"Trailer Visits," it's not...

PPS. Mel Gibson is not goosing gays in his trailer.
Friday, December 21, 2007
PPS. Tom Cruise was not entertaining visitors in his trailer. Neither was Patrick Dempsey.
Thursday, December 20, 2007

"Holiday Detox," it's not...

And Julia Roberts is not on Holiday Detox.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007

PPPPS. John Travolta is not ordering up young gay fun in his trailer.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007

"Trailer Visits," it's not...

Johnny Depp does not receive trailer visits from young gay video boys.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
PPPPS. Gwen Stefani is not spending holidays on detox.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"Trailer Visits" clue


Will Smith once said that he owns the 4th of July, referring to his impressive Independence Day box office record, not only with the title film’s impressive performance but with most of his summer blockbusters, regardless of how well or how poorly they’re reviewed.

Suffice to say after this weekend, Will Smith not only owns the 4th of July, he now also owns Christmas, with I Am Legend securing the best December opening ever, making Will Smith the most bankable movie star in the business.

This is why Xenu loves Will Smith. Because 30% of Will’s box office is a lot of money. The Church wants his big bank account, the GMD wants his big balls, Will might want some young balls of his own… everybody’s on the same page.
Praise Xenu, ah-Thetan.

Monday, December 17, 2007 at 6:33:48 AM


Married and mega successful, with several children, but how to account for the gay young things seen coming and going from his trailer during production of his next hit?

They were not part of the crew and they were not there to work… at least not on the film. Word is, he is insatiable and needs variety. Rarely does the same boy visit twice. And rarely are the boys not well taken care of. Though they are not paid professionals, per se, but they are compensated for being pretty and bendy. This is apparently a requirement. All of them have been observed to share the same body type: lean and fresh with short hair and they look like they all “belong in a music video”.

Satisfaction guaranteed on both sides. He gets his and they get trips, clothes, watches, iPods… like a gay holiday year round!

Always tip well to avoid talkers, savvy?

Monday, December 17, 2007 at 8:59:40 AM

Trailer Visits... With His Trainer


Remember him? Click here for a refresher

Looks like his trailer activities have not stopped, although now, instead of a revolving door of visitors, it’s just one on the regular – his trainer with whom he has been spending an inordinate amount of time while working on location for an ongoing project, locked alone behind closed doors for hours. Not training. Not even dressed for training.

Curiously enough, he’s taken to entertaining his trainer not in his own trailer but in his co-star’s trailer, foolishly believing their long sessions would go unnoticed.

Not unnoticed. And actually rather shocking for crew members who until now totally believed his fraud.

Monday, February 11, 2008 at 7:36:49 AM

Update (10/21/08):
denial 1: Johnny Depp
denial 2: John Travolta
denial 3: Tom Cruise & Patrick Dempsey
denial 4: Mel Gibson
denial 5: Eddie Murphy
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3

PS. Sarah Jessica Parker is NOT on Holiday Detox. Also NOT Angelina Jolie.
Monday, December 17, 2007

"New Bitch Unwelcome" revealed


Maybe Chace Crawford is perfect for Carrie Underwood after all. Rumour has it Carrie is a raging cow. Callous with her minions, inconsiderate of fans, and supposedly a jealous hag when she was dating Tony Romo.

Looks like her bitch is rubbing off on Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford. Word is he pulled out his diva yesterday at a charity event at Toys R Us in NYC. Chace was to arrive and pick out gifts for sick kids and a press release was sent out alerting media to the event.

So the media showed up. Only upon arrival, his reps freaked out and claimed Chase would not be comfortable with the press around, pushing reporters outside to wait in the cold.

SO WHY SEND OUT A PRESS RELEASE? Why arrange a photo opp if there are to be no photos?

Let’s be clear here: he wasn’t BUYING presents out of his own pocket. He was just there to PICK them and have his picture taken so that other people would be inspired by his gesture. However, pretty boy and his peeps are apparently not with it enough to understand that you can’t take a picture without a camera. Is science class not mandatory in high school anymore???

Unfortunately it seems like Chace arrived in a pissy mood, did not crack a smile the entire time, didn’t bother to take off his coat and hat, obviously intending to get it over with as soon as possible. Said an observer:

“He clearly doesn’t want to be here.”

Sounds like Carrie.

Am reposting Chase’s Tom Cruise temptation from yesterday. The gays loved it. Especially my Main ‘Mo Darren who claims he once posed like that in a tux back in the day too. Send me the pic, bitch!

Friday, December 14, 2007 at 9:36:56 AM
PPPS. Madonna is not on Holiday Detox. Neither is Reese Witherspoon. Also not Drew Barrymore. Wrong riddle.
Friday, December 14, 2007
PPPS. Madonna is not on Holiday Detox. Neither is Reese Witherspoon. Also not Drew Barrymore. Wrong riddle.
Friday, December 14, 2007

"Holiday Detox," it's not...

PPS. Catherine Zeta-Jones is not on Holiday Detox. Neither Rachel Weisz. Or Jennifer Connelly. Or Kate Hudson.
Thursday, December 13, 2007

"Holliday Detox," it's not...

PS. Holiday Detox is not Kate Bosworth. Also not Naomi Watts. Nor is it Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"Holiday Detox," it's not...

PPS. My Gwyneth is NOT on Holiday Detox. Neither is Kate Winslet. And not Jennifer Garner either.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007

And no, Condom-free Sleaze is not Brody Jenner.
Monday, December 10, 2007 at 12:00:00 AM

Some stars you look at with blinders on. She is for me one of those stars. But the glassy eyes are hard to excuse. And the thinnification too. Thinnification to get back to work and in her case assisted by good old cocaine which she apparently did in copious amounts on sets through summer and fall to stay alert and focused and un-hungry. Which is apparently always something she’s dabbled in, only before she was able to actually stop between gigs.

This time however, even though she’s wrapped, she’s taken to taking it home, wreaking havoc in her family life and bringing on serious bouts of depression. After a particularly painful episode with a very young, very innocent witness, she finally went for help. The good news is she knows she needs to stop. And she has a supportive partner behind her. Word is, to avoid public scandal, she’s fighting the beast at home during the holidays under professional supervision.

Wonderful news indeed.

Monday, December 10, 2007 at 12:00:00 AM

Update (10/23/08):
Denial 1: Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet & Jennifer Garner
Denial 2: Kate Bosworth, Naomi Watts & Maggie Gyllenhaal
Denial 3: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rachel Weisz, Jennifer Connelly & Kate Hudson
Denial 4: Madonna, Reese Witherspoon & Drew Barrymore
Denial 5: Sarah Jessica Parker & Angelina Jolie
Denial 6: Gwen Stefani
Denial 7: Julia Roberts
Denial 8: Uma Thurman
Denial 9: Gwyneth Paltrow & Kate Beckinsale
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3
reveal 4
reveal 5


"Condom-free Sleaze," it's not...

PS. Condom-free Sleaze is not is not John Mayer.
Friday, December 7, 2007

"Another on the Verge" revealed


Well well… isn’t this a shocker. Sienna Miller looking bombed out of her tree groping someone else’s girls. Looks like some innocent fun, non?

Because Sienna would NEVER make out with a chick. Or a random dude. Or get shitfaced and lose control. No no. Sienna wouldn’t go there. Sienna is STABLE, you see?

She’s much, much, much too stable and sensible too! She’s sensible and she’s stable and she’s smart and she totally has her head on straight and she also never said that drugs were “f*ckloads of fun", right?


Monday, March 26, 2007


"Mr Popular Likes Pretty Woman" revealed



You know what did me in? There is one photo in the new issue of Vanity Fair (out Wednesday in NYC and LA, next week everywhere else), page 344, I would put it up here but I'd get the Chinese sued outta me so wait 24 hours for the scans, but I'm telling you, it's killer. The whole spread is killer - Old Hollywood theme, posing with Gemma Ward, in this particular photo he's shot in black & white, wearing a white shirt, tuxedo pants, sitting on the floor, leaning back against a door, hand resting on a raised knee, looking off to the side at Gemma, the sun is lighting up half of his face, his expression is flirty and wistful and even a little tired all at once… PURE LOIN QUIVERATION.

George for the Freebie 5? Yes, yes, yes!!!

As for the article…my husband's words: 'the writer popped a c*ckstand'. Gushing praise for Hollywood's coolest cat, and deservedly so…because really, when you think about it, who doesn't want to be friends with George, though the comparison to Atticus Finch might have been just a *tad* overboard.

You’ve no doubt read the more popular excerpts: his prediction that Cate Blanchett will win an Oscar, his mancrush on Clive Owen, his admiration for Johnny Depp. And then there are my favourites: his revelation that prior to the Oscar, Tim Robbins told him 'If you win, you have to say *Impeach Bush* and Clooney's declaration that The Big Lebowski 'is the funniest stoner movie - that and Dazed and Confused', which only made me think of Matthew McConaughey, who wants so badly to be George and never will be.

As George has himself articulated, there is something to be said for success late in life. He was obscure through his 20s, he was a MAN when he found fame, it's made a huge impact on his star, on his legacy, just goes to show you - youth is not necessarily COOL.

Hello George, Goodbye Edward Norton, Goodbye Colin Farrell, Hello Borat. Yep, I totally would for Borat.

Oh - and while we're on the subject of George…clearly George has a type. Clearly it ain't Renee Zellweger although I did enjoy the farfetched speculation last week that they were canoodling somewhere…hmmmm, wonder if her publicist had anything to do with that one, especially since she's been so vehemently disputing recent allegations of bad behaviour, a little touch of the Golden George wouldn't hurt... but then again, publicists *never* do that, right?

But enough about lemons…we were talking about George and the George kind of girl: brunette, name not essential, usually some sort of skin and boobs model, like Lisa Snowden and Krista Allen before her, this one wears a tight black dress and holds up signs on a game show called Deal or No Deal…need I say more???

It's, like, the one knock on Clooney, you know? I mean, I'm not saying he has to marry the Princess of Monaco or anything and yes, even those who breathe rarified air have to come down from the mountain to eat at McDonald's once in a while, and no, and it never lasts longer than it should but still, they're just so … common, as my Gwynnie would say… so soap opera, and George is celluloid, deserving of at least a supermodel, if not his own version of Annette Bening, though I suppose in the grand scheme of things, most of you prefer him single, not serious about anyone, and yet I don't want George to be Jack, I don't want to see George in 20 years with Nicole Richie - the Lara Flynn Boyle of the future - sitting courtside at a Laker game leering at dancers.

Then again, maybe it's just me. Maybe the Blender beauties are best for George. Maybe we don't want him to do better. But wouldn't it be nice to see him save Nicole Kidman from herself? Just asking…

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

You will love this.

As you know, for the last couple of months, George Clooney has been squiring around a young lass called Sarah Larsen. Sarah has been identified as a one time Vegas cocktail waitress and Fear Factor contestant who has taken leave at her job to accompany her john around the world.

And john really is the operative word. It is well known George’s disdain for commitment, which is why he plays it smart, staying away from the clingers and the over 30, and staying close to those who are happy on hire, who look good, who can provide a service between the sheets and something to look at during dinner – girls who don’t need to have an opinion and are happy to spend the day shopping while he’s busy at work on the set.

Kinda like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Actually… EXACTLY like Pretty Woman.

Check it out – the most entertaining video of the Nine.com girls: women hired by online gaming outfits to entertain clients…and more. They spice up conventions, they parade freely around hotels dressed in the shortest shorts in the tightest titty tops, and it is common knowledge that they stay “after hours” when needed, and when the price is right.

Given how free they are when the cameras are ON, can you imagine how free they must be when the cameras are OFF and the cash is flowing? Sarah doesn’t seem very inhibited, does she?

I’m told she was a favourite on the circuit and supposedly enjoyed the Sapphic experience – as you can see from the video, she appears to be very comfortable with her colleagues, grabbing a handful of beautiful lady ass and pretending to bite it. What a classy girl.

Isn’t George a lucky duck? And still the MiniVan Majority tenaciously holds onto its illusion: that he will change for the right women. Problem for them is…

Sarah Larsen is the right woman. This is what George wants.

Here he is yesterday on the set of Burn After Reading in Washington where he’s been keeping a low profile.

Click here for the girl clip – NOT QUITE safe for work. Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 9:31:56 AM

PPS. Cuba Gooding Jr is not a Condom-free Sleaze. Neither is Ethan Hawke who is definitely sleazy though I’ve no idea what his protection habits are, off or not.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
PS. Cheap & Crafty is not Brooke Shields. Many of your guesses have now become repeats. Might want to browse through the archives to refresh.
Thursday, December 6, 2007

"Condom-free Sleaze," it's not...

PS. Condom-free Sleaze is not Jude Law. Or Lance Armstrong. Or Kevin Connolly.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007


"Mute Stones & Nude Windows," it's not...


And Mute Stones is not Renee Zellweger.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007 at 12:17:21 PM

To make up for the unscheduled absence – more hints on Condom-free Sleaze:

- Orlando Bloom
- Alec Baldwin
- Guy Ritchie

Tuesday, December 04, 2007 at 12:17:21 PM
PPPS. Condom-free Sleaze is NOT Chad Michael Murray. He’s actually still with that 17 year old, isn’t he? At least she was 17 at the time. Also not John Mayer and not Bradley Cooper and not Vince Vaughn.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Here's a very distinguished looking Bruce Willis collecting some hoity toity French title in Paris yesterday. On the outside, he's aging wonderfully. Too bad he's a dirty perv underneath.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

He's the Master

You already know about my two minds when it comes to Benicio del Toro. Somewhere underneath all that slime, I can sort of see how he gets p*ssy by the truckload. I'm sure those squinty eyes and that bad boy drawl appeal to more than just a few opportunistic, lusty ladies. However, if I were Benicio, I'd cool it on indulgent lifestyle. Or, at the very least, the high calorie components of it. Because he is starting to look more and more like a fat Elvis - check out those chubby fingers. But while Elvis was Elvis - I just don't think this look works for del Toro...know what I mean???

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Hmmm…is it just me or is the Crusty One looking surprisingly sexy in these series of photos? In fact, both Mr. & Mrs. Crowe appear to be happy and healthy and in fine spirits overall. Ahhhh…could it be that someone has recently taken up them up on their kinky proposition?? Has sexual experimentation actually reformed one of the world's most notorious grumps? Is three really better than two???

Monday, September 05, 2005
I was intending to send out a new column last night but the 2,500 emails – and counting – in my mailbox got in the way. Evidently y’all enjoyed the Switch Hitting Blind Item. Just to clarify, the horndog in question is not Jude Law, Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor, Orlando Bloom, Matthew McConnaughey, or Clive Owen. And a special shout out to Julian K for giving me the best laugh I’ve had all month, suggesting that the homo/hetero in question is Celine Dion who “has an accent and looks like a man”.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I offer you the following blind item. But, unlike Ted, I WILL reveal the answer ( in a clever lawyerly way) if you ask me directly:

There is certain hunk with an accent. He is a renowned ladies’ man who has likely tagged a woman in every city across America and beyond. What’s interesting is that this lothario mysteriously swings the other way but only when he dabbles in other, more chemical, treats. What’s even more interesting is that when he gets caught, he doesn’t even care. The last time? It was at a party with 100 other revelers and he was seen with his undies around his ankles giving and receiving pleasures and, believe me when I tell you, his partner was even better hung than he is!

OK smutters. Give it some thought first before flooding my inbox.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Update (5/7/08):
Denials: Jude Law, Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor, Orlando Bloom, Matthew McConaughey, Clive Owen & Celine Dion


And…just to sweeten up your mood, I’m bribing you with another blind item. The last one seemed to be popular. Yes, I will tell if you ask me – cryptically, of course. Much more cryptically than last time. But take a few minutes to think about it first before bombarding my inbox. It’s not so easy this time.

He is an award-winning actor, truly one of the best. Some people adore him. Some people, not so much. And it’s not just the difficult personality. On the set of one of his films, a pretty assistant caught his eye. Although he didn’t make a move throughout the duration of the shoot, he did arrange for her to be around him on many social occasions, just to be around her, to observe her, to fully appreciate her assets. At the end of production, he finally delivered the proposition that you’re all expecting. Except that it wasn’t quite so simple. You see, our superstar wasn’t just asking for himself. He was also asking for his wife. Apparently, 3 is their favourite number.

Thank Goddess the attractive assistant managed to deftly finagle herself out of the situation but I’ve since been told that he picks one per film. And most of the girls don’t escape so easily.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Update (1/30/08):


As for the has been: It’s not Sharon Stone and it’s not Winona Ryder. Does that help? You have 2 more days to send me your guesses before I shut this one down.

Monday, September 5, 2005


The girl who’s trying to get back on the A-list – it’s not Pam Anderson and it’s not Shannen Doherty. And it’s now closed. I’m sorry. But I’ve answered a lot of your emails over the last few days and it’s time to move on. Forgive me??

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


She is an almost hasbeen, trying to make one last stab at A list status. Unlike most hard partiers in Hollywood, she doesn’t care that she has a crazy reputation. In fact, she almost feeds it. Older men, younger men, several men…she’s done it all. What most people don’t know is that she also enjoys the occasional female. But only if she gets to do the traditionally manly bits, like strapping on a few accessories and exercising her inner bronco. And before you waste your time...it's NOT Tara Reid.
There. Go nuts with that one. And have a great weekend. Fresh smut on Monday night.
Yours in gossip,
Friday, September 2, 2005
Update (5/7/08):


OK. I’m heading to bed with my Wentie. But first, another blind item. And I’m not giving this one up so easily. You can write to me but no hints…at least not until I drop the 2nd clue on Thursday night.

They are among the Hollywood super elite, as powerful apart as they are together. Although you wouldn’t think it, their sex life is actually pretty functional and routine. Her favourite position? Doggy style. But not for the reason you think. You see, aside from the obvious benefits, that particular pose enables her to keep her hair and makeup intact AND admire herself in the mirror in the process. According to her housekeeper, it’s the only way she can get off.

Yours in gossip,


Tuesday, August 30, 2005


So I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is another new blind item, in addition to another juicy detail about your favourite canine couple. The bad news is that I can’t reveal this one as openly as I have the others. So please don’t be mad if my clues aren’t as obvious as they were before. You don’t want me getting my Chinese ass sued to pieces, do you?

Still wondering who the doggy-lovin’ couple is? Here’s some more dirty info:

When they’re not humping each other in front of the mirror, our power couple enjoys partaking in some classy porn. Together. They feel it keeps their relationship healthy and fresh. Thing is, when you’re as influential as they are, you can pretty much order up your own story lines. Which is exactly what they do. They request, for their viewing pleasure, specific scenarios and specific positions. All shot on high quality film of course. No budget skin flicks accepted here. Once every few months or so, a new batch arrives on top secret order from a company that specializes in producing porn for the terribly wealthy and terribly kinky. Who are they? Send me your guesses. I’ll see if I can lead you to the right answer…

Friday, September 2, 2005


If you’ve read the entire column, the doggy couple should be obvious.

Monday, September 5, 2005

Update (1/30/08):


If I could look like anyone other than Gwyneth Paltrow, it would be Gisele Bundchen. She might be a skinny bitch, but the girl is f&cking gorgeous. And on her, skinny just works. These are outtake photos from her recent calendar shoot. Unlike most of her waifish counterparts, Gisele actually looks naturally athletic and strong. I've also heard she's a pretty decent person and likes to suck a lot of c*ck. Now tell me...does it get any more perfect than that??

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Ph. D in F


Although I personally don’t find her attractive, I’m sure there are many who do. After all, she’s still relatively young and she has a good body and it’s not like she hasn’t had many suitors in the past. Thing is, she has a weird addiction. She only goes for unavailable men! Married, engaged, cohabitating, you name it…that’s what she wants. Everyone in her posse has tried to talk some sense in to her, and she knows it herself, but she just can’t help it. And she also refuses to seek treatment. Who is she??? Let me give you a tip – it’s not Tara. It’s not Angelina (would I EVER say Angelina is unattractive???), it’s not Paris Hilton, and it’s not Lindsay Lohan.

There. I’ll leave you with that. No email clues, no matter what you bribe me with. I’ll drop one more hint on Friday, and then the subscriber challenge winner will be announced next week. Thanks for indulging my shameless self promotion and endless appeals for subscribers. As many of you know, gossip don’t pay, which means I gotta start pimping myself out. Hope you understand. With good smut comes great sacrifice…

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Bad Habits - Clue #2


Final clue before I reveal the subscriber contest winner later on this week. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please read back in the archives. Remember - a LOT of juicy smut is at stake.

So…we're talking about the girl who is only attracted to married men. She's also what you might call a multi purpose failure, unsuccessful at almost every entertainment endeavour she's put her slutty little hands on since achieving modest stardom in her late teens. Don't believe the sweet exterior. Underneath that fake smile is a fiercely ambitious bitch, ready to destroy any relationship and step on everyone in order to get what she wants…

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Update (7/15/08):
Denials: Angelina Jolie, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid
Reveal 1
Reveal 2


She’s beautiful. Her body is tight. And while she’ll likely never win an Oscar, she does have promising career prospects. But not if she keeps up the diva behaviour. Our young star refuses to work, refuses to talk, refuses to co-operate if there is anyone on the set – from the caterer to the seamstress to the makeup artist – anyone who she perceives as better looking as she is. Which is also another reason why she usually surrounds herself with male companionship and has trouble bonding with the opposite sex. Now this isn’t exactly unique behaviour, but this time our girl has taken it so far that she’s pissed off the wrong person. As in a senior studio executive’s daughter who happened to drop by the set to visit a friend one day. After a massive hissy fit, she demanded that the girl be banned from the set forever, and almost got kicked off the movie until her agent intervened. After a tearful apology she got her job back, but needless to say, her reputation has taken a serious hit. Who is she?

Feel free to email me with hint requests but please know that I can’t reveal too much on this one. You’ll have to work with the limited info give you. Good luck!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Update (2/20/08):



Take your time before you email me. It’s a tough one and I’m not giving it up easily. One guess, so think it through. Good luck!

Eccentric. Not too tall. Balding. And very particular about how his wife behaves. Equality apparently doesn’t exist in this marriage. At least not in the way you would expect. Spouse, slave, sex object, servant…she does it all. And we are almost talking dark ages. She washes his feet, she cuts his toenails, and she gives pleasure whenever she is beckoned. And I mean whenever, wherever.

A business meeting at a nice restaurant. He’s getting a bit tense. Things aren’t necessarily going his way. He gives his wife a look, gets up to go the john, she joins him a few minutes later. By the end of the bathroom visit, he’s relieved, she needs mouthwash, and we proceed like nothing ever happened. Except it happens all the time. So who’s the master?

Thursday, September 29, 2005


Apparently, y’all love the Master. I’m closing this one after this column so think about it before you email me. One guess!

Now that you know about his extreme demands, it should be of no surprise why his past relationships went up in smoke. Flashback nearly 10 years ago with the love of his life at the time. Poor thing realised too late that she was expected to dance nekked on a whim, perfect the art of mobile fellatio, and pretend to be interested when the Master woke up in the middle of night with a tumescent member that could only be satisfied with not one but 2 other participants.

So again, who’s the Master???

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Update (9/3/08):
reveal 1
reveal 2


"Strong and not" revealed


I really wish they’d hold hands, you know? Because every time Madonna and Guy Ritchie step out, they carry each other like my parents. This is not sexy.

So here they are last night in New York at a special screening for Revolver, a film Guy shot over 3 years ago and has yet to see an American release because it was so poorly received two years ago after it hit the film festival circuit.

Remember Madge and Guy at TIFF 2005? Great story behind this one:

They booked into the Soho Met in Toronto, penthouse suite. The Soho Met is renowned for this suite: three floors, 4,000 square feet, an elevator inside, two full size kitchens, wrap around balcony… word is it goes for $5K a night. Crazy.

Anyway, at the time, Gwyneth was also in town promoting Proof. Neither was aware they had reserved at the same hotel. So when Madge found out Gwynnie was staying in the same building, she turned the penthouse suite into a little girl’s party room and threw a girly bash for Apple. Apparently everyone at the festival ended up dropping by – Madge and Apple’s was the place to be!

But I digress.

About Revolver – it tanked in the UK. Which is why Guy hasn’t been up to much in years. But he’s tweaked the film and now Madge wants to help make Revolver a hit in the States so rumour has it she’s throwing her full weight behind it and inviting her famous friends in the hopes that last night’s premiere would attract much needed attention.

Guy has also been much more chatty of late, showing up on a few red carpets with the children, and granting an interview to Extra last week during which he talked about his headline-making family and their holiday rituals:

On Christmas:
"The kids are only allowed three presents. As long as the kids get three presents at Christmas, everyone’s being happy.”

On having more kids:
“Who knows. My wife and myself like kids so we’ll have to wait and see what happens."

My wife, my wife…is your smutty sense tingling??? Then again, my annoying Gwyneth does the same thing. She never refers to Chris by name, preferring to say “my husband” instead, as a way not to encourage interest, to keep the public at bay about her marriage. No doubt Guy will have the same excuse…though underneath, I hear there are much more complicated issues at work. But since it’s been a while since his wife fell off a horse or walked into door.
Back to that penthouse suite, just in case you’re interested…

The Metropolitan Hotels http://www.metropolitan.com/ group is running a special program from January – March 2008 offering random upgrades to EVERY hotel guest who books during that time in Toronto and Vancouver.

Which means that if you have a reservation at the Soho Met in Toronto, upon arrival, you may be upgraded immediately into Madonna’s penthouse suite at no additional cost. Or they might send you a basket full of Sarah Jessica Parker’s favourite spa items when she stayed there. Or in Vancouver, you could be treated to a Halle Berry mani/pedi and more luxury items…

If you score that Penthouse Suite, throw a party and invite me!

PS. Madge looks lovely, doesn't she? She should give Nicole Kidman a surgeon referral. Seriously.

Monday, December 03, 2007 at 7:27:15 AM

Here’s a riddle for all riddles…took several weeks to research and confirm because the level of atrocity is just so unspeakable.

A legendary philanderer, now that he’s allowed, managed to talk some random twat into sleeping with him…repeatedly. She of course is an aspiring celebrity, like so many young 20 somethings running around these days, obsessed with The Hills, believing they can be the next Lauren Conrard, dreaming of finally “moving to LA” and then when getting there, hooking up with any actor that can get them papped while leaving a club.

Why are some girls so dumb?

So dumb they get talked into sex without a condom, so dumb they get knocked up? When he found out, of course he promised he’d make it official…he’d legitimise her as his girlfriend but she had to, as you would expect, get rid of the bump. A nice cheque and a bauble, along with several thousand dollars worth of merchandise from Fred Segal came along with the promise.

Naturally she believes him. And she gets it done. And now he won’t return her calls preferring instead to set up a few photo opps depicting him the perfect single man. Her friends, seeing a cash opportunity, are imploring her to run to the tabs. Only she’s in love and is afraid to ruin her chances.

So all she does is keep calling. Only to be met with radio silence on the other end.

Pray Xenu she finally starts singing the jilted blues all the way to the National Enquirer. It’s about time this sleaze loses what’s left of a dwindling fanbase.

Monday, December 03, 2007 at 11:12:04 AM

Update (7/8/08):
clue 1
clue 2
denial 1: Chad Michael Murray, John Mayer, Bradley Cooper & Vince Vaughn
denial 2: Orlando Bloom, Alec Baldwin & Guy Ritchie
denial 3: Jude Law, Lance Armstrong & Kevin Connolly
denial 4: Cuba Gooding Jr. & Ethan Hawke
denial 5: John Mayer
denial 6: Brody Jenner

reveal 1
reveal 2


No more hair for Scott Speedman, pictured here at the premiere of the Sasquatch Gang last night. MUCH better, non? Wonder if the new fresh look means a new fresh fetish?

And yes…that’s Drew Barrymore’s young lover Justin Long beside him. They’ve all been hanging out in Toronto frequently too. Not sure if Drew travelled with Justin to LA or if she’s still in Toronto shooting her Grey Gardens and spending time with perhaps a more mature crowd while he’s away.

She does have quirky taste in dudes, non? Side by side, 9.5 out of 10 girls would lose the Justin for the Scott.

Friday, November 30, 2007 at 8:20:26 AM

He’s super hot. He’s moderately successful. He’s probably not gay – although one can never be sure in Hollywood. He’s also always working. So why is it that he can’t find a woman? Maybe it’s because his mediocre skills in the boudoir are complemented by some tightwad tendencies that his good looks simply can’t make up for.

On the first few dates, everything is fine. But then he begins to squirm if the unlucky lady orders something a little too extravagant on the menu. An expensive bottle of wine on birthdays is out of the question and don’t even bother calling him on his cell before the free minutes kick in. Totally understandable behaviour for a starving actor but definitely NOT acceptable for a dude who is a definite headliner, even if his movies do suck sh*t.

So a few weeks ago, he takes out a new girl. They have a good time, they go out again, she’s really charmed, she sleeps with him, and she stays overnight. Next morning – they oversleep, he has a meeting and can’t drive her home. So she calls a cab but she has no cash. He spots her $100, they say goodbye, and agree to see each other later. When they hook up next time, he actually asks her TO PAY HIM BACK!
AND – to top it all off – his feet smell!!!

Okay gossips, take it easy before you email me. I’m under strict orders for no additional clues on this one. Which means I can only say yes or no. One guess. Good luck.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Being cheap is STILL unforgiveable

So he won’t splurge on dinner, he’s tight with cabfare, and his feet smell. Think it can’t get any worse? Apparently my man also has the maturity of a 10 year old. And so do all his friends. His last relationship with potential ended because of one too many days like this:

She’s been out of town for a couple of weeks. He’s been hanging with the boys the whole time. She gets home, they make plans to stay in for a quiet dinner, catch up, make some love. All good things, right? Two hours later, the night is half over and she’s still waiting. Turns out he’s been playing video games and lost track of time. So she calls, he answers, apologies sincerely and promises to be over right away. Only as soon as the words out of his mouth, she can hear his buddies jeer and complain and taunt. Very high school, I know. The only problem is – he’s like a decade and a half outta his senior year and he still changed his mind right away. “Sorry, I can’t leave the guys babe. We’ll do it tomorrow night.” Needless to say, you know how it ended.

In a town like Hollywood, where every 2 bit skank is jonesin’ to hook up with a screen idol, this guy is still single. So can you imagine what a feeble little f&ck he really must be???

One more chance to guess. Good luck.

Friday, October 07, 2005
Update (2/6/10):
reveal 1


They seem like the perfect couple. Sugar sweet smiles wrapped in all-American charm. What’s not to love? But, as you would expect, even the purest of relationships end up going to hell in Hollywood. And while it’s true that we must each take at least half of the responsibility for our relationships woes, I can tell you without a doubt that in this case, it’s like 99% her fault.

The problem? How about an unhealthy dependency? What started out as a happy diet has now become a 3rd party in their lives. He’s been patient and he’s been kind. But he’s also getting tired. And he’s delivered an ultimatum. She’s got 6 months to wash it all out.

So now gossips. You tell me. Who’s happy?

Send me your guess. One guess. And sorry, no clues for this one due to the sensitive, legal smackdown nature of the item. Good luck.

Monday, October 10, 2005

The happy problem

Still trying to reply to all your guesses but here's an additional clue for you to chew on:

Happiness is fleeting and there is ALWAYS down time. Poor girl. Down time for her means epic hysteria. We are talking insufferable, off the wall tantrums. So far, she's been able to hold it together professionally. But when the camera stops rolling, she locks herself in her trailer, sobbing, trembling, raging…and only 2 people can soothe her: Her loving other half and someone less respectable.

There - one more guess before she's closed… good luck.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Update (5/7/08):
clue 1
clue 2


A bonus blind from me to you as a token of my appreciation for only putting out 2 columns this week. Enjoy!
She's an aging superstar, probably well past the pinnacle of her success. And while she still has potential, she can't seem to accept her age. In her mind, the mature face just doesn't work as well as the younger one. So, as most stars do, she went for an enhancement. Several enhancements actually. Which did not go over well at all. But even though everyone keeps urging her to let her natural older beauty take over and even though she knows they're right, she's having a hard time controlling her self improvement urges. Sad thing is - her obsession is slowly isolating her from everyone in her life. Looks like the notorious Cat Woman (Jocelyn Wildenstein) isn't the only one addicted to her plastic surgeon…

And it's NOT Melanie Griffith.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Denial: Melanie Griffith

The happy girl blind item is now closed. Sorry – but we gotta move on.

He’s made some mistakes in the last couple of years and he has suffered the consequences. Despite all this, it didn’t seem like he was going to slow down… until perhaps just recently. You see, he is insatiable and while I personally don’t understand his appeal, this guy has no trouble gettin’ some. And he has gotten a LOT, over and over and over again.

Two weeks ago he was hangin’ out at a bar/lounge when a new inspiration caught his eye. As usual, he had her where he wanted her without much effort. One thing led to another, they left, they found some privacy, and they were about to really get going when he realized – how cliché, I know – that the “she” was not really a “she”, just a much better looking tranny than Celine Dion…and it just so happens that our guy is one of the few people left in town who really doesn’t switch at all. A few awkward moments later, he was alone again, and hasn’t picked up since.

Who is he? One guess. No clues. Good luck.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

His Celine experience continued


Still determined to find meaning in his life after his rather jarring tranny encounter, our man is trying out some new hobbies and cutting out some bad habits. The problem is - being good is boring when you're a movie star. And for someone who has precious few friends, this kind of life can get pretty lonely. Thank Goddess for the Internet and the wicked ways we can communicate electronically. Needless to say, his laptop is his new best friend. And since some say he has a way with words, there are many, many cyber sluts out there who've been getting lucky of late.

Last clue: it's not Charlie Sheen. I'm shutting him down on the weekend so you have one more guess. Good luck.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Update (5/6/08):
denial: Charlie Sheen


We’ve been lamenting his relationship for a long time. He deserves so much more, doncha think? Well, it would appear that he’s not as deaf, dumb or as blind as we thought. Because when she’s away, he’s got a steady cycle of extras willing to fill the void. We are talking gorgeous honeys, eager to please, at any time of day or night, they are there at the snap of his fingers – even for literally 5 minutes when some technical adjustments need to be made on the set. These service girls are so devoted that they don’t miss a beat, even during unscheduled interruptions.

Last week, while our man is getting is his quickie special with a lovely companion on her knees, his cell phone went off with “her” calling to check in. Needless to say, he displayed some superior acting skills, even gained some brownie points before deftly extricating himself from the conversation – all while enjoying the pleasures down below.

You know the drill. One guess. Good luck. And all the past items are now closed.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Hope Diminished


You already know he can multi-task with the best of ‘em. And of course he can lie like nobody’s business. But did you also know that he can justify himself out of a paper bag? Apparently, straight up fellating doesn’t count as infidelity. Which is how he can speak to his other half without a trace of guilt. Unfortunately for us, it turns out he’s also quite content with these arrangements. And who can blame him? So I’m sorry to have to give you this latebreaking update: He and his lady are staying together for now. Yet another reason to mourn.

One more guess. Good luck.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Hope Glimmers


Latebreaking news this afternoon - there is cause for optimism.

Apparently our man's reach is getting quite ambitious and his flings are starting to talk…to each other. Interestingly enough, they have united against a common enemy: the significant other. Cue a few a strategically placed moans while he's on the phone and a longing glance or two in the presence of well known blabbermouths and yes, you guessed it... His official woman has her suspicions. And it is getting ugly!

As always, I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Update (7/11/08):

More about Fergie & Josh Duhamel
She can't finish
Drugs, drugs everywhere



She reigns supreme in her own circle, an easy target among the rest…and probably deservedly so. Given the year she’s had, one would expect her to have learned from her mistakes, and focus more on her talent than her other titillating physical features. However, our girl is truly a daughter of the business, and I suppose in this town, it’s never a bad thing to start early. Which is why she’s no virgin to surgical enhancement, several times over.

A curious thing happened recently though. She went back to her usual doctor and all of a sudden he grew a conscience, refusing to perform some routine maintenance work around the face. (eyes, lips, and neck if you’re interested) As you can imagine, she completely lost it. “How do expect me to do my job??? Can’t you see I look tired? Can’t you see how they’re photographing me???” But he still wouldn’t budge. And so she cried a few tears, called some friends, got a brand new referral, and was back in a new chair in 2 days. Hollywood is nothing if not an efficient town.

One guess. Good luck.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Ethical Consequences


The problem with the new doc is that his work isn't of the same standard. Which is why some astute watchers have already seen the difference. I personally think the recent enhancements look good. No, they're not entirely subtle, but given what I've seen in the past, I'd say it ain't half bad.

One more guess. You have until Thursday, and then I'm packin' her in.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Update (3/1/08):


The past blind items are now all closed. Please forgive me but if we don’t move on, I won’t be able to keep up with your guesses. And seeing how many of you try to sneak in more than one try, I’m need to stay on top of the pile. Sorry smutters. I hope you’ll understand.

Here’s the next installment.

Remember when we talked about Dealbreakers? http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleList.aspx?ID=2577

Looks like I’m not the only one who has issues with oversensitivity….

He has had his fair share of past success. And he has been through the love chain several times. But in spite of his ordinary good looks and his sense of humour, our subject has never been able to hold on to a long term relationship.

However, unlike his Hollywood contemporaries, it isn’t philandering and slutting that has led to his poor track record. It’s actually his emotional tendencies that drive the ladies away.

Take his last girlfriend for example. It started harmlessly enough with long, profound, therapeutic conversations that lasted all night. She thought it was refreshing that a dude could talk about his feelings for so long without being distracted by other more immature pursuits. But then the lengthy discussions escalated into everyday lengthy discussions and these resulted in lengthy letters and even lengthier emails. And then, instead of going out to party, “holding each other” all night became the norm.

She was alarmed but not enough to bolt. After all, she thought to herself, most celebrities have their quirks…right? And so she stuck with it. Until that fateful night. His birthday, when they celebrated privately and then capped it off with what she thought was a standard session of lovemaking. Except that afterwards he claimed that he was so moved by their connection that He.

Actually.Started.Weeping. And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what happened next. She was outta there within a couple of weeks.

I’m telling you. Sensitivity is really overrated. Let’s hope he’s figured this out by now. Otherwise his current romantic entanglement is not going to last very long.

One guess only. You have til Thursday. Good luck.

Sunday, November 06, 2005


If you missed Part 1 of this blind item, catch up here before taking a look at the 2nd clue.

So you know about the sensitivity problems. And you also know why he got dumped. But would it surprise you to learn that he's not above burning an 'our songs' cd just to get her back? Complete with a written description of why each song was selected and the emotions that were brought to the surface when he listened to them??? Delivered in a handbound diary??? Sure…some of you might consider this sweet and endearing. Needless to say, the girlfriend didn't. She let him down lightly and had to endure more tears and more endless soliloquies about feelings and emptiness and blah blah blah. But after about a week, he sought support elsewhere, and I'm happy to tell you she's finally cut the cord.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Update (3/18/08):
reveal 1
reveal 2



All previous blind items are closed, but as you read last week, pay attention. At one point or another, I always spill it somewhere else.

As you know from previous teaser subjects, sleeping with a member of the crew isn’t exactly a rare occurrence. Begging for it like our skank bitch did last week is probably unique. But trust me when I tell you, mingling with the commoners is actually par for the dance floor. Which is what this superstar did a couple of years ago on the set of one of her biggest vehicles. He was her booty call, her go to guy. And he was smitten, totally thought it would last past filming, until he found out afterwards that she was doin’ 2 other dudes simultaneously. Damn. That’s quite an appetite.

However, one should never forget their down home manners, which is why she compensates for her promiscuity by lavishing this ex boytoy with $1,000 worth of clothing every Christmas, as a thank you for past services rendered. And now that she’s free to roam, perhaps she’ll renew their previous dalliance. I’ll keep you posted.

One guess for this one, but there won’t be a follow up clue. And there are A LOT of hints in this one. So use them wisely.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Update (1/30/08):


Last Friday, some key movers and shakers in attendance, including Jen, Vince, Courteney, Matthew Perry, Kate Hudson, Lance & Sheryl, and the embattled Winona Ryder. According to my eyewitness, 'Jennifer Aniston actually looks better in person.' She arrived with CC and Vince came separately, although they hardly behaved like the hot and heavy couple we've been led to believe they are. Apparently Vince's manners also need some massaging - not exactly polite with the help, if you get my drift.
Sheryl Crow is very beautiful in real life. And I suppose I could see that, if I could get past the godawful clothes she always wears. As for Matthew Perry? Major weight loss - considering that people who saw him in Calgary a couple of months ago described him as 'porky'. Also chainsmoking up a storm, which leads us to wonder - is he off the wagon??? Matt spent a lot of time talking to a bevy of girls, including Kate Hudson, who is also very very thin, and who also didn't stop smoking, like ever. Just goes to show you - she might not have an eating disorder but that certainly doesn't mean she doesn't partake in the ciggies and more diet.
And finally, Ryan Seacrest was apparently present for the cake toast and he got up on the mike and started singing Happy Birthday and people were 'snickering'. I guess even celebrities feel the same way about him as we do. Oh sh*t. Does that mean I've just invited a jihad of teenybopper hate on my Chinese ass? Alright young 'uns…bring it. Let's see how freaky demented you are capable of getting over your maybe gaybe American idol.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Testosterone Tantrums

You think diva behaviour is restricted to chicks? Amateur assumption, right? Especially when it comes to this dude, allegedly tough on the outside, but a screaming beeotch on the inside.
We’re on the set of a recent project. He’s taking a break from a long day of shooting. He’s tired, he’s cranky. He needs to rest. Which is fine. Nothing new in the world of acting. But then came the whining:

“I need a nap! I want to take a nap!” accompanied by foot stomping and baby-like air expulsions accessorized by a lot of head rubbing and even a little bottom lip tremble.

His assistant had to calm him down, rub his back, and make him a hot cup of tea to right the ship before the little outburst came to an end.

The next episode involved a belt. Somehow the one he liked went missing.

“Where’s my belt! I want my belt. Wah. Wah. I need that belt. Where is it? Someone has to find it!!!” At which point his assistant handed him a very similar belt so that he could get back to the set where everyone was waiting. This apparently wasn’t good enough. He hurled the replacement across out the window like a petulant 5 year old and declared, “if I don’t have that belt, I’m not going out there. I don’t care how much it costs them! Find me that belt!” 90 minutes later, they unearthed the belt and we all went back to work. But everyone, everyone heard his wailing, and for all those who were lucky to witness it, there is no way now that they’ll ever believe it when they see him as a so called bad ass ever again.

One guess. Good luck.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

More testosterone tantrums

Every day on the set, craft services delivers a meal to our tempestuous star in his trailer. He likes turkey sandwiches to help him stay lean and a salad with some low fat cheese and as a special treat, he asks for 3 1/2 cookies. Not 3. Not 4. But 3 1/2. Cut perfectly in half. Last week, the caterer preparing his lunch box was in a rush due to the fact that the power feed coming in to the truck had been mistakenly cut. She was rushing all preparations to make sure the food wouldn't go bad, and in her hasty state, she was unable to find a clean knife. Thinking that it wouldn't be a big deal just this once, she threw 4 cookies into the tray and had it delivered to the action hero.

Ten minutes later, she received a visit from his personal assistant with a stern warning about the 1/2 cookie mistake. 'Mr. X wants 3 1/2 cookies. If you can't make this happen we are going to have to find another place to get our food. Do you understand?' Half a cookie, gossips. HALF A COOKIE! I know this sounds ridiculous. And it is. But are you really that surprised???
One more guess. Good luck.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Update (8/23/16):
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3


You know what they say - the couple that plays together, stays together. Which is exactly what these two do. Or did. They have had their fair share of games. 'Happy' games. But some time last year, they decided to get clean. Together. And luckily for them, they did it. Clean, sober, and a bit heavier. The problem is that he's become obsessed with his looks. He feels chubby, he feels old, he feels threatened by the new guard, and so naturally, he sought professional help. Some Botox here, some Botox there, a little pull here, and a little pull there…and the results - in his mind anyway - are fabulous. But doing it all alone is no fun, which is why he's been trying to convince his wife to participate. Unfortunately, she's not as in to it as he is. And this difference of opinion is starting to fracture the relationship. We're nowhere near Code Red just yet…but stay tuned…

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Update (5/8/08):
clue 1
clue 2
clue 3


And it's not Sheryl Crow, Oprah Winfrey, or Gwen Stefani. One more guess. Good luck.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

It's not Lindsay Lohan, or Drew Barrymore, or Mary Kate Olsen. One more guess. Good luck.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Underworld 2 comes out in January and Kate and her director husband Len Wiseman are just beginning their month long press tour to promote the movie. Here they are at some comic book convention, per JJB, looking very much in love and together and happy. Glad to see Len's sticking to directorial advice only these days, as opposed to giving tips in other areas that can go horribly wrong. Still, when it comes to Kate Beckinsale, I could honestly care less. For starters, I don't know why someone so young looks so plastic already. It's weird. And I'm told she's also pretty dense. Someone who once worked with her described her to me like this: 'think Jessica Simpson with an English accent - but even dumber.' Just thought you should know.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Hi Lainey, my cousin told me about your website last week and I just wasted 3 hours of study time on your archives! I am sure that the woman who dumps cigarette ashes everywhere is Catherine Zeta Jones.

Dear Jane:

It's not Zeta. This lucky lady has a husband who is much younger, with fewer wrinkles but who is also much less celebrated in his own profession. I'm not saying he's a total loser. But his wins come few and far between. And thank Goddess they don't have children. Can you imagine the kind of germs a toddler would be picking up???

Sunday, December 18, 2005


G'day Lainey, Just want to say thanks for the always-entertaining emails - you got the good goss going on! But can I ask you a favor? Can you try and find some goss on Benicio Del Toro. I know he flies under the radar at the best of times, but it's been a long, dry haul for Beni fans with not much in the way of news and/or photos. What can you dig up, girl? I'm counting on you.

Dear Cos:

Like everyone else out there, the only thing I know of on the professional front regarding your Benny is that he's still in pre-production with Steven Soderberg on a film about Che Guevera, in which Del Toro will play the title character. However, since you might be new to my site, you might want to peruse the archives looking for certain expert-related blind items. Because when Benicio isn't hard at work, he's hard at other things. Good luck!

Sunday, December 18, 2005


This is my first guess at a blind item, because I usually haven't got a clue (although I appreciate the clues your drop after items are closed...). For this small secret, however, I would like to guess it's JD Fortune. Even if I'm wrong (because he can't be the only one right?), I do have it on good authority that he falls into this unfortunate category, for the record.

Keep up the smut!

Dear AG:

You have it on good authority, I have it on good authority, and apparently half of Canada and Australia has it on good authority too. Not surprising though. I mean, it's always the drummer that hangs all the way down to the ground in a rock band, isn't it???

Sunday, December 18, 2005


Still don’t think my sources are right on? Take a look at Anna Kournikova from the GM event the other day. Do those look like healthy arms to you? Does this look like the same athletic girl who pretended to be a tennis player? Take a look at that jaw. You know what my friend Dr. Beth calls this kind of jaw? It’s a bulimic jaw, y’all. The kind of jaw that protrudes and gets pointy on the corners from too much throwing up. For further reference, please see Renee Zellweger.

Trust me, gossips. Compare and contrast. Anna didn’t always look like this. In fact, she used to have a cute little doughy face – young and fresh, not stunning, but easy on the eyes and definitely on the male straight loins. And her body was legendary. Lithe and still curvy, great ass, strong, slim thighs…it was a perfect physique. But like so many before her, Anna has succumbed to the celebrity skinny demon. And I can guarantee you Enrique isn’t happy about it. Something tells me the less one eats, the less one f&cks. Now what kind of Latin red hot lover would be satisfied with that???

Thursday, March 02, 2006


It's not Hilary Duff, Kate Hudson, or Mischa Barton.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Is Growing Concern about Lindsay Lohan?

Dear Carla:

It's not Lindsay. Lindsay actually has a job. And isn't bad at it. Whereas this girl had a job, sucked at it, and can only manage pin up calendars that have nothing to do with her so-called profession in the first place!

Sunday, December 18, 2005


Sure, she's terrible at what she does but there's also another reason why she's been so invisible. I hear we are days away from an intervention. What was once a glorious physique has become a bag of bones and sunken cheeks. Why??? Same sad reason, I'm afraid. The poor girl doesn't eat and while we're not at 911 status just yet her friends and family are growing increasingly concerned. Especially her man, who is not only worried, he's also horny. Seems her sex drive disappeared along with her appetite.

One guess...good luck.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Update (7/24/08):
denial 1: Lindsay Lohan
denial 2: Kate Hudson, Hilary Duff & Mischa Barton
reveal 1
reveal 2


Uh oh. I can hear the screeching already. Let me explain. Do I think he's ugly in a Donatella way? Of course not. Underneath the beard and the bloat, I have no doubt he's a total hottie. But that just makes it worse. A clean cut Scott Speedman could certainly be considered Freebie material - not my type but hey, I wouldn't cringe if he was on yours. A hirsute Scott Speedman, however, is an entirely different matter. Because a hirsute Scoot Speedman reminds me of a Baldwin. Can't remember which one. Does it matter??? The bottom line is it's never a compliment to resemble a Baldwin. Dear Scott. Please shave. Thank you.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006