"Secrets from the BFF" revealed again


It was a week that started low, continued to build, and ended on several high notes. Well done, Huvane. He turned his sh-t around, well done indeed.

Because gone is the memory of Jennifer Aniston degrading herself at The Ivy, replaced by Jennifer Aniston’s tight ass body on 30 Rock, clad in skin-baring outfits in every scene, returning to Must See TV, and finally coming home, proving that her place, always and forever, will not be at the movies comfortable ensconced on the couch on the small screen. This is why she should stop overreaching.

There is no shame in being a TV Girl. Television is not what it once was!

And Jennifer capped off a triumphant week – a week that saw her dominate headlines, magazine covers, the Mighty Opey’s stage, and NBC – with a paparazzi party last night in New York alongside her born again boyfriend John Mayer who, largely because she has publicly stepped out in his defence, has now been rehabilitated in the eyes of the MiniVan Majority.

Amazing, non?

Womanising limpdick humiliates her at impromptu press conference and online but one soothing word to her masses and they follow like lambs: if Jennifer Aniston loves him, he must be lovable. All is forgiven. Yay for douchebags!

No doubt. She flexed her media muscles this week. And her power was impressive. Lingering effects from those hormones perhaps.

Friday, November 14, 2008 at 6:46 AM

"A Tale of Two Grooms" revealed


Just to finish off the thought from before about Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman on Oprah… those lips are now my new obsession. Specifically the lip ridge. Because whatever she’s injecting into them is causing a split on the upper half and so when she tries to move or stretch it, the swelling buckles into a ridge right down the middle. From some angles then it actually looks like she has THREE lips.


Video is below. But consider yourself warned. Major time sucker. You can lose an entire day in examining those lips.


Gran was honoured last night at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards in New York and showed off her two tone Cruella hair, and her breast feeders because, yes, she truly did give birth! She also brought along the husband who dutifully kissed her for the cameras and made Chace Crawford jealous with the superiority of his flat iron. Hair like that, for me, is a dealbreaker. Just saying.

In all fairness though, as far as freeze fright is concerned, Granny wasn’t so scary on this night. Or maybe we’re just numb to the icy landscape.

And then there’s the Rossum. While accepting her award, Nicole offered this cheese:

'Three years ago I had a wonderful career. I was getting movie offers. I had an Oscar. I had beautiful children. But there was something missing; I wasn't loved. 'A man came along and said, "Let me take you to Tennessee." There he told me, "You deserve to be loved. Let me love you." And I did. So thank you, Keith.'

Once upon a time, Keith Urban liked his women fleshy and wild. Once upon a time he’d get into a pool with Kid Rock and they’d come one after another, girl after girl, bikini after bikini, wet and skanky and ready to get dirty.

Then Australia’s princess came along and he was transformed. He saved her. And she saved him back. And they lived happily ever after.

Do you believe in fairy tales?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 6:36 AM

Gay Pilots, Androgens, and JailBait too!

Check out John Travolty tryin’ to rock the butch. And look how happy he is to be acting with pretty Jonathan Rhys Meyers in a new movie called From Paris with Love. Xenu’s main ‘mo apparently plays a spy.

There are many high end luxe spas in Paris though they may not be familiar with his massage requests… which, as legend goes, involve a man and a finger up the ass. For his sake though, hopefully they’ll oblige. He’ll need an outlet to get rid of the blue ball build up from being around JRM night and day.

And because it’s Monday, and we all need a little hilarity to get us through the work week, if you can hold back your vomit, this is the new video for the duet: Travolty and Miley on the Bolt soundtrack.

I can’t… look… away…

Thanks Marissa!

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 11:37 AM


Cheese-free and beautiful

Emily Blunt has kept a pretty low profile while hard at work on back to back features and also since breaking up with that Canadian cheese dick Michael Bublé who allegedly didn’t keep it faithful…or even legal for that matter. Allegedly.

But still the grandmothers who buy his records think he’s a sweet gentleman from the old school.


Needless to say, Emily Blunt was an overreach for the cover crooner from Canada.

Look at her. She’s amazing.

Emily attended the premiere of Defiance last night in Hollywood looking fresh and lovely and single, though that doesn’t mean she hasn’t had her share of hookups. Rumour has it there was a night with Benicio del Toro recently…who may have his issues but who is infinitely more man than the Bube.

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 7:10 AM

What could possibly be so sh-t about the lives of the stars that they routinely resort to verbally and emotionally abusing the small people?

Puffy/Diddy/ F-cktwat threw a birthday party the other night and hired a designer. The designer was given some money and a few hours and instructed to decorate just so but all white (which is so over) with roses and mirrors and other standard lounge embellishments. Unfortunately, Diddy came back and was not pleased with the creation.

"Diddy declared it dreadful and went into a major hissy fit, screaming, 'Show me the receipts!' and 'Get the money back!' to his assistant. Then he began ripping the fabric off the walls saying he hated it. He berated the poor young decorator to the point that the guy gave back $2,000 of the money he had spent."

Big farking ass! It’s a birthday party! A black president has just been elected! Was it necessary?

Of course not.

But it’s Diddy. And he’s forgotten where he came from. And the bitch is classless. And a mean mother-cker. And so it’s not surprising.

But beware the karmic payback.

Back in the China village, the old folks used to give out red money pockets on their own birthdays. You give out good luck, you get back good luck.

If these are the gifts that Diddy be dealing, needless to say, Puffsnatch is in for a world of hurt.


Monday, November 10, 2008 at 10:28 AM

Inspired casting. Really.

For years there have been totally unsubstantiated rumours that Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman was born a herm. Someone knows someone else whose doctor attended a conference and they discussed Gran’s girly boy parts and yet when it comes down to it, there is never a first hand account.

Gran is totally frozen. But Gran is not a herm.


She put her fertility on display front and centre and pillow this year to make sure you know and I know that she’s a woman through and through. Knowing this, and her incessant efforts to fight 40, and her avoidance of those women who are aging so much more naturally and beautifully than she is, it’s admirable that Granny signed on to this next project.

The film will be called The Danish Girl, the true story of an artist couple whose lives were upended when the husband decided to get a sex change.

Nicole is attached to the role of the man who becomes a woman.


Even more amazing – she’ll be starring opposite the stunning Charlize Theron, an unusual move for Granny who does not like to juxtapose herself next to living breathing females, especially since her husband seems to have a preference for them.

But Gran is above all things an artist. She will sacrifice for art. And she will work and work and work…

Nicole will be producing The Danish Girl as well –even though she claims she’s yet to hire a daytime nanny which is about as believable as her claims that she’s all natural without injections.

And finally….

Gran and Hugh Jackman are on Oprah today to promote Australia which has yet to present a final cut. Some of you are watching as I write. And a few of you have already written to tell me Gran is working super super hard to move that forehead. Now I totally have to PVR that sh-t.


Monday, November 10, 2008 at 11:55 AM

"It's easy but it's not hard" reveal #4


By popular demand, an addition to the list of candidates for this year’s People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive – if you’ve yet to read the feature handicapping the contenders, click here. Otherwise, this article means nothing.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Arguments for:

  • Is what Pip Timberlake wants to be: successfully transitioned from boy to man on screen
  • Multiple Oscar nominee and is attached to another Oscar possibility this year in Revolutionary Road, being named SMA could help his and the film’s chances
  • Super well connected, moves among the cream of the crop
  • Socially involved, especially during election season, earns him goodwill among the moms
  • Is a goodlooking guy, aside from the fact that he’s been kinda carby-faced of late from too much drinking

Arguments against:

  • Leo fought Titanic for a long, long, LONG time after it sank. He hated the Teen Beat. He avoids romantic comedies and he does not like to be sold on the basis of his appeal to women. Or young girls
  • Despite his efforts though… is he a manly man?
  • The SMA invites attention. And paps. And while Leo is a Hollywood player, he for the most part does not famewhore with photographers. Being named SMA will open the door to more gossip, more speculation, more tabloid interest…not something that fits his profile
  • He dates models. And the MiniVan is all about dudes who are down with regular girls. This is why Edward Cullen has become the panty creamer of the moment. Leo doesn’t bother with the illusion that he’d actually give a civilian the time of day

ODDS: 8 to 1

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 3:11 PM


Dear Gossips,

Thanks for your messages re: this year’s People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive prediction feature. Click here to catch up if you haven’t already. Many of you truly believe it’ll be President-Elect Barack Obama and hey, if People has the balls for it, please please yes. But don’t overestimate the People subscriber-base. After all, they probably actually think Jennifer Aniston’s visit to Ivy was anything but f-ckery.


Still… others have pointed out the oversight that is Leonardo DiCaprio. Quite right. I must be prejudiced against his limpness. Leo’s pros and cons will follow later today.

Monday – new posts throughout the day. Check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Monday, November 10, 2008