"Watching how he copes," it's not...


How He Copes is not Justin Bieber.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

PPS. Hands Free is not Jennifer Garner.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"Watching how he copes" clue


Robert riots!

She’s trying to f-cking TACKLE HIM!!!

You have to wonder then…

How does Robert Pattinson really feel about Twilight fans? Because…


Check out what just happened in New York.

They threw themselves on him. Like grabbed him around the neck!


If you’re her, and you see him, what purpose would this serve?

Did she think he would say – oh thank you for trying to strangle me. Let’s make love now?

Poor guy. Bloody lunatics.

Monday, June 15, 2009 at 12:41 PM


While Robert Pattinson narrowly avoided getting strangled by Twi-hards yesterday in New York, and probably spent the rest of the night wanting to strangle himself (the Twilight albatross gets heavier and heavier…at this point it’s more like a noose), Kristen Stewart was in LA working on her Joan Jett biopic and hanging out with Joan Jett herself.


Getting screamed at by crazy ADULT fans, or having Joan Jett personally coach you…

Who had the better day?

By the way, there’s video of yesterday’s mauling. Even funnier, and more disturbing, than the photos. I particularly enjoy the part when you can hear some lunatic say:

We love you so much!

Then there’s the “Please! Please!” and you can hear some sobbing too.

Of course there’s the moment when he’s grabbed around the neck by the one in green but you’ll note that the attempt is followed up by a second lunatic in blue who tries to do the same but gets thwarted.

Fontrum. So. Much. Fontrum.

Twi-hards = endless entertainment

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 7:23 AM


Running for his life

This proves it. Twi-hards are officially the craziest of the lot.

Radar is reporting that Robert Pattinson was in New York shooting today. A swarm of Twi-hards tried to attack him as he was leaving the Strand after filming a scene. (Amazing bookstore, but never ever go if you are short on time. You’ll need at least 2 hours. And then you’ll have to go back the next day.

So anyway, Pattinson was exiting the shoppe and they swarmed him, and his security had to fend off the lunatics, and he ran into the street and was nicked by a cab.

They’re trying to kill him.

See? It’s a noose. Twilight is a noose.

Here's what I don't understand. So you're a Twi-hard. You see him. And he flees. He escapes. He wants no part of you.

And you keep chasing?????????

It's as bad as begging to blow a dude even if he keeps pushing your head away.

PS. In fairness to Laura though, at the very least, Laura can restrain herself. Laura can spend 2 hours on a terrace and not make a fool of herself.

Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 12:39 PM


Robert Pattinson’s prison

These Twi-Hards…they’ve turned him into a goddamn fugitive.

Every day they line the streets, waiting for a glimpse. And as soon as the glimpse comes, they start screaming. As you can see in this video taken today - they scream simply because he’s walking to his car, head dipped down, desperate to get the f-ck away from them.

Twi-Hard lunacy has become so extreme that OK! Magazine reports that the crew has now constructed some sort of cage, 7ft high, for him to hide inside when he needs to be alone on set. We had something like this for Marcus when he was a puppy. Like a pen we’d leave him in when we went out. We’d give him a few cookies, and put the water dish in there, to train him to be independent.

Robert Pattinson is now living like my puppy.

Awesome Twi-Hards!

What drives this?

Oh it’s that dream. The same unique dream they all have: “I know that if I could just meet him, if I could just have that chance, he’d see that I’m different from the rest. And we could be together.”

As for those of you who think that it’s just the young ones…

Please. It’s not just the young ones. You’ve read the hate mail. It’s also the middle aged ones. With children. It’s all ages f-cking crazy!

Speaking of hate mail – you ready for another one? This comes from Wendy in Michigan.

Hi Lamey bitch! Don’t you dare join in with those tabloids and trying to spread rumors that Rob is with that Emilie fat ass. YOU ARE a JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s too fat for him anyway, look at her ass in those jeans and until you accept that Robsten is the real deal no one will be reading your site so give it up you dumpy ass whore!

For those of you who don’t speak Stephenie Meyer crazy, “Robsten” is what they call Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

Attached – “Rob” on set today and also joined by Pierce Brosnan.

Thursday, July 09, 2009 at 11:16 AM


Best & Worst 2009: The attempted strangling of RP

Worst obviously because those crazy bitches could have hurt him, undeterred by the piss poor security, and best obviously because for those of us who are endlessly amused by the Twi-Hardery, this was some funny sh-t. Many of you were initially skeptical about all that hatemail – when you are sane, it’s difficult to imagine the behaviour of those who are very much not sane.

But then a few of them tried to strangle Robert Pattinson in New York while he was shooting Remember Me. And that pretty much took care of the doubt. They are F-CKED. You would have to be, non?

Hi Robert. Can you still get it up if I’m strangling you?

Monday, December 21, 2009 at 4:10 PM

It can be hard to breathe when you’re as young and as famous as he is. He copes in public situations not unlike many of his counterparts in the industry – as alarming as this sounds, a bump here and there is pedestrian in Hollywood. He’s been known however to lock himself in the bathroom and blow until he can face the world. But a word of advice to our fresh star – people know, and they are watching, and they are offering money to those around you, some friendly, some unfriendly, to catch you in a compromising position. So be careful who you trust. Fortunately, for your sake, so far they’ve refused to sell you out. But everyone has a price. People with children and mortgages have a price. And eventually someone will cave. And if you’re still hiding out in the toilet and rubbing your nose in it, suffice to say that photo can set them up for life. Careful now.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010 at 6:53 AM

Update (09/28/10):
denial 1: Justin Bieber


PS. Hands Free is not Nick Cannon. But this is the best guess EVER.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hands free


A quickie.

Who makes sure that her husband has someone on staff specifically to hold her bag while she watches him at work? This is the employee’s only job responsibility. This person does nothing else but hold the bag. There’s no multitasking here. Because the bag can’t be put away in a room or on a table. It must be held. But not by her. Because she photographs much better when she has her hands free. This is Status. This is Respect. This from a woman who claims she’s down with down home living. Not high maintenance? Please.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010 at 7:18 AM

Update (1/20/10):
denial 1: Nick Cannon
denial 2: Jennifer Garner
poll results


PS. Teri Hatcher isn’t the Good Mommy.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"Casting Couch" "the replacement" reveal


Blake’s breasts get her a job. And an escape? (The Superficial)

Monday, January 11, 2010 at 11:15 AM

one slips away, but in this business, there's always another, tits out, waiting for an opportunity.

about 5 hours ago from web