"The Wrong Colour, the Wrong Number," it's not...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
PS. Jordin Sparks is not the Wrong Nightmare. Jordin is SO much sweeter but unfortunately hasn’t ruled the charts in quite the same way. Yet.

Page Six is reporting that Matthew Perry (who???) is dating Mandy Moore. That the two were seen at dinner the other night holding hands and whispering and cute. Totally makes sense to me. Matthew is Wonder Bread on the outside and all kindsa dark and damaged on the inside. And Mandy is trying to become deep and twisty herself, what with all the songs about depression and wearing black and shit, Matthew must present a particular draw…perhaps they are “healing” each other.

As for that ring on her finger – many of you asked about this photo yesterday and what appears to be a huge bauble on her left hand. She’s reportedly been wearing it for a while but she is not engaged to a man.

She is however engaged to herself – a self engagement, if you will… supposedly a new trend for single women probably inspired by the Ministry of Oprah:

Love yourself first! Love yourself before loving anyone else!

Apparently we can’t go shopping anymore without attaching to our purchases some kind of deeper meaning. Gag.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I think that you should start setting the stars up...my first suggestion would be Renee Z and Matthew Perry....Perfect No?

Dear Dee:

I can see why you'd go there. But in the end, I think it would be a codependent match made in hell. Between her weight issues and his chemical ones, between her neediness and his penchant for late night hugs and heartfelt discussions, I can't imagine either of them would be able to get out of bed in the morning. And this is also why I'm retracting my former assertion that Joaquin and Winona would make sweet eternal perfect love. You guys are right. Too much head shrinking required. Joaquin needs someone fun and light and free spirited and Chinese and not available right now but readily if he says the word.

Monday, January 09, 2006


"Leftover Blow," it's not...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
PS. Liv Tyler is not wasting blow. Liv’s been on vacation for a couple of months – resting, not working, word is she is looking and feeling gorgeous.

Also at a charity event this weekend. LOVE this dress. But look at her eyes, y’all. Look at her face. You already know what my mother calls this face, right? That’s right, gossips. This is karma face. To go along with her karma womb. The effects of homewrecking eating away at the fresh-faced beauty we saw in Romeo & Juliet. Guilt truly is a cancer, non?

While we’re on the subject of karma wombs…saw a preview for Billy’s next movie the other day ironically titled Trust the Man. Hate to say it but he looked hot. Short, but hot. Which means there’s a lot of cheating left in him. Sad thing is, I think she knows it. And desperate times call for desperate measures.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

One of my favourites, particularly on the West Wing. Who wouldn’t sympathise with a woman deserted in her 8th month? But as much as I adore Mary Louise Parker, I am also very frightened by the size of her mouth. Was it always this big? On a related note, she apparently showed up at this event along with Claire Danes. Is your smutty sense tingling? I’ve heard nothing about a détente but Claire’s so pathetic these days, it wouldn’t surprise me if Mary’s bitterness has melted under the burden of pity. After all, once a cheater, always a cheater…especially in Hollywood.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Check out a glorious Claire Danes in London for the premiere of Shopgirl this weekend. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. Gorgeous and frail and lonely and torn, all at the same time. You all know who her boyfriend is. You all know how they got together. You all know about the media sh*tstorm that rained down on their relationship when word got out. And even though it’s been a few years since the homewrecking went down, Claire and Billy will never be able to step out officially without revisiting the history behind their love. Up to this point, that was OK. But given that her name is now being tossed about for Oscar contention…well, that changes things a bit, doesn’t it?

Claire is among 6 or 7 women widely believed to be shortlisted for Oscar next year. While Reese and Charlize will probably be the ones duking it out in the end, this would be a huge honour for young Claire, who has worked hard to build an impressive career. Needless to say, Claire is desperate to have Billy along for the ride, to accompany her at these events, to stand by her as she gets to the next level. Unfortunately, she also knows and is reminded every day by her own management team, Steve Martin, the studio, the production company…blah blah blah… that coming out on the red carpet with her boyfriend who she stole from another woman while she was 7 months preggers with his kid would be a complete public relations nightmare. It ain’t happening.

So…The frustration, the shame, the hiding – she’s had enough. And rumour has it, she is seriously thinking about breaking things off. VERY smart move. Even smarter if she could coincide leaking news of the split right around nomination season. I’d say early January, just before the Globes, when Oscar fever begins to build to a frenzy. Remember, in Hollywood, even breakups are coordinated to the very last detail. For more information, see Brad & Jen.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

And it's NOT Melanie Griffith.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


The claws are coming out and this time, a member of Team Richie is stepping up and calling Paris out.

But first - let’s get one thing straight. Paris Hilton gives great head. She is also reportedly a really great f&ck. But unlike the legions of porn star/non heiress whores before her, she has managed to parlay these Goddess given talents into a headline making career. Nevermind that we don’t know exactly what her job is. Give the girl some credit for landing on the A-minus list simply by virtue of staying on her back with her legs up in the air. The problem for Paris is that in doing so - in establishing herself as a celebrity with no other credentials other than spreading as often and as wide as possible - she is alienating almost every legitimate star in Hollywood beyond the usual slate of party sluts on the club scene. And while Paris clearly doesn’t give a sh*t what an old bat like Shirley MacLaine thinks of her, it appears the criticism is now hitting a little closer to home, coming from the ranks of other well photographed, well recognized young poplets who actually do matter in her incestuous little world.

Granted, I don’t think much of Mischa Barton’s acting abilities. At least not the ones I’ve seen on The O.C. I do however give her top style points. And when you consider the notorious assemblage of riffraff that has defined Young Hollywood of late, she doesn’t fare too badly in the class department either. Sure, her taste in men could use some work and yes, of course I’ve heard the rumours of a predilection towards the kind of “happiness” that keeps Jennifer Aniston in size 0 jeans, but hey – in this town, I can think of a lot worse.

So Mischa Barton was interviewed by the 3am girls at the UK Daily Mirror the other night and my girl had some fighting words for Paris. Here are the goods straight from her mouth:

'Paris isn't my rival. I met her one or two times and she's making out there's this big rivalry between us and there so isn't. She seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful. Silly bitch. I tuned into the Brits because I like to know what's going on in British music and I saw her and I was like 'what?', she was coming out with all this ridiculous stuff like 'I love London because whatever'. Purleese.'

Oh and the best part? “She DOES steal people’s boyfriends!” Finally! Confirmation at last!

And a very, very interesting move from Team Richie which has, for the most part, taken a defense-only approach to this war.

So why the sudden aggression? Needless to say, Mischa likely hasn’t gotten over the “fat” comment thrown at her by Nicky Hilton a couple of weeks ago. But there is also a little bit of sabotage going on. As we all know, Paris’s wide reaching ambitions haven’t moved with lightning speed these days. There’s been talk of a highly anticipated full length album which has yet to earn a release date and then there’s her fledgling film career, highlighted by a straight to dvd slasher flick and a thinly disguised Girls Gone Wild sorority movie called Pledge This which still hasn’t graced theatres despite having wrapped ages and ages and ages ago.

Perhaps sensing vulnerability in the Hilton bravado, especially since Paris’s book and fragrance sales haven’t exactly reached blockbuster status, Mischa and Co. are launching a subtle attack, and the timing couldn’t be better. Obviously, Paris’s prospects for career longevity don’t look great but while Mischa certainly won’t win an Oscar like ever I think it’s safe to say that with a steady role on tv and respectable movie offers coming in, she’s got a helluva lot more to contribute than her competitive counterpart. Yes, gossips. I am officially on Team Richie, starvation and all. Because I’ll take skin and bones over Paris Hilton’s overstretched and overused vaginal flaps any day of the week.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Is it Tom Cruise and Vin Diesel? I heard this way back.

Dear Paula:

Very similar situation. But as you said, it was way back. And Tom doesn't frequent young Hollywood clubs these days. As for Vin - too obvious. Think less Shrek, more Hercules…in a manner of speaking.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

"Gay But Broke," it's not...

Monday, March 17, 2008
Jean-Claude Van Damme is not gay and broke but he totally could be, though at the very least his aggressive hustling has apparently been dialed down.
Monday, March 17, 2008
The singing bitch with complaints is not Celine Dion.
Monday, March 17, 2008
PPS. Isla Fisher is not blowing and dashing.