"No Looking, No Talking, No Breathing," it's not...

Friday, February 29, 2008
PPS. No Looking, Talking, Breathing is not Paula Abdul. Also not Alicia Keys.
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Friday, February 29, 2008
PS. Just to make it super, super clear for those who skim the site (for shame!) Eggs in Public was revealed yesterday. Yes. Yes it was.
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Charlie_Sheen_His_Celine_experience_continued.aspx

Last clue: it's not Charlie Sheen. I'm shutting him down on the weekend so you have one more guess. Good luck.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


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"No Looking, No Talking, No Breathing," it's not

Thursday, February 28, 2008

PPPS. Whitney Houston is not the crazy bitch who won't let you look at her. Nor is it Erykah Badu. Or Jessica Simpson.
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Thursday, February 28, 2008

PPS. Vin Diesel might be gay and broke - otherwise why would he be shooting Fast & Furious the fourth instalment??? – but he’s not the gay you’re looking for.
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
PS. Yes. Calista and Harrison.
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The Rich Wretch Too!

http://www.laineygossip.com/The_Rich_Wretch_Too.aspx

Who was in Toronto the other night, attempting to dance while her ex BFF’s ex fiancé worked the tables, and ended up spending half the night in the staff toilet drunk off her tree wretching her face off, irritating employees and sending them scurrying for disinfectant and antibiotics for fear of viral contamination?

It IS who you think it is.

Friday, September 07, 2007 at 7:15 AM


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http://www.laineygossip.com/Ben_Affleck_Jimmy_Kimmel_video.aspx

Have received emails from many of you re: Ben Affleck’s absence at the Oscars but there really is nothing smutty to report. And even if there was, do you really think Taupe would let that go? Since marrying Ben and birthing Violet, ingratiating herself to the Mommy Majority, Jennifer Garner’s career is hotter than ever. You really think she’d kill that illusion and jeopardise her newfound status??? This girl is as cunning at Katherine Heigl and Jennifer Aniston. Don't let the dimples fool you.

As for why Ben did not show up to support Casey and Juno – my sources say the rationale is actually kinda sweet.

First, he did not want to upstage his brother. It was Casey’s night as the nominee and it’s not ego to acknowledge that when it comes to media interest, Ben and Jen would upstage Casey and Summer every time.

Next, it’s been 10 years since Ben and Matt won for Good Will Hunting. Matt wasn’t there. Am told that Ben felt it just wouldn’t be right going back this year without his BFF. Awwww…

Instead, he chose to honour his BFF with Jimmy Kimmel. I’ve seen the video (thanks for all your messages), I love the video, just as much as I love the original – Sarah Silverman’s I’m F&cking Matt Damon.

This time it’s Jimmy’s revenge: he’s f&cking Ben Affleck with the help of a super star-studded cast in an homage to We Are The World. Hilarious. Especially Josh Groban who I normally cannot bear. But as soon as he started taking the piss out of his own piano opera boy image, it was all good. Harrison Ford was a nice touch too. Why have babies when you can dick around with Jimmy and Ben?

If on the off chance you still haven’t seen it, click here for the Kimmel clip Kimmel clip. It’s actually worth at least 2 views.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 7:28 AM
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PPS. Diva bitch at the photo shoot is not Katherine Heigl, not Jennifer Lopez, not Madonna.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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PPPS. Eva Longoria is not arguing about her eggs in public.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Ralph_Fiennes_The_Daily_Horny_Bastard_Ralph_Fiennes.aspx

Dude is out of control…and I LOVE it!

First the mile high invitation, then the naked yoga details, now it’s naked swimming in Belgium with a pool-full of young women… four lasses to one Ralph – the man clearly has a raging libido, pervy on anyone else, but totally hot where Ralph Fiennes is concerned.

And why is that? Why do some men get a Pervy Pass while others, like Nicolas Cage, don’t?

Ralph Fiennes still trumps Nicolas Cage... right?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Faith_Hill_Nicolas_Cage_preggers.aspx

So Nic Cage knocked up his mail order wife Alice and they're expecting a baby later this year. Which, if you think about it, is really just textbook...and a brilliant move on her part. At the tender age of 20, she's now quadrupled her worth, gone from waitress to Beverly Hills housewife, produced a goldmine, and will still only be in her mid-twenties when he leaves her with a rich alimony settlement in a few years. Damn. Wish I had that kind of luck when I was younger...

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
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No Looking, No Talking, No Breathing

http://laineygossip.com/No_Looking_No_Talking_No_Breathing.aspx


Diva antics are rather pedestrian these days so it takes a super bitch and her ass attitude to really push the envelope.

A photo shoot with a major artist. Much is riding on her new project. Everyone is busting their balls to make her look good. But it’s hard with these instructions:

Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her, and … don’t even breathe in her direction.

Don’t breathe in her direction!

Worse still – not sure if you know what it’s like at a photo shoot but the lighting, the set, the hair, the makeup, the equipment, it can all get pretty technical, especially for someone this important. Unfortunately, she couldn’t pose with people standing around. Girl has filled stadiums and she can’t have her photo taken with a room full of staff? Please.

So after lining up every shot, everyone but the photographer had to leave the room. Needless to say, things need tweaking from minute to minute. Literally, he would take one frame and have to call out to bring someone back in for an adjustment before moving on. Imagine – every move required another callback to have someone else run in to make a quick fix only to dash back out.

Needless to say, this extended the shoot time exponentially. And under those conditions, people are not going to be inspired to put out their best work.

Why is this such a mystery anyway? The nicer you are, the nicer you get back! Is it so hard? Is is physically difficult to be nice?

And seriously…who is she anymore anyway? She needs it more than they do. The way she’s acting though, she’ll be staring another failure straight in the face.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 9:33:36 AM

Update (10/15/08):
denial 1: Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Lopez & Madonna
denial 2: Whitney Houston, Erykah Badu & Jessica Simpson
denial 3: Paula Abdul & Alicia Keys
denial 4: Carrie Underwood
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3



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http://www.laineygossip.com/Eggs_in_Public.aspx

At an Oscar party on Sunday night, he's been drinking, she's been nagging. Turns into a huge, embarrassingly loud argument about the most personal of matters: she wants babies, he doesn't, and they proceed to yell at each other about it in front of a large audience.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 6:22 AM

Update (7/8/08):
denial: Eva Longoria
reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3

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"No More Favours" guess

http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleDetail.aspx?ID=4207

Speaking of publicity stunts…here we go again. As you can see, Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman were snapped at the beach the other day, inspiring renewed interest in a possible romance, especially since he was also photographed a few weeks ago giving her flowers on her birthday.

I can see why it would be tempting to believe this. They do make a ridiculously adorable couple, don't they? Unfortunately, I'm compelled to tell you again what I told you back then. They are friends and friends only. Because Natalie is involved in a serious relationship with Gael Garcia Bernal, with whom she shared an apartment in Toronto during the Wonder Emporium shoot. What this is, my fellow gossips, is a public ruse to throw people off the private truth, to protect her real love from prying pappies and to conveniently 'confirm' Jake's heterosexuality as well.

As for that chronic mystery - no, I still don't think he's gay. And for what it's worth, none of my sources think he's gay either. They do however think that Vince Vaughn is. But you've heard that rumour already, right?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


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