PS. Katie Holmes is not a stingy bitch. Quite the opposite, in fact. One of the reasons the GMD has hidden his secrets so successfully, you see, is because unlike so many of his peers, he knows when to pay, and when to pay well. KatE therefore has learned the art of compensation. Unlike C&C who shamelessly stocks up on freebies like it’s an entitlement that comes with the award.
PPPPS. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rarely keep swag, if ever. They do however thoughtfully donate the items to local charities. Therefore Angelina is of course not Cheap & Crafty. Wrong year.
Free as a bird, fresh like a daisy, dating up a storm, but apparently not clean as a whistle having abstained for nearly two decades. Shame.
Currently dating a lucky young man, she can regularly be seen shoving her tongue down his throat in various public establishments. Curiously enough, she was also seen not too long ago shoving her tongue down the throat of another dude… a MUCH older one – perhaps even 20 years – draped around him at a party and there’s nothing wrong with that, more power to her for playing the field, except that she was at the same time asking for drugs repeatedly…alarming not only for the obvious but also because she had a dangerous relationship with them in the past and just because she’s an adult now doesn’t mean she’ll fare any better than she did before.
Can a former emancipated addict use recreationally without serious consequence? For her sake, I hope so.
Monday, November 26, 2007 at 12:19:15 PM
Again, if you are a fan of JD Fortune, you need to skip this article and move on. Reading it will only make you angry. And being angry is not good for your skin. And when you’re as shallow as I am, having great skin is very, very important.
The following reports come from several VERY reliable sources in Canada and in Sydney Australia, where JD is working with INXS. If you saw my hit on eTalk Daily tonight, you would have gotten a hint of what JD’s been up to since winning the Rock Star contest. Click here if you’re interested. http://www.ctv.ca/entertainment
Multiple sources in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, JD’s hometown have told me about his recent trip back home and according to my spies, “he slept with probably every willing girl in Pictou County.” When asked by friends what he’s been spending time on, he replied “Lots of sex and lots of drugs.” My source also reports that he was particularly interested in propositioning girls for 3ways and was turned down at least once by unwilling participants. However, contrary to what I wrote in my Daily Ugly, these dedicated hometown supporters also insisted that “the man is gorgeous. Those pictures you have are very deceiving. In real life, he is probably one of the best looking men I have ever seen. He is also a fantastic performer- much better than he ever was on the show.”
Amazing what comes out of the smutwork when you get famous, non? Sources close to JD back in his Elvis impersonator days informed me last week about some of his physical attributes. And of course when this got out on my site, I heard from an insider in Sydney who knew immediately what I was referring to. This is what went on Down Under last weekend as I hear it. Now you can call it bullsh*t if you want. I’m just reporting what’s been told to me by, as I said before, a very well placed insider. According to my Aussie source, a young girl caught his eye on Thursday night. And by young, I don’t mean R Kelly young… so relax. It’s legal. At least that part is. He got her number and invited her up to his room. She didn’t leave until 9:30 am Sunday morning. She claims that there was more “happy” in his room than she’s seen in her whole life and about an ounce of other more relaxing items. He was also endearingly in need of someone to talk to, and the more happy he got, the more he rambled about “how much he hated Marty and how Marty looked him in the eyes and lied. He would keep repeating himself and it was a little unnerving at times”. He also wanted to make it clear how hard he had worked to get to where he is now, especially since he’s been through quite a few challenges. “This was clear to me with the way he kept talking about money and how much everything cost him.”
A classic case of be careful what you wish for? Oddly enough, the fickle bitch that I am, I actually like him a lot all of a sudden. Perfection is so overrated, don’t you think? And to all you Fortune fans out there – before you go all apesh*t and bag on me for passing on the info, stop and think about 9 out of every 10 rock bands out there. This might be hearsay, but is it really that out of the ordinary???
OK, y’all. Spew away. I’m ready.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
He might be on the cusp of superstardom but unfortunately, his private parts don't seem to match the hype. According to a former pre-fame lover, our man is teeny weeny. Not that that's terribly important...right????
One guess…good luck.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Physical shortcomings? Who cares? The man has no shortage of poon waiting for him in every small town or big city. Doesn't look like he restricts his yearnings to females either. For some reason, on a recent visit back to the motherland, he was seen trying to kiss more men than women. Wonder what that means…
And if you're really that curious - I'm actually outing this fellow in Thursday night's column…so check back.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005Update (7/18/08):
She's a huge star in her field. One of the biggest. Low key, undramatic lifestyle, no frequent appearances in the rags, pretty scandal free. Unless you count her hideous fashion crimes, of course. Beyond that, however, there's really not much to criticise. Which is what makes what I'm about to tell you that much more surprising. How do you think her wholesome fans would feel if they found out that the lady sends her staff people out to make her Hash runs??? I hear she's been dabbling for a while and they're starting to say it's become a lot more than just recreational use. Not exactly alarming compared to some of the other crap being snorted in the industry…but still. Given that she keeps preaching about clean living and staying healthy, it's yet another example of celebrity hypocrisy.
One guess. Good luck.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
She's seen her fair share of trouble over the last year. I'm told however that things are on the up and up. Good for her. But as well as she's recovered, it certainly doesn't mean she's any less eccentric. And while her unique style doesn't work for me…it certainly adds some flavah to her image. And in Hollywood…it's all about what you look like on the outside.
Thing is, she also seems hellbent on matching what's hidden with what's not. The hair changes colour frequently. Which is fine. But can you believe that every time the hair goes a different colour, the pubes have to as well?? This is what's expected of her colour stylist. Not only a session with the head, but also with the P. As you can imagine, it's not a particularly pleasant job. Which is why the complaining has reached all the way here…
Oh and one more thing…how adorable. She has matching hair everywhere and yet she still sucks her thumb, as witnessed by fellow passengers on a recent flight. Typical little girl lost, non?
One guess. Good luck.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Like many of you out there, I find Ewan McGregor’s unique brand of naughty freak oddly attractive. Androgynous at times, hunkalicious at others, super talented, lots of attitude, brash, brazen, doesn’t mind showing off his member – what’s not to love? Here’s Ewan with his rarely seen wife at the UK premiere of The Island this weekend. They’ve been married for years, they have children, and yet they also have pretty unconventional ways of keeping it fresh. I’m hearing rumours that the McGregors like to swing. I’m hearing rumours the McGregors don’t mind swinging with hetero AND gay couples. And I’m hearing rumours that this is the secret to their success. After all, Ewan is a free spirit and any woman who can handle this rather unorthodox arrangement is a keeper for sure.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
and no. it's not Matthew Fox or the other dude who played Bailey
Don't bother with Colin Farrell or Owen Wilson or Bobby Brown or P Diddy or Jay Z.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
eliminate the following:
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your guess about this item. I can't - and this one is an exception. But I'll narrow it down further right here before shutting him down for good. It's not the following:
LL Cool J
Now…let's move on. I'm treating you to 2 brand new riddles!
Many of you love him. Indeed, there was a time when I did too. And I think my best friend Erin probably covets him as well but, being a great mother and wife, her infatuations are really quite harmless compared to the sadistic fantastical exploits running through my mind. Don't let her tell you different.
There is certainly a hint of dark sexual deviation about him. And his unabashed lack of inhibition would suggest a tendency to experiment with all kindsa crazy that would make most of us blush. One day not too long ago, he came home from work. Dinner was ready. His partner came to greet him and was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't alone. Two luscious females and a strapping young dude were standing at the door. A party of 5, if you will. (and no. it's not Matthew Fox or the other dude who played Bailey). Extra take out was quickly ordered. They all sat round the table to feast and before you know it, the wine took effect and the clothes started coming off and the food was passed around, only it was being passed around from mouth to mouth, and then from breast to mouth, and before long, we had a full on orgy on our hands. How do I know??? Well, the housekeeper found them in varying states of excess and undress the following morning.
Now…because of the salacious nature of this one, and due to the fact that I've got a crazy work week coming up, I'm sorry I can't answer all of your guesses directly. So I'm going to pull a Ted Casablanca and tell you who it isn't and hope that you can take it from there. And yes, there will be another clue coming later this week.
Don't bother with Colin Farrell or Owen Wilson or Bobby Brown or P Diddy or Jay Z.
For those who missed last column, you'll need this for part 1.
Back to the orgiastic actor and his equally experimental partner. A couple of months after the aforementioned dinner party, he found himself in the company of a just divorced colleague who was looking to spice up her own life. Naturally, the legend invited her back to his place and as you would expect, when they arrived home, dinner was ready, the table was set, and his beautiful other half was ready to play. For some reason though, the girls ended up concentrating on each other only, leaving him to his own devices…and the digital recorder. Everything was captured on tape and, like the dog he is, he shared it with the buddies one night after a long evening of drinking.
Like I said before, I can't take guesses on this one. So you'll have to figure it out for yourself. But first, eliminate the following:
I will try my best but please don't be upset if there's no new column on Sunday night as I plan to spend my birthday weekend with copious amounts of alcohol and carbohydrates. Poker will likely have an important role as well. To hold you over, chew on this for a few days. WARNING: graphic, lewd details to follow. If you're prudish in the least - you better skip this one. Consider yourself cautioned.
He is a classic bad boy. Not the best looker in town but there's something about him, you know? His acting talent is well known but it turns out there are other reasons why he is always surrounded by lovely ladies. Apparently his tongue has a never ending battery that's programmed to pleasure all night long and his special request is to have 2 or 3 targets at a time. We are talking hours and hours and hours gossips. And now you know the secret to his success.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Ph.D. in C: Part Deux
PRUDES – Step off. I’m warning you. It’s more of the same lewdness…
So you know already that he loves to do his work downtown. Naturally, he expects his office to be well kept, low on clutter, and certainly free of irritating allergens. On one occasion, he discovered that one of his partners wasn’t as well weeded as he would have liked. So, being the patient gentleman that he is, he offered to help her out. They went in to the shower and he actually did the trimming himself and, of course, he got off on that too.
Here are your last two hints: elevator and Oscar.
Email me when you’ve got it. One guess. Good luck!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I cannot answer your guesses to this blind item. It's one of those where I will get the Chinese sued out of me if I do. All I can do is point you along. And if you want to know that badly, you'll play the Hasselhoff game, won't you?
Remember the dude who excelled with his tongue? Well, it looks like he has a female counterpart.
Some couples are pretty conventional. Others? Not so much. It helps when both are open minded and accepting of suggestions, don't you think? So when she was with her equally famous ex, he complained one night of her deficiency in the blowing department and to help her with it, he signed her up for private lessons with an F master. And the results were, um, mindblowing. But now that they're no longer together, she's taking her skills elsewhere…and the recipient of her oral gifts cannot believe his luck. So much so that when her new lover and her old one ran into each other at an event recently, Mr. Current actually THANKED Mr. Ex for the hook up. Yet another reason why the stupid idiot should be kicking himself for being so shortsighted…
Thursday, December 08, 2005Ph.D in F continued...
Remember, I can't take guesses for this one…for a refresher, click here: Not only is she is a master at it, she's also a fiend. A few months ago, at a business lunch with a couple of her boyfriend's business associates, she apparently couldn't help herself, leaned over and whispered the following in her lover's ear (and this is NOT FOR THE PRUDISH): Baby, I am gonna suck it so hard when we get in the car.
Needless to say, their lunch dates were shocked...and just a little jealous.
Sunday, December 11, 2005Update (7/18/08):
Denials: Jennifer Lopez, Rebecca Romijn, Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Aniston, Mischa Barton, Sharon Stone & Elizabeth Hurley