"Bad Hair and Bug-Eyed," it's not...

Friday, July 25, 2008
PPPS. RDJ isn’t the loser with bad hair and bug-eyes. Also not Jude Law…a guess that totally makes my life. That Jude Law is automatically associated with sh*tty hair and too much blow. Hee.
Friday, July 25, 2008
PPS. Commitment crisis is not about Katie and Peter. Ew. Also not Gwyneth and Chris. What?!?!

"There's growing concern" revealed again


Smutty Tingle

Goodbye Enriquehello food? (Hollywood Tuna)

Thursday, July 24, 2008 at 7:32 AM

Brendan Fraser Has No Friends

Because If he had friends, true friends, they would tell him straight up – dude, don’t fight it man. Just go bald.

Clearly Brendan has no friends. And he no longer has a wife either. Maybe that’s why he’s trying to save his manhood by faking his hair. Or maybe this is what prompted her to leave. I’d seriously consider doing the same if I woke up one morning to the hair plugs from hell in my bed.

Not only is it horror to look at, it also implies the kind of desperate vanity that is always, every time, an instant quiveration killer. When a man is clinging, clinging to every last vestige of youthful hotness he might have had (questionable in Brendan’s case anyway) instead of taking a more chill approach to aging: whatever happens, I’m good with it.

Isn’t that so much sexier? At the very least, isn’t it sexier than what he’s rockin’ now?

This is Brendan at Showest yesterday.

I feel itchy just looking at his head. And frightened looking at whatever peels and treatments he’s applied to his face.

He’s like an Asian baby now. My people, our hair grows UP, you see. Not out but UP. Spiky and straight. And we’re not a hairy lot either. Which is why we so rarely look good in short hair. Girls I mean.

The difference between Brendan and an Asian baby of course is that an Asian baby is a baby. And babies are cute.

Asian babies are not grown men well into their 30s with an inch of scalp in between transplanted follicles. F*ck. Ew! Stop raping my eyes!

Friday, March 14, 2008 at 9:24 AM

Seriously…this is a miracle. Nothing short of astounding. Because not too long ago, Brendan Fraser was grasping at wisps. Literally. Back in April, he looked like a newborn manchild with the plugs freshly installed and some kind of microderm abrasion peeling several years off his face.

Now just six months later, it’s like Brendan never left the Cave. Here he is all young and trying to be hot again for the colossal waste of money better known as The Mummy 3.

I’m telling you… Brendan needs to hook up Jude Law up with his hair specialist, non?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM

Which actor has been much too egotistical and much too energetic on press tour recently? Let’s start with the ego first:

He’s not exactly Brad Pitt or the GMD on fame terms and still he travels with a crazy security team and insists on sweeping every location before he will enter. Who the f&ck are you??? Even his own management is snickering at his grossly exaggerated sense of entitlement – hit movies don’t necessarily equate to international superstardom, and while his box office might be lucrative, his celebrity status is decidedly modest.

Still…he insists on super stealth, secret service style maneuvers, and has hilariously mandated that while in public he be referred to by “code name” only. It becomes even funnier when the newly single megalomaniac happens upon an attractive woman. The woman is hustled through stairwells and hallways before their tryst – a procedure so elaborate that last week, his chosen partner for the evening ended up so rattled by the time she arrived at his room, she was no longer in the mood to participate.

And his paranoia is getting worse. It started out as a quirk - several weeks ago he was enthusiastic and perhaps a little particular, but not a paranoid freak. A little blow here and there for extra energy though has become more of a habit and he is getting CRANKED at work. To the point where more than a few journalists have remarked about his over-animated behaviour, as a timid reporter from Asia was frightened and confused during an interview when he became angry at her for refusing to sing karaoke with him. Sorry…I’m a bitch. I had to laugh about that.

Be thankful, dude, for a good publicity team. And for the fact that at the end of the day, it’s really only you.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 at 8:22 AM

Update (8/8/08):
clue 1
clue 2
denial 1: Robert Downey Jr & Jude Law
denial 2: Shia LaBeouf & Joaquin Phoenix
denial 3: Mike Meyers & Jonathan Rhys Meyers
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3

Thursday, July 24, 2008
PS. Sean Penn’s commitment is not in crisis.

"Commitment Crisis?" it's not...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

PS. Will & Jada’s commitment is not in crisis. Also not Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick.


"Another on the Verge" revealed yet again


Sienna Miller is an easy target, and deservedly so. She’s Tori Spelling, only not f&cking ugly. And not the daughter of a Hollywood gazillionaire. Where culpability is concerned however, he’s the one with 4 kids – the youngest only 10 months old.

So Sienna’s douchebaggery pales in comparison to Balthazar Getty’s. Like KFed Jr, he walked out on his children. Like KFed Jr, he abandoned his babies, although after paps captured him and his new lover licking each other all over Italy last week, Balty is now claiming he and his wife had already been separated:

In light of the fact that many pictures have surfaced in print and on the Internet which has caused myself and my family great embarrassment, I felt it necessary to at least acknowledge publicly that yes indeed my wife and I have separated and I will not be commenting any further. The breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience especially when children are involved.



He didn’t look very pained when he was sucking on Sienna’s nipple. Just sayin’.

And to pile sh*t on top of sh*t...Balthazar was once a drug addict and Sienna has been on the verge of a dangerous party lifestyle for far too long. There is some worry that their excesses, when combined, could have dangerous results. Or that when she tires of him, and she will, his sudden sobering reality might be too much to manage.

If you care, click here for photos of Sienna and Balthazar frolicking and fondling in Italy.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 7:18 AM

Smutty Shout-Out

For Gina - Happy Birthday! LA says you’re brilliant at the riddles. A clue gift in honour of your 40th? It’s not Balthazar Getty. Also not Ione Skye.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 6:21 AM
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
PS.Gwen and Gavin’s commitment is not in crisis.

But what about Ashanti? Nelly’s numbers no longer working? (Holy Moly UK)

Monday, July 21, 2008 at 10:56 AM

"Two Boys in the City" Boy #2 reveal


Hayden Christensen was in LA this weekend with girlfriend Rachel Bilson – seen here running errands. Hayden hasn’t worked in a while. And since he’s also trying to break out of the box of teen pop appeal, like so many of his pretty boy peers, Hayden is hiding his pretty by working out the hirsute. The bad news is, it doesn’t mean he’ll be the next Christian Bale. The good news? Hayden has more whiskers than Three Whiskers Orly Bloom. And he just might be skinnier. I could never with a boyman whose legs were skinnier than mine. It’s a good thing he’s with the diminutive Rachel.

As for that always lingering gay question, to the chagrin of his crazy ass superfans (comparable to the McGoslings but not quite as insane as the Brangelunatics)…trust. Hayden is not a homo. He’s just really really pretty.

Like Chace Crawford, Gossip Boy, who left the city briefly this weekend and headed for the Hamptons to host Opening Day of The Mercedes-Benz Bridgehampton Polo Challenge. With his flat ironed hair gently tousled and those sweet baby blues and even a day old stubble, Chace will never be able to hide his pretty, even if he’s hiding something else.

Monday, July 21, 2008 at 11:55 AM

Keith Urban: The Non-Marital Affair?

That's the story according to this week's issue of The National Enquirer. And before you snort with disbelief, which I can understand, please remember they're making an impressive surge these days, with 2 huge coups of late including breaking the Farrah Fawcett cancer story last week and being the first before all major outlets to report on the Grey's Anatomy drama this past Monday.

Not bad, better than Life & Style, and therefore not to be overlooked, especially since the Kidman/Urban fameseeking nuptials haven't exactly conjured an air of authenticity.

So here's the dirt: according to the magazine, Keith cheated on Nicole 'during an unofficial bachelor party' with a porn star in March. It went down in Los Angeles, the woman told all her friends, one friend told the Enquirer, and even passed a lie detector test. I know, I know…it's the fucking dirtiest tabloid trash ever - do you LOVE it???

Other highlights? It started off with a 3 girl striptease which was narrowed to one, Keith propositioned his favourite, they snuck away, and they spent the next 3 hours discovering each other - in case you're wondering, she said he was 'sensational'

But still…Keith Urban would never, ever, ever cheat on Nicole Kidman, right? After all, in recent interviews he *says* he's found The One! His lobster, his Frozen Forever, his True Blue Blonde - what's to question, what's to doubt?

Here they are, new photos supposedly taken this week, after several weeks without pics, someone from Nashville told me this morning, 'ya'll must think we walk around with pho-togs around but we don't. But they always know where those two are!'

Hmmm…ain't that the truth. And ain't that convenient too.

Anyway, I'm told Nicole flew in for some quality time and a photo opp or two, and then flew away again very recently - to Rome for the premiere of Fur - withOUT Keith who is staying at home, getting ready for the release of his new album which, some say, has a decidely rock 'n' roll flavour. Is someone's jock getting too big for Country?

Thanks to Claudia for the pics...

Friday, October 13, 2006


On Keith, on career, on Mrs Urban

No…the REAL Mrs Urban - as in his mother.

Finally a peep from Nashville and since it's now October, can we all agree Nicole Kidman is NOT pregnant? Can we also all agree that Nicole Kidman really wanted you to *think* that she was pregnant? I'll spare you the gloat but I'm telling you - never was there a more public engagement, a more public wedding, and a more public invitation to baby speculation…unless you count every move of the Cruise, but I guess that's no coincidence either, is it?

Still…for a while there, since Nicole really is so bloody talented, I declared pro-love for the Kidmans. The affectionate Nashville romantic promenades timed perfectly for the arrival of the pappies, the visits to the gym, shopping at Target for a Swiffer in a Bentley - heady from the fumes of their wonderfully played fraud, I said A for effort…sure, why not?

But every honeymoon comes to an end, even the Hollywood ones, and back in Country Music reality, things aren't sounding so good, at least not according to those watching closely. New rumours have surfaced around town that Keith's mother doesn't like Keith's wife, doesn't like the 'media circus' and the new level of scrutiny brought on by his marriage. Nashville spies say she's around a lot when Nicole is out of town, like a few days ago when Nicole was in London, but stays away when Nicole returns - and this is a woman who was gifted with her own tour bus pre-Freeze.

Having said that, the parental Urbans are supposedly also fully aware of the arrangements and have allegedly been recruited to do their parts for photo opps when summoned, hence the various 'family hike' pics you've seen dotting the Kidman/Urban romantic landscape - according to Nashville spies something Mama has objected to in the past, quite vocally I'm told, to the point of, so they say, a loud argument with Keith about a month before the original wedding date in March, and overheard by members of his entourage. In Nicole's defence though - who hasn't had to deal with an overbearing Mother in Law? Besides, that's not her biggest problem.

Keith's new record - inspired by their love - drops in less than a month. Many Nashville insiders report 'it's not his best work', unimpressed by the effort, unimpressed by what's been called a new 'air' about him, 'too busy playing star for the media instead of an artist creating an art form he claims is like breathing to him'. It's an attitude some fans are protesting, after what's being called a dismal performance in Atlanta few days ago during which he arrived almost an hour late and then only played for a short 70 minutes much to the disappointment of his followers, which is why everyone is predicting a CMA Entertainer of the Year win for Kenny Chesney, unless Nicole decides to 'buy it for him for his birthday'.Hee.

However, it's not all bad news. The first single off the album has been doing well, something attributed to the increase in exposure generated after becoming Nicole's husband. Encouraged by these results, observers speculate the new strategy around his career has been to ease out of the Country Box and reach beyond, with the intent to ride out his existing music contracts and then go in another direction. Word is he's been advised by her people to limit accessibility, a trademark of the Country genre to be sure, but definitely not the approach of Oscar winners and A list Hollywood movers and shakers who keep a measured distance between their own fabulousness and their fans.

Apparently he seems to be heeding her counsel, burying his fanbase under 6 feet of bullsh*t and Botox - a small price to pay I suppose for super mega-stardom, savvy?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Monday, July 21, 2008
PS. There is no crisis in JLo’s commitment.

Vin Diesel has a girlfriend?!? Vin Diesel had a baby?!?

Even more shocking… there are people who actually STILL care? Amazingly enough, yes…though these days it’s fewer and fewer. This is why he has to make yet another Fast and Furious movie. But if Ebola Paris Hilton can have fans, I suppose Vin Diesel can have fans too. On the subject of Ebola, quick aside… I received an email yesterday from one of her most ardent supporters, Jessica M, who wrote the following. You’ll need to sit down for this:

Pretty much everything you post about lovely Paris Hilton is false. "Desperate to get pregrant," complete empty talk. the fact is that your sources are fake and always have been. you just want to believe what is wrong, and unfortunately, you manage to fool a lot of people... You must be so proud of yourself, but all for you wrong and perverted reasons. It even is shocking that a hideous and obnoxious "expert" is still allowed to be shown on TV.

This is our world, gossips. In this world, there are actually people who would use the word LOVELY to describe the Ebola Virus. Can you f&cking stand it?

Anyway…back to Vin.

So Vin is now father to a baby girl – his baby mother is a model called Paloma Jimenez. Poor woman not only has to cut his sandwiches just so, she now has to satisfy what will likely be a set of outrageous demands for his child.

Hopefully the little girl takes after her mom. Because I’ve always thought Vin Diesel looks like Shrek.

Friday, June 06, 2008 at 7:57 AM