"Anything for Attention," it's not...


Don't bother with:

Jennifer Aniston

Jessica Simpson

Britney Spears

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Pervy Papa Pimp Joe Simpson has totally f&cked up Jessica Simpson’s career, not to mention her love life, and now he’s also failing with Ashlee. Ashlee’s new album was set to drop in November but has since been pushed back to early 2008. Word is she’s back in studio for rewrites and tweaks. The video for the first single however debuted on TRL this week – a date chosen well in advance by Joe for maximum play… but for a teenage pregnancy that has inconveniently gotten in the way.

Jamie Lynn Spears has stolen Ashlee’s thunder and Papa Joe is right pissed.

And although he could not have foretold Jamie Lynn’s bombshell, many insiders claim he’s been well out of his league for ages and the consequences are proving disastrous for both his daughters.

Attached – photos of Ashlee at TRL looking pretty and generic and greasy goth glam with some extra pudge in her lips like her sister. Seriously…can’t these two stay away from surgery???

Friday, December 21, 2007 at 4:03 AM

Goth, punk, fringe, whatever. It all works f0r me. But only if it’s real. I have never seen anyone so contrived, so affected, so pathetic in this regard as Jared Leto, seen here at the Video Game Awards on Saturday. The eyeliner and the nail polish and the hair and the leather and the fact that he is in his 30s and can’t stop dating friggin’ teenagers who are the only losers who can stand to listen to his so called garage band music. Is this what you’ve become Jared? From My So Called Life to Requiem for a Dream to perennial Teen Beat pin up and now boyfriend of one Lindsay Lohan??? And you want us to think you’re hardcore? Please. I’d rather sit through another chest thumping rendition of My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion than waste my time pining over a desperate pathetic piece of sh*t slime like Jared Leto. Period.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Josh Duhamel is clearly blind

There is one hideous monstrosity standing between Josh and my Freebie 5…and its name is Fergie Ugly. There are also not enough cuss words in my vocabulary that can adequately describe how alarmingly frightening her face is. Oddly enough, her body used to be her saving grace but if you look closely, she ain't lookin' all that tight below the neck anymore. Which is probably why she doesn't mind the multi-tasking so much. I mean if you were this mashed up, wouldn't you be thankful that a guy like Josh Duhamel would be willing to contaminate himself in your junk???

Friday, November 18, 2005

"Leftover Blow," it's not...

Friday, March 14, 2008
PS. Kate Bosworth is not a wastetful blower. Cameron Diaz isn’t either.
Friday, March 14, 2008
PPS. Robert Downey Jr is not gay and broke.
Friday, March 14, 2008
PPPS. Scarlett Johansson isn’t this demanding cow.

"Leftover Blow" guess


Kate Bosworth last night in Vegas for the premiere of 21. From the neck up, she looks great. The dress is amazing. Am all over the arm warmers. Not so much the shoes. Those legs however…those legs are scary. Scarier than Posh.

Crazy thing is, she’s actually been thinner. Right after splitting with Three Whiskers Orly, Kate was thin like death and though in recent months she’s appeared to have bounced back, by maybe a measly 5 pounds, clearly there’s a limit to her healthy threshold. Like she’s approaching the land of the living as if it were a jittery cat ready to scratch at a moment’s notice. Thing is… claws hurt. Eating properly doesn’t.

She does look happy though. Happier and more animated than ever. Sometimes happy makes you thin.

Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 6:23 AM


Have you seen Across the Universe yet? If not, maybe you won’t get it. And if The Other Boleyn Girl is your only introduction to Jim Sturgess, you really do have to give him another chance. They hung him out to dry in that movie, although chances are you haven’t seen it. Because no one is seeing it. This is what happens when a film gets buried in February.

Having said that… where Jim is concerned… it’s actually a good thing. Because his turn in 21 is much hotter. Starring opposite Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth, who both appear rather fond of him, 21 is based on Ben Mezrich’s Bringing Down the House (wicked book) about a group of MIT students who fleece Vegas…for a while.

Jim turned up at the premiere last night in Vegas looking adorably out of place and sexy as hell. Don’t think that escaped Kate either. She appeared particularly happy to see him. Or maybe she was just happy. She gets happy a lot.

Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 6:55 AM
Thursday, March 13, 2008
PS. Kate Beckinsale isn’t careless with her blow. That was before. Neither is Charlize. She prefers natural.

"Leftover Blow" clue


Two bitches have buried the hatchet… for now. And for a good cause – can you believe it?

Here are Kate Moss and Sienna Miller looking friendly than ever at the Cancer Research UK shop on Marylebone High Street during the Make Today Count Auction in London. You’ll note, Sienna has been accused of ripping off Kate’s style for years (absolutely) and the two scrapped at a party a few months ago when Kate became jealous of Sienna’s relationship with her long time pal Rhys Ifans.

Appears the chainsmoking party girls have found temporary peace and are even looking more and more alike. For Kate, it’s the same sh*t over and over. For Sienna however it doesn’t bode well: Kate’s lifestyle is well documented, not exactly the best influence. And after a period of relative calm, am told Sienna is once again headed in that direction. Trouble.

PS. They do seem irresistibly chic together, non? Like Gwyneth and Winona once upon a time?

Friday, February 29, 2008 at 10:29 AM

PS. Winona Ryder is not leaving blow behind .

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
P.S. Lainey wants me to tell you that Megan Fox and Renee Zellweger are not the subjects of the new riddle. Mmmm... Megan Fox.

"Boys Are Bitches too!" revealed


Better this I say than the punk ass hypocrites like Avril Lavigne and Ebola and even Ashton who claim they don’t want the attention and need it the next minute when they have something to sell.

Posh will never say she doesn’t want the attention. Which is she drives around in a f&cking white Porsche emblazoned with her initials. How can you not love her? This bitch makes my life. And she makes no secret of the fact that she asked for this. The shutter is like her oxygen. She said as much in Vogue UK in her cover issue:

You know what? You make your bed, you lie in it. If David and I go out and have a nice dinner in London, you’re going to get photographed. I get seen when I want to be seen, at the end of the day.

She gets seen when they want to be seen.

Same goes for Brad and Angelina, same goes for Nicole Kidman, same goes for Jennifer Garner, same goes for all of them. Which is why a show like Pop Fiction is so full of shit. Ashton exposing the media for the frenzy? Punking the paparazzi?

Bitch… please!

How ‘bout this Ashton? How about exposing the celebrities for their DEPENDENCE on the paparazzi? How the f&ck do you think Rumer Willis got a job?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 at 11:20 AM

Slap the Itch

No one else is picking my ass right now quite like Miley Cyrus. It’s official. I can’t bear her.

She was on Leno last night and it’s everything. It’s the 25 year old voice coming out of a 15 year old. Does this look 15???

It’s the condescending way she says Thaaaaank You. It’s that mouth. It’s those teeth. It’s the “Valentino”. It’s how uncomfortable and awkward her father looked sitting next to her. Even Jay had to cut in and shut her up.


If you can stand it, click here for the clip then stab your eyes out with a Louboutin.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 7:24 AM

The Wrong Colour, The Wrong Number


Us Weekly is reporting that Janet Jackson was hospitalised last night because of shortness of breath. Her rep subsequently clarified that it was the flu.

The flu? Do you believe the flu? With all that money and resources, she can’t afford home care?

Or is it because you can’t give someone a nose job/tummy tuck/boob lift/etc etc etc at home?

Not that Janet would ever, right? Not that there are any fake parts on her body, right?

In some circles, there are those who believe she actually had a rod inserted into her abs to make them look the way they do. Sounds rubbish to me, didn’t know that was actually possible… but this is Hollywood after all.

Best to the nursing staff treating her during this delicate time. Cedars Sinai is kick ass but it’s hard to provide proper medical treatment with so many rules in place…Just sayin'...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 at 10:38 AM

Not Uma Thurman.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 at 7:38 AM

It’s either diva bitches or cokeheads these days, don’t ask me why…

Many assumed she’d chilled out on the hardcore life, taking a more low key approach, curbing several vices, focusing on career and love.

Apparently not so.

In fact, she raging even harder these days. Makes it more fun when there’s a partner. And while recreational use is generally accepted in Hollywood, powdering your nose on the job, all day long, day after day… suffice to say, when you can surprise the industry, you might be going overboard on the consumption.

Currently working on a new project, she often has to head for the ladies almost every 10 minutes. Glassy eyed and wired all day long, it’s now her only way to get through the long hours. Sniffling and bumbling at the start, bouncing off the walls in no time, so far it hasn’t been a problem because she’s stayed on top of her game.

But the other day, when rushed for a scene by the crew, she decided to hoover a thick line on a mirror on the table in the makeup trailer while the stylists had stepped out, laying out so much that what was left over on both sides could have been divided themselves to yield another two lines and so on and so on. Like the cocaine version of cellular division.

All hell then broke loose when the leftover blow was discovered as there are children who visit the set rather frequently and so the star was given a stern, uncomfortable talking to, after which she did sweetly apologise to everyone around and treat the crew to snacks and goodies on her but is now being watched closely in the hopes she can control herself enough to see the shoot through on time.

Not Uma Thurman.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 at 7:38 AM

Update (7/11/08):
denial 1: Uma Thurman
denial 2: Megan Fox & Renee Zellweger
denial 3: Winona Ryder
denial 4: Kate Beckinsale & Charlize Theron
denial 5: Kate Bosworth & Cameron Diaz
denial 6: Isla Fisher
denial 7: Liv Tyler

More Sienna stupidity
Another on the Verge

Tuesday, March 11, 2008
PS. Avril Lavigne is a complaining, demanding bitch. But not the subject of this riddle.

"Gay But Broke," it's not...

Monday, March 10, 2008
PPS. Scott Wolfe is probably broke. No idea though he's gay. Same goes for James Van Der Beek. And really… who cares? Especially not about Paul Walker who is limping back with his ass in his mouth to make a sh*tty FOURTH Fast and Furious film. Paul isn’t Gay and Broke. But he is Hot and Dumb – a quiver killer.
Monday, March 10, 2008
PS. Carrie Underwood is not the Wrong Girl.