack of privacy – it is possible, you see, not to be one of them. Christian Bale is a great example.

As such, there really is no “game”, no contrivance, no carefully crafted, PR-approved message. Case in point, here’s what he said at the 3:10 to Yuma premiere the other night when asked about working with Russell Crowe:

"Everyone said, 'Man, you're going to have a tough time.' And I thought, 'Bring it on! Come on, buddy, give me the best you got!' "I tell ya, he was the easiest damn guy I've ever worked with. He was so simple. We got along so well, and he just appreciates people who know what they're doing - that's it. He's a good guy."

Most publicists would have cringed. Because while intending to be complimentary of his co-star, Christian is essentially openly acknowledging how many people hate Russell and are sending warnings against him. So while Russell might be flattered, he’s probably also like… who’s talkin’ shit behind my back?

It’s the small things that make him perfect. Christian Bale is perfect. And quit appealing for him on the Freebie Five. Would one night be enough? And wouldn't you want to talk? And walk? And more? Christian Bale, like Johnny Depp, is a Lifetimer. He doesn't belong on the Freebie Five.

Friday, August 24, 2007 at 12:00:00 AM

Just As She Is

Sorry…can’t stop griping. Christian Bale should totally play Henry in The Time Traveller’s Wife. Eric Bana, whatever.

But here he is last night at the premiere of 3:10 to Yuka with his wife Sidi. And as picture perfect as they look here, they are even more so in person. Not for the cameras but behind them. Ran into them last year at TIFF, he was promoting Rescue Dawn. Plain as day – he adores her. Totally totally adores her. They want privacy and shockingly enough, they actually live privately. Can you imagine? So private that the name of their child is still not widely, if at all, known. Crazy, non?

As you know, Christian has been working on The Dark Knight with Heath Ledger. Wonder if his example has rubbed off positively on his co-star who, in terms of clean living and commitment, is apparently the exact opposite? Doubtful.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 at 10:10:00 AM

Just As She Is

And before you go there, it’s not Colin Firth.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 at 7:00:14 AM


I will always love that part in Bridget Jones’s Diary – when Mark Darcy tells her at the bottom of the stairs that she’s a mess but still he likes her “very much… just as you are.” And that little song is playing in the background, cut to Jude and Shazzer contemplating the profundity of his words…


Some men are perfect.

And many find this man perfect. Dashing, debonair, scandal-free, which is why some of late have been questioning his devotion to his wife, baffled by the attraction. Still… he remains happily married and committed, he loves her just as she is, but it turns out, what she is is a girl who likes other girls. With his permission.

A classic marriage of convenience... their commitment runs deep, they care for each other dearly, but they just don’t sleep in the same bed. As for his preferences – oddly enough, he doesn’t seem to have any. The easy assumption would be that he’s meanders about like John Travolta at a massage parlour, which isn’t the case. Not even close. No affairs, no gay hook ups, nothing. Just happy that his wife is happy… true love indeed.

And before you go there, it’s not Colin Firth.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 at 7:00:14 AM

Update (1/20/09):
Denial 1: Colin Firth
Denial 2: Hugh Jackman & Patrick Dempsey

Denial 3: James McAvoy, Matt Damon, Christian Bale & Ewan McGregor
Denial 4: Alan Rickman, Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Keith Urban & Will Smith
Denial 5: Eric Bana, Tom Selleck, Ashton Kutcher, Eric Dane & Matthew Broderick
Denial 6: Kevin Bacon, Harrison Ford & Ben Affleck
Denial 7: Eric Bana
reveal 1
reveal 2