"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


The Taupes arrived at the hospital today prompting speculation that Violet’s sibling is coming like right now any minute. They don’t seem all that hurried or laboured to me. But then again, what do I know of such things? As for a scheduled c-section option, because apparently this is of much interest to many of you, she delivered naturally the first time. Jennifer Garner wasn’t too posh to push. But from a thwarting paparazzi point of view, it would be clever to book a caesarian tonight when all attention will be on the star parties and everyone goes on break for New Year’s well into the weekend…

Keep you posted.

Oh yeah. And Ben’s not Cuba.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008 at 1:28 PM

Cuba & Chocolate


PS Kevin Bacon is not Cuba. Leo D is not Chocolate.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate


All smiles on a bitch night out

Alba Demon and her husband were spotted out and about yesterday no baby and then extended their free night on the town at Crown Bar and then Bardot. As you can see, she actually smiled. Jessica Alba is in good spirits.

She starts shooting The Killer Inside Me in a short few weeks alongside Casey Affleck and… she plays a prostitute, which means she’s convinced herself that – finally! – she’s found an Oscar-potential part. You know the formula: get ugly, play a whore, get slapped around… it always works. At the very least, she thinks she’ll be taken more seriously.

It’s also somewhat of a victory. She worked hard for this one, she supposedly backstabbed with ruthless determination to make it hers. There is much to celebrate. And this is why she’s so happy. Jessica Biel, not so much.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 at 7:32 AM

PS. Cuba is not Dennis Quaid. Chocolate is not Jim Carrey or Keanu Reeves this time.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate


"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS. Ewan McGregor isn’t Cuba or Chocolate.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate


"Cuba and Chocolate," it's not...


PS Cuba is not Will Smith. Chocolate is not Justin Timberlake.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS. Tim McGraw is not Cuba. Also not Liam Neeson or Denzel Washington. Josh Brolin isn’t Chocolate.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

"Chocolate" clue


George Clooney has bad taste

Look. I know that despite some rather kinky predilections, the man is almost perfect . I know you want him on the Freebie 5. But something's been holding me back, aside from the fact that he might be just a tad out of my maturity range. The thing is - I think George has really, really bad taste in women. Horrible taste. Low classy taste. Here he is the other night in NY trying to camouflage a hot date with Krista Allen. The same Krista Allen with whom he's had an on again off again thing for 5 years. The same Krista Allen who has verged on soft core porn. And Before and after and in between Krista there was Lisa Snowdon, also a horny lookin' pin up type.

Now George is a hotblooded male so hey, if he's got the flavour for a set of fake tits and some dirty dirty action once in a while - more power to him. But long term relationships with both bunnies? That’s where I get suspicious. So you have one of two choices:

A. he has cheap, low classy taste (and if that's the case, why do you love him so much?)


B. he's gay and is using the big tit, round ass, sexpot on his arm to deflect the scrutiny.

Take your pick.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

PS. Russell Crowe is not Cuba. Also not Tom Hanks. Or Rob Lowe. And Hugh Grant isn’t Chocolate.

Monday, December 22, 2008

"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS Tiger Woods is not Cuba. Josh Brolin isn’t Chocolate.

Friday, December 19, 2008

"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS. Russell Crowe is not Cuba. Daniel Craig is not Chocolate. Justin Timberlake isn’t chocolate either, but that would be amazing.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

"Bitch Wars" Bitch 1 Reveal #2


Ausiello is reporting that along with Jack Black, The Office has secured Jessica Alba for an appearance on the episode of The Office that will air immediately following the Super Bowl.

The Alba Demon is coming back to TV! Where she belongs!

Great move by her agent. And one that Shelfy Biel is too obtuse to make. Then again, Alba’s been bashing her head much longer against the brick wall of the film community without success. Give the other Jessica another year of two of sucking sh-t …maybe her agent will get the picture too.

Here’s the Alba Bitch at a Christmas party the other day trying to obscure her beauty. She only takes her clothes off and gets pretty when you pay her.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 5:23 PM

PS. Cuba is not Christian Bale. Chocolate is not Keith Urban. But I love that you guessed him. Heh.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

"Cuba & Chocolate," it's not...


PS. Johnny Depp is not Cuba or Chocolate – seriously, I’ve never read such panic in your emails. Also not RDJ or Jude Law or Brad Pitt. As if.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Cuba & Chocolate


Two different megastars, two different preferences, but in the end, the act is the same.

The first is a happy father, settled down and reformed, bankable and respected at the same time… a major player. Which is why it’s so important that he keeps his Cuban male lover hidden away to be enjoyed when he’s not on location. It might seem risqué, having his secret stashed so close to home and his official partner, but he’s hot and horny, and it’s not like he’s not living in a freestyling environment, although I have to tell you, this one really, really surprised me. He plays it so well. And in the end, if it wasn’t such a fraud, it totally wouldn’t matter. He is the nicest, nicest person. Kind and considerate and generous… makes me sad he’s forced to live a lie.

The other is much less attached, but just as heterosexually pressured, perhaps even more so. While he’s best known for his female pursuits, and so many females need to believe it that way, it would seem that women are not his only pleasures. When he decides he has a yearning for the other sex however, his flavour is decidedly darker. Sweet chocolate is what they call it? Yes. Black men are his weakness. On occasion, his hankering for it can get him into trouble. He was recently captivated by a fine black man working security at an event who was, unfortunately, not a homosexual. Apparently our star doesn’t have a very sophisticated gaydar because he hit up the wrong dude who did not appreciate the attention, even coming from such a powerful and coveted celebrity. He almost had his ass kicked. His people had to intervene, placate the man, pay off the man… although if he did end up getting the beat-down, he probably would have liked it. Because word is, as time goes on, he’s leaning towards picking a side. Like playing exclusively for the boys team.

Monday, December 15, 2008 at 6:49 AM

Update (03/10/15):
denial 1: Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law & Brad Pitt
denial 2: Christian Bale & Keith Urban
denial 3: Russell Crowe, Daniel Craig & Justin Timberlake

denial 4: Tiger Woods & Josh Brolin
denial 5: Russell Crowe, Tom Hanks, Rob Lowe & Hugh Grant

Cuba guess
Chocolate clue 1
denial 6: Tim McGraw, Liam Neeson, Denzel Washington & Josh Brolin

denial 7: Will Smith & Justin Timberlake
denial 8: Ewan McGregor
denial 9: Dennis Quaid, Jim Carrey & Keanu Reeves
denial 10: Kevin Bacon & Leonardo DiCaprio
denial 11: Ben Affleck
denial 12: Matthew McConaughey & Alec Baldwin

denial 13: Bruce Willis, Tobey Maguire & Forrest Whitaker

Cuba red herring (Hugh Jackman)
denial 14: Hugh Jackman
Chocolate reveal 1
Chocolate reveal 2
Chocolate reveal 3
Chocolate reveal 4
Chocolate reveal 5
Cuba reveal 1
Cuba reveal 2
Cuba reveal 3
Cuba reveal 4
Cuba reveal 5


"Because he ignores her" revealed yet again


Alone at the ballet

Actually no. Valentino was there to keep her company, so at least one gay was by her side… and a orange one at that…just not the one she was hoping for. Seriously, how fashionable is it to look as though you’re being asphyxiated?

This is Sarah Jessica Parker last night at the New York City Ballet opening in a killer short dress but no one to appreciate it.

And an update on the Sex & the City movie sequel: Kim Cattrall revealed it was happening, then SJP claimed that was premature, now she’s explaining that they’re hoping to nail everything down by February, shoot this summer, and go for a 2010 release…so basically what Kim said.

Apparently Michael Patrick King needs to decide on what the story should be. How about no story and just montage after montage of Carrie trying on clothes interspersed with random sightings of the mute Asian baby?

At least the dress porn wouldn’t be boring and contrived.

SJP also confirmed (for now) that Carrie likely won’t have babies. Then again, Carrie seemed uncomfortable talking about sex with her best friends in the last movie. Out of character decisions don’t seem to be a problem.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 at 6:51 AM

You Are Douche

This is Diddy in a new ad for his new fragrance I Am King that will be plastered in Times Square.

I Am King?

No! You Are Douche. You Are SUCK.

Oh, and it gets worse. Much worse.

When describing the ad, Diddy offered these enlightening words:

"When you see Barack Obama, you see a strong, elegant black man and when people see my ad, it's almost like that's the trend.”

Diddy = Barack Obama?

Sit the f-ck DOWN B List!

Barack Obama wouldn’t tell people not to make eye contact. Barack Obama wouldn’t tell hotel staff to kowtow in his presence and be honoured to breathe his air. Barack Obama wouldn’t make a 100 people wait during what was promised to be a live interactive interview and cancel at the last minute for no reason.

But Diddy would. And Diddy did.

And who are the f-cking idiots spending money on this sh-t?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 at 10:15 AM

"Bitch Wars" B2 revealed again


Apparently they’re about to move in to his new New York apartment together and are tentatively doing so in LA as well. This would mean making sure her remaining dog, the one that ate her 2nd dog, killing it tragically as she was negligently in the other room, will have to live in peace with Justin’s two pooches.

So Shelfy and Pips took them all for a walk today. She was kind enough to give us several views from behind. Why? Because, really, there isn’t much work ahead. She still isn’t being considered for the parts she wants. She’s still losing out on those ones to the girls who always get them. And worse still, as if Natalie Portman and Scarjo and Keira weren’t enough to contend with, she now has to worry about Anne Hathaway. Rumour has it Anne will soon be booked for something Jessica Biel has had her eye on for a long time. Am told she is livid. Look for more shenanigans to follow.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 1:33 PM

Merging the dogs

Apparently they’re about to move in to his new New York apartment together and are tentatively doing so in LA as well. This would mean making sure her remaining dog, the one that ate her 2nd dog, killing it tragically as she was negligently in the other room, will have to live in peace with Justin’s two pooches.

So Shelfy and Pips took them all for a walk today. She was kind enough to give us several views from behind. Why? Because, really, there isn’t much work ahead. She still isn’t being considered for the parts she wants. She’s still losing out on those ones to the girls who always get them. And worse still, as if Natalie Portman and Scarjo and Keira weren’t enough to contend with, she now has to worry about Anne Hathaway. Rumour has it Anne will soon be booked for something Jessica Biel has had her eye on for a long time. Am told she is livid. Look for more shenanigans to follow.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 1:33 PM

It's all about healthy eating

But isn’t it always?

Debra Messing with her “new amazing body!” graces the cover of the new issue of Self. Inside the magazine, she discusses her frustration with the tabloids over losing her baby weight and what finally led her to finding a program that worked.

Her secret?

Oh just healthy eating. That’s all. Nothing invasive. Nothing suspicious. She says it’s all about the diet. Of course it is…

"I was exhausted! I couldn't work out three hours a day and do my job as a mother and an actress. So I took the pressure off. I cut back on seeing the trainer but started eating healthier. Ultimately I'm very proud of how I dropped the weight because I think it was the healthy approach. I've finally taken ownership of my body."


Now that she has her body back, her priority now is to spend time with her husband:

"I can't tell you the last time I had a date with my husband. My ideal date with Daniel would be a spectacular meal, maybe Italian, followed by dancing. That's a New Year's resolution I'm looking forward to."


Carbs expand in your stomach. Then again, that’s what elasticity is for.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 9:49 AM

"Bitch Wars" B2 reveal


Those bangs…

Are the shits.

Does she know?

Does the Alba Demon know? That she’s not Heidi Klum? I don’t think she knows. Because we already know she has an inflated opinion of her abilities – physical and professional.

This is Jessica Alba last night at the Black Ball, hanging out with Alicia Keys and Justin Timberlake and trying to pretend she can roll in the same river of talent.

Wasn’t Jennifer Aniston’s appearance last night on 30 Rock a lesson to everyone? TV Girls belong on tv!

Speaking of TV girls, seeing the Alba Bitch now it makes sense why the Shelf Ass laid low. Or why Pippy kept them apart.

Two TV girls on one carpet? Like Kelly and Brenda but real life.

Ordinarily yes, but not on a night for the children.

Friday, November 14, 2008 at 11:24 AM

"Secrets from the BFF" revealed again


It was a week that started low, continued to build, and ended on several high notes. Well done, Huvane. He turned his sh-t around, well done indeed.

Because gone is the memory of Jennifer Aniston degrading herself at The Ivy, replaced by Jennifer Aniston’s tight ass body on 30 Rock, clad in skin-baring outfits in every scene, returning to Must See TV, and finally coming home, proving that her place, always and forever, will not be at the movies comfortable ensconced on the couch on the small screen. This is why she should stop overreaching.

There is no shame in being a TV Girl. Television is not what it once was!

And Jennifer capped off a triumphant week – a week that saw her dominate headlines, magazine covers, the Mighty Opey’s stage, and NBC – with a paparazzi party last night in New York alongside her born again boyfriend John Mayer who, largely because she has publicly stepped out in his defence, has now been rehabilitated in the eyes of the MiniVan Majority.

Amazing, non?

Womanising limpdick humiliates her at impromptu press conference and online but one soothing word to her masses and they follow like lambs: if Jennifer Aniston loves him, he must be lovable. All is forgiven. Yay for douchebags!

No doubt. She flexed her media muscles this week. And her power was impressive. Lingering effects from those hormones perhaps.

Friday, November 14, 2008 at 6:46 AM

"A Tale of Two Grooms" revealed


Just to finish off the thought from before about Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman on Oprah… those lips are now my new obsession. Specifically the lip ridge. Because whatever she’s injecting into them is causing a split on the upper half and so when she tries to move or stretch it, the swelling buckles into a ridge right down the middle. From some angles then it actually looks like she has THREE lips.


Video is below. But consider yourself warned. Major time sucker. You can lose an entire day in examining those lips.


Gran was honoured last night at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards in New York and showed off her two tone Cruella hair, and her breast feeders because, yes, she truly did give birth! She also brought along the husband who dutifully kissed her for the cameras and made Chace Crawford jealous with the superiority of his flat iron. Hair like that, for me, is a dealbreaker. Just saying.

In all fairness though, as far as freeze fright is concerned, Granny wasn’t so scary on this night. Or maybe we’re just numb to the icy landscape.

And then there’s the Rossum. While accepting her award, Nicole offered this cheese:

'Three years ago I had a wonderful career. I was getting movie offers. I had an Oscar. I had beautiful children. But there was something missing; I wasn't loved. 'A man came along and said, "Let me take you to Tennessee." There he told me, "You deserve to be loved. Let me love you." And I did. So thank you, Keith.'

Once upon a time, Keith Urban liked his women fleshy and wild. Once upon a time he’d get into a pool with Kid Rock and they’d come one after another, girl after girl, bikini after bikini, wet and skanky and ready to get dirty.

Then Australia’s princess came along and he was transformed. He saved her. And she saved him back. And they lived happily ever after.

Do you believe in fairy tales?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 6:36 AM

Gay Pilots, Androgens, and JailBait too!

Check out John Travolty tryin’ to rock the butch. And look how happy he is to be acting with pretty Jonathan Rhys Meyers in a new movie called From Paris with Love. Xenu’s main ‘mo apparently plays a spy.

There are many high end luxe spas in Paris though they may not be familiar with his massage requests… which, as legend goes, involve a man and a finger up the ass. For his sake though, hopefully they’ll oblige. He’ll need an outlet to get rid of the blue ball build up from being around JRM night and day.

And because it’s Monday, and we all need a little hilarity to get us through the work week, if you can hold back your vomit, this is the new video for the duet: Travolty and Miley on the Bolt soundtrack.

I can’t… look… away…

Thanks Marissa!

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 11:37 AM


Cheese-free and beautiful

Emily Blunt has kept a pretty low profile while hard at work on back to back features and also since breaking up with that Canadian cheese dick Michael Bublé who allegedly didn’t keep it faithful…or even legal for that matter. Allegedly.

But still the grandmothers who buy his records think he’s a sweet gentleman from the old school.


Needless to say, Emily Blunt was an overreach for the cover crooner from Canada.

Look at her. She’s amazing.

Emily attended the premiere of Defiance last night in Hollywood looking fresh and lovely and single, though that doesn’t mean she hasn’t had her share of hookups. Rumour has it there was a night with Benicio del Toro recently…who may have his issues but who is infinitely more man than the Bube.

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 7:10 AM

What could possibly be so sh-t about the lives of the stars that they routinely resort to verbally and emotionally abusing the small people?

Puffy/Diddy/ F-cktwat threw a birthday party the other night and hired a designer. The designer was given some money and a few hours and instructed to decorate just so but all white (which is so over) with roses and mirrors and other standard lounge embellishments. Unfortunately, Diddy came back and was not pleased with the creation.

"Diddy declared it dreadful and went into a major hissy fit, screaming, 'Show me the receipts!' and 'Get the money back!' to his assistant. Then he began ripping the fabric off the walls saying he hated it. He berated the poor young decorator to the point that the guy gave back $2,000 of the money he had spent."

Big farking ass! It’s a birthday party! A black president has just been elected! Was it necessary?

Of course not.

But it’s Diddy. And he’s forgotten where he came from. And the bitch is classless. And a mean mother-cker. And so it’s not surprising.

But beware the karmic payback.

Back in the China village, the old folks used to give out red money pockets on their own birthdays. You give out good luck, you get back good luck.

If these are the gifts that Diddy be dealing, needless to say, Puffsnatch is in for a world of hurt.


Monday, November 10, 2008 at 10:28 AM

Inspired casting. Really.

For years there have been totally unsubstantiated rumours that Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman was born a herm. Someone knows someone else whose doctor attended a conference and they discussed Gran’s girly boy parts and yet when it comes down to it, there is never a first hand account.

Gran is totally frozen. But Gran is not a herm.


She put her fertility on display front and centre and pillow this year to make sure you know and I know that she’s a woman through and through. Knowing this, and her incessant efforts to fight 40, and her avoidance of those women who are aging so much more naturally and beautifully than she is, it’s admirable that Granny signed on to this next project.

The film will be called The Danish Girl, the true story of an artist couple whose lives were upended when the husband decided to get a sex change.

Nicole is attached to the role of the man who becomes a woman.


Even more amazing – she’ll be starring opposite the stunning Charlize Theron, an unusual move for Granny who does not like to juxtapose herself next to living breathing females, especially since her husband seems to have a preference for them.

But Gran is above all things an artist. She will sacrifice for art. And she will work and work and work…

Nicole will be producing The Danish Girl as well –even though she claims she’s yet to hire a daytime nanny which is about as believable as her claims that she’s all natural without injections.

And finally….

Gran and Hugh Jackman are on Oprah today to promote Australia which has yet to present a final cut. Some of you are watching as I write. And a few of you have already written to tell me Gran is working super super hard to move that forehead. Now I totally have to PVR that sh-t.


Monday, November 10, 2008 at 11:55 AM

"It's easy but it's not hard" reveal #4


By popular demand, an addition to the list of candidates for this year’s People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive – if you’ve yet to read the feature handicapping the contenders, click here. Otherwise, this article means nothing.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Arguments for:

  • Is what Pip Timberlake wants to be: successfully transitioned from boy to man on screen
  • Multiple Oscar nominee and is attached to another Oscar possibility this year in Revolutionary Road, being named SMA could help his and the film’s chances
  • Super well connected, moves among the cream of the crop
  • Socially involved, especially during election season, earns him goodwill among the moms
  • Is a goodlooking guy, aside from the fact that he’s been kinda carby-faced of late from too much drinking

Arguments against:

  • Leo fought Titanic for a long, long, LONG time after it sank. He hated the Teen Beat. He avoids romantic comedies and he does not like to be sold on the basis of his appeal to women. Or young girls
  • Despite his efforts though… is he a manly man?
  • The SMA invites attention. And paps. And while Leo is a Hollywood player, he for the most part does not famewhore with photographers. Being named SMA will open the door to more gossip, more speculation, more tabloid interest…not something that fits his profile
  • He dates models. And the MiniVan is all about dudes who are down with regular girls. This is why Edward Cullen has become the panty creamer of the moment. Leo doesn’t bother with the illusion that he’d actually give a civilian the time of day

ODDS: 8 to 1

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 3:11 PM


Dear Gossips,

Thanks for your messages re: this year’s People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive prediction feature. Click here to catch up if you haven’t already. Many of you truly believe it’ll be President-Elect Barack Obama and hey, if People has the balls for it, please please yes. But don’t overestimate the People subscriber-base. After all, they probably actually think Jennifer Aniston’s visit to Ivy was anything but f-ckery.


Still… others have pointed out the oversight that is Leonardo DiCaprio. Quite right. I must be prejudiced against his limpness. Leo’s pros and cons will follow later today.

Monday – new posts throughout the day. Check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Monday, November 10, 2008

"It's easy but it's not hard," revealed again


O is for Olga obsessed!

Someone needs to have a torrid affair with this woman. And I need to know every detail. Because I love her.

Maybe Leonardo Dicaprio. Because he’s disappoint her. And only Olga could react properly. Only a girl like Olga, with all her Eastern European drama, would take a Ukrainian axe to his groin if for missing lift off. And then she’d run for Viggo Mortensen. And they’d paint together and make love between arguments. Amazing.

Here’s Olga Kurylenko in two looks: in Rome on the red carpet and in grey skinny jeans with killer bitch gold heels in Spain promoting Bond.

Can you believe Denise Richards was a Bond Girl???


Posted on Thursday, November 06, 2008 at 2:40 PM


Bangs for acting smart


This is Jessica Alba on the New York set of her next movie An Invisible Sign of My Own based on the book of the same name about a trouble young girl who also happens to be a math wiz recruited to teach young students and magic happens.

Alba Demon a math wiz? Because she wears bangs and funky clothes?

How sh-tty is this script? And how many other actors passed on this role? Because Alba can’t act, no matter how many acting coaches she hires. And a fringe doesn’t help with that.

She’s also not very… articulate.

Last night Alba was at a party hosted by her benefactor Harvey Weinstein celebrating Obama’s victory. When asked to comment, here’s what she offered:

"I think we all have to start to see the change we are waiting for. We need more people that think like him…that are, I don't know, thoughtful?"

F-ck. The profundity of that statement is staggering, non?

As for her relationship with Harvey – well documented on this blog: she’s been kissing his ass for ages, wearing Marchesa, doing his bidding, even after the disaster that was Awake, because it’s the only way she can keep getting jobs.

He’s like her Justin Timberlake.

Posted on Wednesday, November 05, 2008 at 1:34 PM


His expression, her expression

Shall we play the fun game of Photo Assumption? Drawing conclusions based on nothing but photos...except in this case we know it’s true anyway?

Sara Jessica Parker and her dandy Matthew Broderick, on a rare occasion together, head with their son together to vote for Barack Obama. As you can see, SJP is in great spirits, encouraged by her husband’s willingness to hang out. The neglected are always so grateful for scraps. He on the other hand…


Photo Assumption says he’d rather be somewhere else.

Posted on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 at 4:19 PM


Granny in labour, Granny undressed

People.com posted the best story today on their site. Something about a party to celebrate Keith Urban's latest #1 hit You Look Good in My Shirt. Of course Keith arrived at the event in Nashville with his Granny – described by the magazine to be “clutching” her hand. Because they’re so in love like that.

Once inside, Keith was ordered to tell the crowd how much he loves his wife. And to make sure that we all know she’s a sexual, desirable woman with reproductive capabilities:

"It's been eight years since I was first here accepting an award for my first No. 1 song. I'm so happy to be here again, and to be here with Nicole. This is our award. You do look good in my shirt. And out of it! But that's a different story."

Apparently Gran blushed and smiled and then “took her husband's face between her hands and sweetly kissed him on the lips.”

Their relationship is on full display for sale right now as Nicole ramps up heavy promotion for Australia. Here she is in a rather awkward pose on the cover of Glamour, more blonde than ever, with a face like an 18 year old.

In the article, Gran breathlessly gives thanks for the new fulfillment in her life, and claims that her priorities have shifted now that Sunday Rose is around. Nicole says she’s scaling back on work and tells the magazine she doesn’t have a daytime nanny. Really? So who’s the baby spending so much time on set? With the nanny? In the trailer? Day and night? Just asking…

“I have reached a stage in my life when I want to be with the ones I love. I used to be willing to do two weeks (apart). And that is too much now; my heart aches. I've given a lot to my work, and I'm not willing to give as much to that anymore. At this time in my life, I want to be giving to my relationships. And out of that, whatever work you do prospers because you have more to give. There's something very primal about giving birth. It puts you in a state of being very raw."

Fortunately for Gran, the actual labour process wasn’t raw at all. In fact, Gran says it was a breeze:

"Keith was my rock during childbirth. I'd heard horror stories of 40 hours of labor, and I was sure that would be me, but I had a very easy labor. And through it all, Keith's eyes gave me such strength."


Of course it was easy.

How hard can it be to pick up the phone?

Your baby’s ready. Come and get her. Cash only.

Source Us Weekly

Posted on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 at 8:07 AM


"Bitch Wars," it's not...


PPS. B1 is not Jessica Biel or Lindsay Lohan. B2 is not Scarlett Johansson or Kate Bosworth. Rachel McAdams is not a warring bitch but it doesn’t means she wasn’t a casualty.

Friday, October 31, 2008

"Bitch Wars," it's not...


PPS. Kate Hudson is not a warring bitch. Neither is Kristin Bell, even though she totally could be.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

PS. Body Over Baby is not Marcia Cross.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

"Star Treatment" reveal


Smutty Tingle

Are his daughters allowed to look him in the eye? (Cele|bitchy)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 at 11:04 AM

PPS. B1 is not Scarjo. B2 is not Anne Hathaway.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

PS. Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz are not besties in bed.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What is CHOOP?

CHOOP is not GOOP. CHOOP is the antithesis of GOOP.

GOOP is a night at a hotel no one can afford. GOOP is accessorising with Chopard. GOOP is using tuna steaks for tuna sandwiches. GOOP is emailing Deepak Chopra for a tea leaf interpretation whenever your daughter has a bad dream.

In other words, GOOP is what Gwynnie would do.

CHOOP on the other hand is what we did. CHOOP became our mission and we endeavoured to do Europe in the CHOOPiest way possible. CH is for Chav. CH is for Chinese. CHOOP is the ultimate low classy guide to Paris and France.

At any of the Firmdale establishments – we were at the Haymarket and then the Charlotte Street Hotel, two boutique hotels so charming and so adorable you will never want to leave. Not exactly Best Western but in London terms it’s actually not bad. Besides, you’re only getting one room and splitting it three ways, right? Because they will happily roll a cot out for you and a slumber party CHOOPy styles every night with the girls is more fun anyway.

Don’t however be fooled by the lobby Honour Bar and assume that it’ll be cheaper than the mini bar in your room just because it’s self serve. If you’re going to be honest and write down everything you take, it really starts adding up. The Honour Bar is GOOP. Tesco on the other hand is CHOOP. Soda, lemon, snackies, and Grey Goose without the shock of seeing it showing up on your bill almost 50 pounds later.

Another great feature about the Firmdales? They use Miller Harris products in perfectly sized dispensers. The ultimate in CHOOPness is to take the shampoo and the body wash for future purposes. These are the ones you won’t find at Walmart – they don’t look like Tupperware and will last until you come back. Rachel Weisz would be proud.

Don’t be afraid to spill cranberry juice, or olive juice (as Duana did our last night after busting open a container full of olives we brought home from Carluccio’s to go along with the buffalo mozzarella that has spoiled us for buffalo mozzarella forever in North America) because they’ll come up the next morning and clean the carpets.

Finally… the Haymarket and the Charlotte Street are all about the design and refreshingly enough it’s not an imitation Pottery Barn. Beautiful wallpaper, wainscoting, upholstery, distressed vanity tables, whimsical little touches like these striped pencils in the lobby: orange at the Charlotte, purple at the Haymarket.

Make it CHOOPy by grabbing a handful, like Michelle, for a similar display at home. Yes… we’re pilfering pencils now. But they let you. And they’ll look so cute in your den. And what was the ultimate objective?

Gwyneth would never.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 10:05 AM

"Short and Blind" subject 2 reveal


Dear Gossips,

Chuck and Blair are my new porn. In the absence of Pitt Porn and as the farce of Beckham Porn continues to ring more and more untrue, why not get off on a little scripted teen drama? It’s still more real than Posh and Becks anyway.

Oh Gossip Girl.

Of course those two can’t hold hands or go to the movies. Of course they can’t. But it still sucks that we have to wait til the series finale, which could take forever and I might be 40 by then, to find release. Just like them, I suppose.

And why is Jenny Humphrey’s arm practically the same size as Allegra Versace’s? Did she have her “near fatal” throat infection even back then when this episode was shot?

Funny…for some who “almost died”, as they tried to sell it, she looked remarkably alive the other night in NYC. First sighting of Taylor Momsen since her hospitalisation last week for a “potentially” life threatening sore throat which has become new code for cranked out needing detox. Infection my Chinese ass. That girl has been hopped up for a while. And curiously enough, she doesn’t get many scenes with the other young series regulars. Wonder why…

Tuesday – am online all day, remember to refresh!

Yours in gossip,


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

PPPS. Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick don’t share a holiday bed.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

PPS. Salma Hayek is not B1. Kate Beckinsale is not B2. Hilarious that Kate Beckinsale is suggested for almost every blind item. You must think she really is full of sh-t. And she is.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

PS. Christine Taylor (Ben Stiller’s wife) did not choose body over baby.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

"Star Treatment" guess


Smutty Tingle

It’s ok because he’s a rock god, right? (Dlisted)

Monday, October 27, 2008 at 11:04 AM

There are maybe, like, two of you still sitting on the fence about Shelf Ass Jessica Biel’s insatiable appetite for fame and the increasingly embarrassing, not to mention ruthless, ways she’s attempting to achieve it.

If this applies to you, I predict you’ll have changed your mind by the end of this post. Because this time it’s undeniable.

Shelfy somehow scored top billing in a new film called Easy Virtue, polluting the polished performances of Colin Firth and Kristin Scott Thomas who apparently relished every opportunity she had on film to cut that ass down.

Anyway, Shelf ended up recording a few songs for the movie soundtrack. And of course, because she can’t take a golden sh-t without her publicist telling us about it, a hilariously obvious article appeared on People.com the other day… ALWAYS People.com, right?

Shelfy’s rep said she did an “amazing job” singing in studio and even provided us with bystander reaction:

"Everyone at the studio said, 'Some girls have everything.' Jessica Biel is dating a gorgeous guy, she's a great actress – and she can sing."

Oh now that’s a great message, non?

The definition of having “everything” and the first attribute listed in support of the fact (?) that Jessica Biel has “everything” is that she is DATING A GORGEOUS GUY.

Now remember…these words were released by Shelfy’s publicist, a hired communications specialist whose job it is to craft the message.

It’s no accident.

It’s no accident that she described her client’s having everything as it relates to who she’s dating. Why? Because her client is leveraging her entire career off her man.

And THAT has EVERYTHING to do with Jessica Biel’s definition of girl power.

But just in case you’re still not convinced? One more nail…

When asked if Shelf Ass would ever work on her own album, the indefatigable publicist replied:

"I'm not sure but I'm sure dating Justin will probably have some influence in that!"

Because she can’t decide for herself?

For someone who claims she wants to keep her relationship private, her public relations team talks about it an awful lot, non?

To hear Shelfy sing, click here and at the bottom right corner, scroll to track 13. Stretching puts it mildly.

This is Shelf Ass with a smug face leaving LA for London the other day en route to the film festival where Easy Virtue is being screened.

Monday, October 27, 2008 at 6:40 AM

PPPPPS. Jennifer Garner is not a warring bitch. Neither is Sienna Miller.

Monday, October 27, 2008

PS. Besties in Bed is not Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo.

Monday, October 27, 2008

"Besties in Bed" clue


The GMD and Robo attended a private party last night at the Hermes store in New York similarly dressed, both sexless and devoid of personality. They did however take the opportunity to show off their one tired move: the Presentation.

If he wasn’t so hellbent on suppressing his gay, he’d be able to find a little more creativity.

Interesting to note some of the other high profile guests at the event. Oprah’s bestie Gayle King was there – the GMD has been awfully tight with the Mighty Opes these days. And Jessica Seinfeld too – Jerry was quoted a while ago supporting Scientology…

Remember the GMD’s greatest gift:


And Xenu only knows how many other undercover closet members there are out there…

Greed and secrets bring people together.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 8:45 AM

Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt, close from the days of Prada, are now both single at the same time after suffering serious disappointment, not to mention public humiliation, thanks to their former douchebag boyfriends.

Anne of course broke up that shady business dude who kept writing bad cheques and ripping off charities. Emily dated a cover-crooning cheeseball who couldn’t stay faithful. Or legal. Allegedly.

But, as girls do, they sought solace in each other and were seen arm in arm recently after a bitch session dinner and hopefully a few drinks. Better this than crying about it to some random journalist cow who writes for Vanity Fair. Makes me love them both so much more.

Jessica Simpson needs a few of these. Real girls always help real girlfriends.

For more of Anne and Emily, click here.

Friday, August 22, 2008 at 6:54 AM

A bonus blind riddle for this week. Short and smutty.

They’re best friends and they say best friends only…

But they sleep in the same bed when they’re on holiday.

Duana and I have been sharing a king bed during our European travels but that’s because we’re poor. If we could afford it?


We’d both be in junior suites yelling at each other from across our balconies.

These two however don’t have to rough it. And when they do rough it, it’s because the cameras are rolling.

A junior suite for them is like a homeless shelter. So when they can book out an entire floor, why would they choose instead to share one bed?

Friday, October 24, 2008 at 11:35 AM

Update (10/29/08):
denial 1: Adrien Brody & Mark Ruffalo

denial 2: Chace Crawford & Ed Westwick

denial 3: Salma Hayek & Penelope Cruz


PS. Rihanna and Beyonce are not warring bitches. Also not Liv. Liv has never had to make the leap.

Friday, October 24, 2008

"The Third Person" reveal


Who is Sasha Fierce?

It’s Beyonce, of course, and this is the title of her new double album:

The first: I Am… The second: Sasha Fierce.

Sasha of course is what she calls her alter ego, the gyrating performer who is released on stage. In private, Sasha retreats and cedes the spotlight to B who, apparently, is much more sedate and doesn’t talk about herself in the third person.

Sasha Fierce however is most definitely NOT BC Jean. BC Jean is a very talented up and coming artist who actually wrote If I Were A Boy and was allegedly forced into selling the rights to the song to Beyonce’s team determined to claim it as their own… a practice that’s been in place forever in the music industry and one that’s made millions for otherwise mediocre stars.

Not to say that B is mediocre. But if she keeps calling herself the total package, and a future icon (which is her stated aspiration) can she really be ripping off other people’s work while insisting she’s a songwriter as well as a singer?

In the end, doesn’t that just make her Britney Spears? Brit is an icon in her own right too, you now.

This is Beyonce leaving with Jay-Z after dinner at Cipriani last night.

Thursday, October 23, 2008 at 8:29 AM

PPPS. Megan Fox is not B1. Lindsay Lohan is not B2. And American Ferrera is neither.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

PPS. Liv Tyler did not choose body over baby, or at least that wasn’t her reason.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

PPS. Liv Tyler did not choose body over baby, or at least that wasn’t her reason.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

PS. Faith Hill is not being ignored. Faith wouldn’t care anyway. The Lord is all she needs.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

PS. Faith Hill is not being ignored. Faith wouldn’t care anyway. The Lord is all she needs.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Bitch Wars


Girl sh-t is the best sh-t, right? It's even worse in Hollywood, especially when so many of them are fighting for everything: headlines, attention, and ultimately the work.

This is about the work. And the power plays they pull to get the work over their competitors.

Bitch #1 has been backstabbing for a while starting a few years ago when she was vying over a then-coveted role in a major blockbuster with lucrative potential. They'd narrowed it down to two and the studio had pretty much decided on the better actress. The contract was about to be signed but when B1 found out, she had her agent and her publicist publicly release confirmation that SHE landed the part, and even though it was an outright lie, it embarrassed her competitor so badly that her team pulled her back from accepting the offer leaving the film's producers with only one remaining choice.

Now she has a new opponent. And a more formidable one. The two were both in talks for a prestige project, a tug of war battle going back and forth. Bitch #2 launched the first offensive. She started circulating that B1 was struggling with her acting coach and had already fired two of them, studying with a third. When B1 found out she retaliated by circulating rumours that B2's assets were surgically enhanced and that she was a terror to work with, making crews miserable on a regular basis.

B2 has now struck back with the lowest blow yet. At a business lunch the other day, she made sure to drop details about B1's relationship: that it's in trouble, that's she's an emotional wreck and is prone to self harming and is trying to save her love by getting pregnant.

It's getting uglier and uglier and B1 is out for blood. Stay tuned...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 11:56 AM

Update (12/30/08):
denial 1: Megan Fox (B1), Lindsay Lohan (B2) & America Ferrera (neither)
denial 2: Beyonce, Rihanna & Liv Tyler
denial 3: Jennifer Garner & Sienna Miller
Bitch 2 clue
denial 4: Salma Hayek & Kate Beckinsale

denial 5: Scarlett Johansson & Anne Hathaway
denial 6: Kate Hudson & Kristen Bell
Bitch 1 reveal 1
Bitch 1 reveal 2
Bitch 2 reveal 1
Bitch 2 reveal 2


Hair, Legs, Veins

But I’m all over everything else.

SJP attended the Mobile Art Chanel Contemporary Art Container opening in New York last night without her husband. He already turned up with her somewhere else a couple of days ago – as such, he’s already filled his monthly quota. Which is why she was left alone to enjoy this enormous Chanel purse sculpture by herself. See the chain straps?

I like the big bunch straps on hers too. LOVE the bag. Love the coat. Love the dress. Love the shoes…

But those legs. Those legs are scary skinny. Especially from behind. Not feeling the hair either. Messy and down would have given it some more edge, to say nothing of hiding the gaunt in her face. For her though, it’s always about the body, right?

And how about those veins? They give Angelina Jolie sh-t all the time for her veins, going so far as to raise accusations of heroin use…

Does SJP use heroin?


She has other problems, other poisons.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 8:23 AM

Many of you have written asking about new reports suggesting that the reason why Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer got back together is because she’s pregnant.

The rumour originated out of some random Australian tabloid ranking lower than even Life & Style and Star in terms of reliability… meaning? As much as we want it to be true, because she is that pathetic, it’s likely to be full of sh*t, although the American rags are probably pissing themselves for not thinking of it first.

This doesn’t mean however that Jen and Stephen Huvane aren’t using it to their advantage. You people love babies and bumps. Babies and bumps are an international gossip obsession. Jennifer Aniston loves being a gossip obsession. Why right a wrong when it feels so right?

Check her out leaving the Beverly Hills Hotel yesterday supposedly with a stomach that was not concave. Which means she actually ate a substantial meal and used it to her advantage – those paps just happened to be around.

As for what she was doing at the Beverly Hills Hotel – John likes to stay there from time to time, even though he has his own house in LA. Not unusual for celebrities. George Clooney does this a lot, especially when he’s paying for companionship and discretion, except he stays at the much more inaccessible paparazzi unfriendly Bel Air.

Douchebags like John aren’t quite as guarded.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 8:18 AM

PS. SJP chose body over face but not body over baby. It’s not Kelly Ripa either.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"Holiday Detox" revealed yet again


Manslinger Kate Hudson last night giggling on the carpet with her good friend Liv Tyler – both single, both young, both hot, and clearly ready to party at the Burberry opening in Beverly Hills.


After a rough year and some suspicious weight loss too, Liv looks amazing. And healthy. And am all over what she’s wearing.

As for Kate… it’s been a quiet month or two. She’s working hard on Nine in London, she’s keeping the prowling to a discreet minimum, and no… before you bumpfreaks lose your sh*t…she is not pregnant. She is however maybe the best candidate to f-ck with that famewhore Shelfy Biel.

JT and Kate have dallied in the past… and he can’t seem to resist her.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 9:51 AM

It’s no secret in smutty circles – the suggestion has been swirling for years undercover but as is the case with stars of his stature, no one wants to take the risk of openly challenging his alleged heterosexuality. Like his good friend the GMD however, some secrets cannot be stifled.

Will Smith is gay???

Shocker, right?

You mean it’s not Jada in his trailer?


According to Ian Halperin Will was a regular John back in the day, paying for gay sex on the regular.

Fear of risking his career in recent years has pushed him towards the GMD’s Church which is rumoured to be a homo cure-all for celebrities like Will and Tom and that other flying buffoon whose popularity adheres to a distinctly straight line. And as you’ve seen, Will’s off screen activities have reflected an increasingly Scientological slant, including incorporating L Ron Hubbard doctrine at the school.aspx he and Jada founded while continuing to deny his allegiance to the Xenu when all evidence points to the contrary.

Many have wondered also if and just how much the Smiths have donated to the Church and this of course is the GMD’s greatest gift. He may no longer be the Top Gun at the box office but he’s still the man when it comes to recruitment.

All frauds in the family. Chills, chills, chills.

Source Dlisted.com

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 6:56 AM


PS. Kate Beckinsale did not choose body over baby … like that. Also not Jessica Alba.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Commitment Crisis?" reveal


Smutty Tingle

Clean Faith and Pilates (Just Jared)

Monday, October 20, 2008 at 8:48 AM

PS. Catherine Zeta-Jones isn’t using a lap band … that I know of.

Monday, October 20, 2008

"The Belle from Hell" clue


Courteney Cox isn’t friendly?

Shocker of all shockers! Sources on the set of her new movie filming in Toronto are reporting that Courteney is actually the opposite of warm and fuzzy. “Borderline rude” is how it was described to me. You know how you always hear about certain stars who are so sweet to their co-workers, the crew, everyone involved? Renee Zellweger comes to mind. By all accounts, one of the nicest, most professional superstars in the world. Sandra Bullock also has the same reputation. Courteney on the other hand can be surrounded by a room full of people and still won’t be bothered to acknowledge anyone around her. Lovely, isn’t it? Another Hollywood illusion blown to pieces. No wonder she and Jen are such great friends. Frauds of a feather flock together…

Monday, August 29, 2005

"The Belle from Hell" revealed


It’s Wonder Woman!

Lynda Carter showed up at the launch of some video game yesterday. A lot of stars actually showed up for the launch of that video game. Video gaming is a lucrative business these days…perhaps even more than movie making.

Sorry, I digress.

Wonder Woman used to be my life. My mother used to wear her hair like Wonder Woman. She’s always had great hair. After she moved out, I used to watch it and imagine my mom was doing the same – out there saving the world. Or yelling at someone really loudly. She left some of her clothes behind and I remember sticking my little feet into her heels and hobbling around like a grown up, wondering why Wonder Woman was allowed to wear her underwear outside…

Lynda Carter is well into her fifties now. But here she is, posing with one time Botox Courteney Cox, and looking just as young, if not younger. And DEFINITELY younger than Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman.

But Courteney looks ghastly, non?

What’s the point of working your tits off at the gym and staying away from fries when your face precludes anyone from looking down anyway? Or maybe it’s a case of Karma Face. This belle is a beast. And now she’s showing it on the outside.

Friday, October 17, 2008 at 10:00 AM

Smutty Tingle

Did not choose body over baby (Pop Sugar)

Friday, October 17, 2008 at 12:05 PM

PS. Victoria Beckham did not install a lap band. Knowing her she probably did the drastic gastric.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Smutty Tingle

No lap band for her (IDLYITW)

Thursday, October 16, 2008 at 11:23 AM

PS. Gwyneth is not choosing body over baby. Shame on you for even thinking it.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Body or Baby?


A couple of years ago, I was the first to write about the celebrity IV diet – many of them would admit themselves to hospital under the care of a proper physician for 10 days, 2 weeks or so, eliminating food in favour of an IV drip chock full of essentials to keep one alive while starving. Click here for a refresher.

Mainstream outlets only picked up on this last month.

Needless to say, the IV diet presents some major health issues. It’s also not that convenient. How many weeks on end can you disappear in a given year without arousing suspicion, to say nothing of the limitations on actually having a real life – who wants to spend weeks at a time away from home?

This is why she chose something, for her anyway, that was more … flexible. In more ways than one.

She was always super thin before baby. But after baby it’s been hard to lose the last 10. And to her credit, she did try hard. But nothing was working. And drastic measures had to be taken. Which is why she’s had one of those “lap band” things installed. Like gastric bypass (stomach stapling) only much less invasive.

But it’s typically for the morbidly obese. Not for an already slender women wanting to be more slender who is carrying around an extra few pounds.

Whatever. This is Hollywood. And this is a woman who needs to keep up.

So the weight came off. She’s stick thin again. And all’s good, right?

Well… the problem is that they’ve always wanted to add to their family. And it’s apparently recommended that the device be deflated or however they render it ineffective when a couple is trying to conceive. So he’s been like – ok, you’re done, you’re back to where you wanted to be so let’s get going!

But she’s too scared to stop the band thing, she’s addicted to the skinny, and her body over baby choice is now threatening her marriage.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 11:51 AM

Update (2/18/09):
denial 1: Gwyneth Paltrow
denial 2: Christina Aguilera
denial 3: Victoria Beckham
denial 4: Heidi Klum
denial 5: Catherine Zeta-Jones
denial 6: Kate Beckinsale & Jessica Alba

denial 7: Sarah Jessica Parker & Kelly Ripa

denial 8: Liv Tyler
denial 9: Christine Taylor
denial 10: Marcia Cross

reveal 1
reveal 2
reveal 3