Smutty Break-Up Honourable Mention: Reese & Ryan
The sunkissed golden couple – young love, young parenthood, young success… Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe were the ultimate Hollywood fairytale. They met at her 21st birthday party – as legend goes, when she saw him she said, “well you must be my birthday present”. From that point they were inseparable, co-starring in Cruel Intentions when, during filming, Ryan famously admitted that he ran into the stairwell and threw up after shooting the scene where his character tells Reese’s that he wanted nothing to do with her.
She got pregnant, it was a shotgun wedding, Ava came along, and then so did super stardom – Legally Blonde made Reese a major player. Deacon made Reese and Ryan a quaint two kid family. But his success lagged behind. And still in his 20s, his horndog could not be tamed. Tempted by the party lifestyle, he was often seen prowling the LA club circuit acting the opposite of matrimonial.
But Reese wanted an Oscar. And even though she and her husband hadn’t been seen together for over 6 months, on the weekend that Walk the Line was released in theatres, suddenly the couple was photographed with their children running a weekend errand. Simply put – she campaigned hard. And he was expected to toe the line. Which he did grudgingly and through the rest of award season, right up to the Oscars, we observed the two of them over-the-topping their white picket love.
Remember how embarrassing he was during the Golden Globes? Remember how he tried to swallow her in front of the cameras at the afterparty?
Six months after receiving her Academy Award, they were done. And while they’ve managed to be publicly civil, while they’ve managed to refrain from warring in public, what makes this break-up particularly smutty is the fact that Ryan Phillippe is a cheating douchebag. His affair with Abbie Cornish on the set of Stop Loss made headlines immediately. Not surprisingly however, it was not his only infidelity. Turns out where fidelity was concerned, staying faithful was actually the exception.
Rampant betrayal in cities around the world, including Toronto and Vancouver, where at one point he was allegedly nailing three women who all worked at the same Cactus Club in Yaletown at the same time! Over in Toronto, it was a hostess at Lobby. And a few others in the same profession – rumour has it he would sneak away for a little afternoon action with one of them when Reese and the kids came to town to visit.
And if his philandering wasn’t enough, making it worse is that he went about it like a cheese dick. The kind of lame ass moves that will only work with naïve (or dumb) aspiring actresses who can’t see past the fame game. Am told he’d support his celebrity status with cringe-worthy overtures like cell phone poetry and long lingering looks, punctuated by protracted “sighs” of regret over his “loveless” marriage. I mean, come the f*ck on. If you need to step, at least do it in style.
Alas… it turns out Ryan’s cheating style is not unlike his dressing style. Beater tanks and greasy carb face all the time... Ryan Phillippe definitely peaked too early.
Jake Gyllenhaal on the other hand… Jakey will age well. Trust.
